Okay, this is starting to make me mad. So let’s go over it again.

I’m seeing all these snarks from people who are frightened by firearms, suggesting that a person with an AR-15 is carrying a big gun to compensate for his small … endowment.

This cannot be the case, as I will now proceed to demonstrate. Kindly pay attention.

This is a big gun:

And this is a big gun.

This is a really big gun.

Here’s an absurdly big gun. I just can’t imagine what horrifying deficiency this poor guy must be compensating for.

This…is a wee-wee. Hint: It’s the only one that comes in pink.

Now, for my compensating needs I prefer the first rifle above. It’s long, heavy, solid – it has that old-fashioned heft the ladies like, and shoots projectiles whose weight is measured with three digits. I wouldn’t feel undercompensated with the second one, but plastic stocks just feel — I don’t know, circumsized somehow. Y’know? The third and fourth examples, those are for guys with some serious self-image problems. I’d suggest therapy – and a job in investment banking to keep themselves in ammo.

But an AR? Naw. A guy who’s carrying an AR is clearly very self-secure. He’s probably a porn star or something, because that’s the only way he could ever get away with such a wimpy little rifle. So seriously, my hoplophobic friends, you need to get your terms right.

I have no explanation for the Hummer. Maybe he just borrowed it while his Prius was in the shop.

About Joel

You shouldn't ask these questions of a paranoid recluse, you know.
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6 Responses to Okay, this is starting to make me mad. So let’s go over it again.

  1. CorbinKale says:

    When I encounter this particular bit of snark from my enemies, this reply never fails.

    “Please, stop dwelling on my penis.”

    I have found that it’s even better if others overhear and laugh.

  2. Soooo females that want those types of guns have envy of deficient equipment then? How screwed up does that make us?

  3. Joel says:

    I’m not sufficiently expert on the subject of women to be entitled to an opinion on that, GL.

  4. D.W. Drang says:

    One guy on AR15.com has a sig line that reads (more-or-less) “Of course I’m compensating. I’m compensating for the fact that I can’t kill stuff 200 meters away with my penis.”

  5. Good side step Joel….deftly done.:)

  6. Grayson says:

    Joel, please remember these words, because you’ll see them again:

    Most women cannot snore, belch, or fart (MOST women, mind you). Therefore, they have to bitch or go shooting, otherwise they will EXPLODE. That is why the male of the species must be polite and accommodating.

    Besides, as my dear sister-in-law said, “P.M.S. usually stands for Putting up with Men’s Sh*t!”
    That is a very good reason for the ladies to spend some time at the range, don’tcha think?
    And as far as I’m concerned, as long as they can handle firearms safely, they can shoot ANYTHING THEY DARN WELL PLEASE.

    Here endeth the lesson.


To the stake with the heretic!