“Behold, the New Man!”

Oh, God. When the “To Serve Man” aliens show up to harvest our protein, we’re toast.

Fellow Greetings! Courtesy of Alphecca, we present the “upsetting and scary” tale of an innocent fisherman who draws up an object of horror from the murky depths. Will he survive? Did he bring a change of trousers? Will this long-dormant relic from a violent past come to life and spread carnage? Stay tuned, citizens! Joy-Joy Feelings!

“I reeled in a gun,” Pina said, still hyperventilating as he described his catch more than an hour later. “Yesterday I caught a 27-inch bluefish. Today? A gun.”

“To pull something like that out of the water is extremely dangerous. I didn’t want my son to see something like that, but he did. Horrible,” Pina said. “When I pulled it up, I dropped it over at the pier. I didn’t dare to touch it.”

We extend TUAK’s best wishes that the poor brave Eloi responds well to the extensive therapy he will require.

About Joel

You shouldn't ask these questions of a paranoid recluse, you know.
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8 Responses to “Behold, the New Man!”

  1. Teresa Sue says:

    Yeah, I know Joel, there are dumbasses that walk among us. I wonder if he’s scared of other tools, like rakes, shovels, and forks…and himself.

  2. Dubber308 says:

    I only have a couple of questions for this guy.
    1. Where is this fishing hole ?
    2. What kind of bait were you using ?

  3. don says:

    I gotta find out where this guy fishes

  4. Woody says:

    “No dinner tonight,” Pina said. “I came here for some striper, not a rifle.”

    That sure did look like a pistol to me. This has got to be from the Onion.

    How dumb must one be to confuse a handgun and a rifle?

  5. Bear says:

    Joel: “When the “To Serve Man” aliens show up to harvest our protein, we’re toast.”

    _Steak_. And what’s this “we” stuff, kemosabe?

    Damn. Gun on the street, find ’em fishing… How come I never luck onto this stuff?

    And pardon me for thinking that pic looks heavily ‘Shopped.

  6. JohnW says:

    “Will clean to near mint.”

  7. Brass says:

    That thar is a surface popper. He damn well didn’t catch it on that, unless it was floating.

  8. Brass says:

    Oh, and “It’s all clear . . . everything’s all right, because it’s all clearrrr . . .”

To the stake with the heretic!