Author Archives: Joel

About Joel

You shouldn't ask these questions of a paranoid recluse, you know.

A new 40-year-old Mountain House taste test

Mesdames, Messieurs, bonsoir! Our entrée for today is… Now, I’ll be totally honest with you – I don’t even know what Shrimp Creole is. So I looked it up… Shrimp creole is a dish of Louisiana Creole origin, consisting of … Continue reading

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Gun carriers! Would you like a “99.99999% chance of not getting shot/killed by the police*”?

Then you need Carrier Shield! Yes, Carrier Shield! It’s a patent-pending sticker for the rear window of your car, to inform that cop who just pulled you over for your broken tail light that he’s dealing with an armed idiot! … Continue reading

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One of the things I like about my yard…

…is my little juniper grove. That’s all one tree. It’s very old. Junipers live a long time by dying in spots and growing new spots, and when I first came to the hollow this was all a big tangle of … Continue reading

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You guys want to see something cool?

After all I’ve only known them for six or eight years. No point rushing into these things. Not counting Landlady and Ian who are kind of special cases, D&L are my closest friends in the gulch. They gave me keys … Continue reading

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You’ll walk a little taller and stand a little prouder…

Knowing you just paid $130 for a shovel. But wait! There’s more! This isn’t just any shovel, you mall ninjas. This is the tacticalest shovel in the entire physical universe. Includes Over 12 tools & carry bag: Shovel Axe Hammer … Continue reading

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Soggy lumber & meds run…

We had an impressive windstorm yesterday afternoon, gusting to a full gale on the ridgetops. Often an afternoon windstorm means a change of weather, but April windstorms generally just mean it’s April. I didn’t give it much thought. So naturally … Continue reading

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Laughed so hard I thought I’d die…

MJR sent me a link to this, with the note “Look at the money you are saving by doing what you do.” Swallow any coffee that may be present before clicking that link, you have been warned.

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Wow. Imagine what a hellhole Chicago would be…

…if it weren’t a gun-free paradise? I don’t know which is more appalling: The casualty rate so far this year, or the fact that they’re actually a little behind the curve from last year! The number of people shot in … Continue reading

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“How did I get that way up here?”

Boy, I’ve gotten older in the past eight or ten years. I have a cache up in canyon country that I haven’t visited in quite a while. It’s a last-ditch emergency cache, having nothing to do with natural emergencies like … Continue reading

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How can it be that in a “free country,” there really are questions you’re not supposed to ask?

Not that there’s anything wrong with that, he added hastily. And not that we hear the phrase “free country” much anymore anyway…

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Helpless and terrified is no way to go through life.

It’s a windy season in a windy place. Walking with Little Bear, I’m always looking for blown trash that needs to be carried back to the Lair. Today on the noontime walkie I saw a bit of blue paper… Must … Continue reading

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Sleepy Sunday…

What a beautiful day. By nine it was t-shirt weather, which meant let’s do a couple of laundry loads… It takes a restful hour to go through a couple of buckets of laundry, and this will probably be the first … Continue reading

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Andrew Cuomo is my new hero.

How did Cuomo make $783,000 on memoir that sold 3,200 copies? In all, Cuomo has made $783,000 from HarperCollins for his book. The book sold 3,200 copies since it was published in the fall of 2014, according to tracking company … Continue reading

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Earth Day, a commemoration that makes me almost ashamed to be living a greeny’s dream

Let’s turn this over to our Poet Laureate… “I’m getting tired of that shit. Tired of that shit. I’m tired of f*cking Earth Day, I’m tired of these self-righteous environmentalists, these white, bourgeois liberals who think the only thing wrong … Continue reading

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“Nooo! I dowanna gooo!”

This is the third time it’s happened in April alone; it’s a traveling month for S&L and every time they load up the car Ghost gets relegated to Uncle Joel’s Cabin. Which he has decided he hates, at least relative … Continue reading

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The smallest useful caliber?

I don’t remember where I found this. For the record I believe this tactic is illegal in Alberta so don’t get caught.

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I wanna job at Fox News, just so they’ll fire me.

Bill O’Reilly Paid Up to $25 Million in Fox News Exit Deal That is equivalent to one year of a rich new four-year deal that O’Reilly finalized earlier this year. The network and its parent company, 21st Century Fox, completed … Continue reading

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Every time I have a birthday…

These things get a little heavier. I swear it’s true.

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Little Bear’s recurring dream…


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That’s what a loaf of bread is supposed to look like.

Still haven’t figured out what I’m doing wrong with that bread flour (S’s theory of too much kneading is attractive but not entirely persuasive) but this is what a good loaf looks like made with all-purpose flour. An earlier search … Continue reading

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