Hm. It seems overnight we violated Bart Simpson’s first law.

We had a cow, man.
Y’know, I love it here. I really do, and wouldn’t want to imply anything different. But in other places I’ve lived there was one rule of which, in hindsight, I rather approved.

If I or my animals came on to your property, knocked over your stuff and shat in your yard, I was the one held to be at fault. That always made sense to me, which is why I never let it happen.

As I understand it, this topsy-turvy rule under which I live is, as is so often the case when ethics and morality are turned on their head, the legacy of ‘honest’ politicians*.

Here there is extremely poor grazing land but lots and lots of it, and a hundred or more years ago nobody much cared what you did with it. Basque sheepherders ran flocks here, the second and third generation of Basque immigrants who moved here from California as soon as the U.S. Army removed the certainty of being massacred by Apaches. So when cattlemen moved in – also in the army’s wake – they found the land already being grazed.

In the movies, the cattlemen burned and coerced the sheepherders out, and probably some of that happened. But most of the reality was less dramatic. The cattlemen didn’t have to resort to Liberty Valance, because they had access to a force that was lower and more destructive still…
And as a result of the ridiculous laws that arose from the range wars over a century ago, which have since become ‘cherished’ tradition, the cattlemen got played in the movies by John Wayne and I get to shovel cow shit out of my driveway. Again.

What a woild. You may move as far from these creatures as you possibly can, but you know what you’ll find when you arrive?

ETA: In other morning news, I regret to inform that Ralphie didn’t make it through the night.

*You know the definition of an honest politician, right?

About Joel

You shouldn't ask these questions of a paranoid recluse, you know.
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8 Responses to Hm. It seems overnight we violated Bart Simpson’s first law.

  1. Ben says:

    Too bad! I was hoping your tribble was cute enough to survive.

  2. MamaLiberty says:

    Yes, we have the “cows have more rights than people” problem here. Unfortunately, that extends to deer, antelope, elk and almost all the other wildlife. It’s tough to compete as a government impaired human. A friend up north had her property over run with buffalo a year or so ago… I’ll take the deer anytime over that. They completely mowed down her property line fence and destroyed a garden and a pile of hay bales. You may or may not want to even imagine the piles of buffalo poop. And she gets to eat the cleanup cost, since the ferret circus (forest “service”) maroons have determined that she didn’t have an adequate fence! The hay alone cost several thousand dollars and she had to scramble to feed her own cattle and horses, since she does NOT allow them to roam onto the property of others.

    Darn… poor little chickie thing. You are a good man, Joel. I actually don’t know many people who would have bothered with it for a minute. I like to think I would have… but I never did that much when I had farm animals, and probably wouldn’t have.

    How are the rest of the chicks doing?

  3. Robert says:

    Aww, I was hoping little Ralphie would make it despite my blathering about him being a target.

    Joel, would those mobile poop factories have the memory to avoid your turf if they got hit with OMG-decibels from a portable air horn?

  4. Joel says:

    Doubt it. They don’t seem especially traumatized by gunfire.

    The experiment would be fun, but I don’t recall seeing anybody selling air horns around here.

  5. Robert says:

    What about that internet thing the kids are always yammering about? I don’t suppose the Brown Truck of Happiness will drop a box off at the USPS to be held? Oh, wait, does the nearest town even HAVE a post office?

  6. MJR says:

    It’s a shame about the little fuzz ball. Better now then when you really become attached.

    I was curious and took a look at controlling nuisance cattle, ya good luck with that. sadly every strategy I found, and there were several, revolve around putting up a fence, or moving. I guess I’m still a naive city boy. Who ever thought, in this day and age, cows would have more property rights on other peoples property then the actual property owners. Incredible.

  7. Tennessee Budd says:

    Sorry to hear about the little dude, but it happens. He wouldn’t have made it long anyway if he’d grown into Bowling Pin Desert Chicken, which would be your luck.

  8. jon spencer says:

    Since Bird Bombs and decent sized Salutes are on the ATF’s naughty list, what about a homemade M-80 equivalent and a slingshot?

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