Babylon Bee to real life: Please stop horning in on our gig.

Ten years ago it was the cause of The Onion’s descent into irrelevancy: Their brand of satire simply couldn’t keep up with everyday real-life absurdity. Now we see that even a better class of satire is clearly doomed. Witness:

Babylon Bee: Shooter Released After Authorities Determine All Victims Died Of COVID

KENTON, WA—A gunman was released from police custody on Thursday after it was determined by experts that the people he had shot were victims of COVID-19 and not his psychotic bloodlust-induced blind-firing rage-spree death-binge through downtown Kenton last week with three AR-15’s, seventeen uzis, and one bazooka and zero clothes on. “Our apologies,” said officers as they unlocked the man’s cuffs and let him walk free, snickering and shaking like a lunatic with drool hanging from his chin.

Real Life: ‘Related to obvious other causes’: Gunshot victims included in Washington coronavirus death tally

Officials in Washington have admitted that gunshot victims are included in the coronavirus death count.

The state’s Department of Health reported about 100 cases of people with the coronavirus or “probable” cases of the COVID-19 virus who died and were included in the total tally of deaths attributed to the pandemic, but officials can’t trace how the patient contracted the virus.

“Our dashboard numbers do include any death to a person that has tested positive to COVID-9,” Hutchison said.

Local outlets in the area have reported the numbers then include people who tested positive for the virus but died from other causes, such as gunshot wounds.

I don’t know which death is sadder: The last vestige of hope that you can ever trust any government statement on any subject, or my favorite form of humor.

About Joel

You shouldn't ask these questions of a paranoid recluse, you know.
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5 Responses to Babylon Bee to real life: Please stop horning in on our gig.

  1. Robert says:

    The state pads the numbers and gets more fed bucks? Or merely incompetent?

  2. winston smith says:

    Gots to be some unintended consequences when some (spit )defense atty realizes that his client couldnt possibly have murdered that guy with his firearm if the Official cause of death was Wuhan Virus.

  3. jabrwok says:

    @Robert: Embrace the power of “and”:-).

  4. Robert says:

    jabrwok: I considered it but found the thought too depressing. You have a valid point.

To the stake with the heretic!