Somebody picked on one of my ancestors once, so you owe me stuff.

Let’s start with a 4X4 Lambo and a truckload of canned goods. There are some power tools I’ve been looking at, and I want all the crimes I’ve ever committed retroactively made non-criminal*. And my debts paid. Then we can start talking about actual reparations. Don’t know how much you owe me exactly, though I’m prepared to be open-ended about that just to stay on the safe side. Best to assume you’ll be paying me for a long time. Especially after we get to the part where we re-order the whole society to put me in charge.

Hey, I demand it so it’s my right.

This is hilarious. Apparently in order for everybody – except white oppressors, of course – to have a say, the organizers of this thing had to make certain, um, concessions in their platform…

We believe in elevating the experiences and leadership of the most marginalized Black people, including but not limited to those who are women, queer, trans, femmes, gender nonconforming, Muslim, formerly and currently incarcerated, cash poor and working class, differently-abled, undocumented, and immigrant. We are intentional about amplifying the particular experience of state and gendered violence that Black queer, trans, gender nonconforming, women and intersex people face. There can be no liberation for all Black people if we do not center and fight for those who have been marginalized. It is our hope that by working together to create and amplify a shared agenda, we can continue to move towards a world in which the full humanity and dignity of all people is recognized.

But no white people of any description, because they’re all racists. Apparently not even white people who identify as black, because – I dunno, maybe that’s cultural appropriation or something.

I had in mind throwing in a Monty Python clip here, but the weather’s not allowing it and anyway you get the point. Everybody’s oppressed except everybody I hate; they should all pay for the crime of being bastards.

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*Mostly, this is probably not a bad idea.