Author Archives: Joel

About Joel

You shouldn't ask these questions of a paranoid recluse, you know.

The Zelman Partisans have an offer for Ted Nugent

Catching flak for anti-Semitism, [Nugent] responded by saying that Aaron Zelman — a prominent Jewish PRO-gunner until his untimely death and the inspiration for The Zelman Partisans — called Nugent a gun rights hero. Nugent also stated (spelling his): “I … Continue reading

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Going to town this morning…

The big town about 50 miles away, that is, to renew my glaucoma meds. Be back sometime in the afternoon. Have a good day. 😉

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You went full retard, Ted. Never go full retard.

I may have occasionally said things that might tend to imply that I’m not Ted Nugent’s biggest fan. Throwing stuff out there just for the publicity is certainly Nugent’s thing, and that’s fine if you’re an aging (hell, aged) B-list … Continue reading

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Uh, guys? We’ve been doing it the same way for a very long time now…

And if you’re going to change things around, you might keep in mind that your customers may not be keeping up. This is just stupid, scary weird… Drivers in Chrysler vehicles can’t figure out how to put car in park … Continue reading

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Death of a Little Red Hen

Okay, at the last minute I chickened (heh) out on the killing cone. I wasn’t born on a farm, haven’t actually offed one of my little feathered friends for a year and a half, and needed to work myself up … Continue reading

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Grrrr…

Some of the most loyal and active TUAK readers are women, and so I request most humbly and sincerely that they pardon my french when I opine that the two supercilious broads who appear at the beginning of this brief … Continue reading

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Yeah, but that got me to thinking about Hillary in a wet t-shirt, and…

…now I’m a bit nauseous. .@redsteeze If I paid somebody $250k for an appearance, there better be monster trucks, laser light show & a jumbotron wet t shirt contest — David Burge (@iowahawkblog) February 7, 2016

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Gettin’ ready to kill me some hippies…

(And a big gulchy welcome to our heroic protectors at the Department of Homeland Security…) At Joel’s Gulch (poultry division) if you won’t lay eggs, you will eventually be guest of honor at a chicken dinner. But since our chicken … Continue reading

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Shocking! Even if you give it an expensive haircut, your terrier probably likes to kill rats.

How unmutual! Full disclosure: Landlady’s little townie dog Dharma loves to kill rats. Ghost and LB ignore them, unless they build nests right smack in the boys’ territory.

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Liquid Refreshment…

Went to town this morning for the first time in a couple of weeks. Maybe it’s just the season, but more and more I’ve been making the trip less and less. Call me a hoarder, but I love full buckets, … Continue reading

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See, this is what happens when a major government says, “Hold my beer and watch this.”

It’s like all the trailer park bubbas in the world were rounded up, handed a nuclear weapon and lots of cash and told, “See what you can do.” So somewhere in the New Mexico desert, unknown and unmourned, lies an … Continue reading

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Huh. Some sort of miracle cure, I guess…

So you remember a few days ago, when I said a Generous Reader had sent me a free tablet – a tablet computer has been on my want list for years, I confess, though I could never bring myself to … Continue reading

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In the future, trousers will be forbidden to all Americans of Micronesian descent.

For the record, it seems the wearing of toe rings and/or bangles is now sexist or racist or something. Just so you know. “In pop culture, you have probably seen the likes of Iggy Azalea and Selena Gomez wear them … Continue reading

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Could be worse. Nobody yelled “Die, Jeb, Die.”

Here’s an actual headline that actually appeared on an actual news site: Jeb Bush to unimpressed New Hampshire crowd: ‘Please clap’

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Helpful Hermitty Hints

It’s Thursday, the fourth in our string of really unpleasantly frigid mornings. Sunlight has been good all week but the temperature has rarely ventured even briefly above freezing which means all that ice we got at the end of the … Continue reading

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Y’know…sometimes…

I see a picture, and I just can’t figure out… I’m sure there’s some really logical reason for these people to be doing this. I’m convinced of it. For the life of me, though, I can’t guess what it might … Continue reading

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Essay Question on Police Academy Final Exam: This portion will comprise 25% of your final grade.

Situation summary: You have shot to death the unruly person you were assigned to subdue, and the innocent bystander behind that person. In less than 100 words, describe how you will proceed to make this situation worse. Chicago (AFP) – … Continue reading

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Beats trading artillery barrages, I guess…

You probably don’t remember an article I linked year before last, where a bunch of South Korean activists sent balloons bearing 10,000 Choco Pies over the Nork border. I thought that was cooler than shit. Um…Perhaps that was an unfortunate … Continue reading

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This is not, as far as I can tell, a parody.

The least appealing person I’ve ever seen demonstrates why guns in public places are a bad thing…or something. No straw man arguments there. And as far as I can tell, it’s not supposed to be a parody.

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I used to call it “acclimating,” but mostly it just felt like coping.

Forgive me, I know I’m going on at unnecessary length but there’s something about this situation that tickles my inner Oliver Wendell Douglas. I went to bed unusually late last night and slept unusually heavily, and woke to find I … Continue reading

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