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They say that Louis XIV had the inscription Ultima Ratio Regum cast into all the cannon of the French Army. It means “The Ultimate Argument of Kings,” and that always struck me as one of the most honest and up-front things any ruler or would-be ruler ever said. “We can dress it up prettier than this, but when it comes down to the unvarnished truth this is what it’s about: You’ll do as I say or I’ll send my goons to kill you.”
I thought about that for a long time. If there’s an ultimate argument, it seems only logical that there must be an ultimate answer. For years I thought the ultimate answer must be the bullets in my rifle, but it never seemed quite right. I’ve got bullets – he’s got frigging Cannon Balls. I mean, if there were three hundred million rifles throwing bullets at him, then maybe. But we all know that’s not going to happen. So if there’s an ultimate answer to his ultimate argument, it sure as hell ain’t bullets.
It finally came to me – and that’s when I abandoned the city and most of my stuff, and gave all that was behind me a good stiff Randian Shrug.
The ultimate answer to kings is not a bullet, but a belly laugh.
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Author Archives: Joel
How you know you’re working class…
I just read an article about Glenn Campbell on the anniversary of his birthday. And while I don’t actually give him much thought a linked video to Wichita Lineman made me chuckle to myself. The song was ubiquitous on the … Continue reading
Walkie snapshots…
Neighbor D had a health setback yesterday, which disrupted my plans to go to the biggish town about 35 miles away and shop for (groceries and) a holster for the Arex. Poor me, right? Having typed that first sentence I … Continue reading
Ian found the mouse nest.
Last summer there was this whole big story arc about a(t least one) nest of mice that I ended up killing one by one, starting with the adults and ending with the babies. But I never found the nest – … Continue reading
Old Uncle Joel creeps into the 21st Century…
At last night’s surprise party I received a few Joel-centric gag gifts that’ll probably never be used and one that’s already in use… …and a not-at-all gag gift from Ian, who came all the way up here to surprise me… … Continue reading
I’ve been ambushed!
Well, I can no longer say I’ve never had a birthday party. Total surprise. Details later.
Bread recipe, desert hermit style
Every now and then somebody asks for my bread recipe, and it has been a long time since I talked about that. So here’s the current version. Keep in mind that bread in the developmental stage is very sensitive to … Continue reading
I want my own acronym.
Seriously, I was thinking about it this morning. Tobie and I were out early… …and on the way home we saw our closest neighbor coming home in his new pickup, towing his flatbed trailer. It was a few minutes past … Continue reading
So somebody got on my bad side last night…
I have so many flashlights I don’t know what to do. I have a really nice rechargeable I carried for years until quite recently, when I pruned down the stuff I keep on my belt. I have a sort-of-slightly-bigger-than-a-penlight that … Continue reading
Ironically I picked the coldest windiest day in two weeks…
…to put the woodstove to bed for the season. It’s just been too nice outside for anything but play – till today when I’m relatively stuck indoors and so it was time for a good cobweb hunting and floor vacuuming. … Continue reading
Busy Day…
The return of pleasant weather has gotten me off my ass and out the door a bit more in the past couple of days, and loving it. Yesterday was a prime example… Start early – indeed, as soon as the … Continue reading
Finally got my water back.
I finally got a few consecutive hours of sunlight yesterday, and when I checked the tank it was clearly filling. Which eased my greatest fear – that the well pump would fail during its extended downtime – but didn’t answer … Continue reading
Plumbing Repairs – Good news/Bad news
April is a problematic month for the comfort of an old guy doing strenuous chores outdoors. It might work out great. It might do the other thing. Lately it’s been cold and windy and I was beginning to think I … Continue reading
Yah, he’s good.
🙂 Tobie had kind of a rough evening. He normally checks out after the evening walkie and I don’t hear much from him till morning but he just couldn’t get comfortable. His bed wasn’t right and he was crashing all … Continue reading
“Aw, c’mon. Really? [bad word]”
It’s supposed to top off in the forties today, with the same gale wind as yesterday. Murphy has made an unholy pact with the forces of weather.
Tobie got his new bed!
Thanks to Generous Reader MM. I picked it up on the way home from the big town about 50 miles away. Tobie is not completely sold, he’s only lying there because I told him to, but I don’t think it’s … Continue reading
Sometimes “oh god oh god” just doesn’t get it done…
I had to go to Wal-Mart today. For the first time in years. And it was loud. And there were too many people. And I got through it okay this time, really, didn’t actually hyperventilate at any point, but I … Continue reading
Lemme just drag myself to the keyboard here…
My back went out again yesterday. While bending over to toss a couple of sticks into the woodstove. Which I was doing because… …that’s the way yesterday started. Today, naturally, it’s a gorgeous day. Couldn’t be better! Started out mild, … Continue reading
April doesn’t want me to think I’m out of the woods…
Sigh. This, I think, is just because it got a little cold overnight. It rained all yesterday afternoon and at least some overnight, so snow first thing in the morning is not a surprise. It’s supposed to rain all day, … Continue reading
Digga we musta. Again.
Right. So back in late December we learned to our displeasure that the plumbers hired to install a whole bunch of water equipment at Ian’s Cave had taken it upon themselves to remove my shut-off valve from the tank at … Continue reading
Finally some decent weather…
Two whole days of it, if the forecast is correct. Yesterday I washed a big load of laundry and got it out on the line for some serious sunshine… …and then I finished off all the dirty stuff this morning, … Continue reading









































