Fat Albert the Zombie Rat: or, All My Sins Remembered…

Okay, I admit it. I’ve disregarded – even been vaguely annoyed by – all the talk of zombie preparedness. I was wr not as right as I usually am.

Last week Fat Albert, the big packrat who for quite some time has been my pantry nemesis, went to meet Baby Jesus in the jaws of a big T-Rex rat trap. When I got around to cleaning him out of the trap I found that Click (Oh Please Let It Have Been Click) had eaten him, leaving a rat tail connected to a rat head by a bloody rat spine. I just took him out to the ridge and pitched him unceremoniously over the edge, thinking that was the end of the matter. What a fool I was!

When we met again yesterday morning, he was lurking in wait at the washing machine. I didn’t hear him croak “Brains!”, but it might have been in high-pitched rat language. The barn isn’t far from the ridge: Over the side he went again.

This morning he was in the barn’s breezeway, and succeeded in creeping me out pretty thoroughly. I think I’m gonna skip geiger counters this morning and spend a few hours chasing the search term “Good Load for Zombies.”

I suppose it’s possible Click or one of the boys is having me on. But it’s better to be prepared.

About Joel

You shouldn't ask these questions of a paranoid recluse, you know.
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6 Responses to Fat Albert the Zombie Rat: or, All My Sins Remembered…

  1. Anonymous says:

    Just to be safe, you might consider a few bunches of garlic hung in strategic doorways.

  2. Anonymous says:

    You have to decapitate zombies. That was your mistake.

  3. Anonymous says:

    First the cat was drooling on you in anticipation of your discourteously delayed (the cat is waiting) demise and subsequent conversion to a meat buffet for her.
    Then you have nazi zombie drone rat central nervous systems stalking you.
    And a phantom (possibly 9mm absorbing zombie) bear lurking?

    About the rodent undead:
    Remember the Talky Tina Twilight Zone episode with Telly Savalas?

    Yer boned.

    Buck. (as yet not infected)

  4. Anonymous says:

    Thanks Joel.

    I enjoyed that chuckle.
    Say … is that a ratskelsnake behind you?

    Garlic lots of garlic … definitely.

    stay safe,


  5. Joel says:

    Isn’t garlic for vampires? I thought shotguns (and machetes, and baseball bats, and banjos) were for zombies.

  6. Claire says:

    In addition to the machetes, shotguns, etc. — don’t forget decapitating them by flinging old LPs.


To the stake with the heretic!