“Thoughts on Terror Boom Boom Time: Fireworks from a dog’s point of view”

Hello, my name is Birch. I belong to James Lileks, who has the day off. I decided to write his column. On behalf of all of us in the dog community, I beg you to listen: Terror Boom Bomb Time is coming up and we dogs are begging you to stop it.

Look at it from our point of view. It’s a nice night. We’re all outside, guests are over, the grill’s working overtime and we all are having a good time. Then, all of a sudden, there’s a sound we can’t explain. Something really big just made a huge boom so loud that we can feel it in our guts. Or, worse, a whoosh and a shriek. Or a lot of short, buzzing sounds like when your mouth is full of bees.

And none of you humans seem at all bothered. By any of it.

I’m, like, “Hello? Did you not hear that? Do you not smell that? I know you have bad ears and you couldn’t smell a dead deer if it was a mile in front of you, but I’ve got thick flaps of skin and fur hanging over my ears and I heard it. Every bang, boom and hiss. I’m convinced we’re all in terrible danger. It could be that the world is ending. Let’s find shelter! Now!”

But you humans just laugh and look at the sky.


The fireworks at the fairground in the crappy little town nearest where I live are more than five miles from the Lair as the crow flies, maybe closer to ten. I can barely hear them, but I never had a dog that didn’t get upset about them. Can’t imagine how most dogs would react to actually attending a fireworks show.

About Joel

You shouldn't ask these questions of a paranoid recluse, you know.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to “Thoughts on Terror Boom Boom Time: Fireworks from a dog’s point of view”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Funny how all dogs are different. I’ve had hounds in the past that were terrified of the fireworks, gunfire and backfires. The hound I’ve got now couldn’t care less. Last night the usual suspects got to work with firecrackers, mortars and I’d swear someone has a thundermug out here. Plus the usual gunfire, quite a bit of it from the neighbor. Dog never batted an eye, other than heading over to the window, looking out….and then went back to sleep.

  2. Joel says:

    I’m happy to say I don’t have a single neighbor who thinks firing guns in the middle of the night to mark some holiday is a good idea. I did visit a city six years ago during a holiday, and sonuvagun it turned out to be a thing there.

  3. Anonymous says:

    Yeah, back when I lived in the San Diego area it was a limited thing, got worse as the years went on. Random firing into the air, every so often the bullet hits something that people notice. Demographics changed. Now I’m in Alaska, and most of the folks around here, including me, have backyard shooting ranges. We’re scattered around here, but folks doing target practice at all hours…not at all unusual. It’s not just for the holiday.

  4. mattexian says:

    I had a black lab who didn’t mind the noise at all, even enjoyed it when we took her along to the Riverfront Park for the city’s fireworks show, many years ago. One of my Heelers now hates it, in complete contrast; fireworks, thunder, the neighbor driving his pickup just on the other side of the fence, he loses his fuzzy little blue mind, and wants to crawl *under* my skin! We’ve got some chill-out chews for him, that take some of the edge off for him. Our other three dogs take their lead from us, not being alarmed by the noise, except for acknowledging it.

To the stake with the heretic!