Trump personally drowns puppies, old ladies.

Many more virgin sacrifices than Obama administration, anonymous sources report.

After destroying the Texas coast and the city of Houston with Hurricane Harvey, purchased from Russia with funds laundered from the Republican National Committee, President Trump is here shown personally drowning little old ladies in their nursing home. “Their ancestors were illegal aliens,” anonymous sources report he shouted during the horrific atrocity.

About Joel

You shouldn't ask these questions of a paranoid recluse, you know.
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14 Responses to Trump personally drowns puppies, old ladies.

  1. Ben says:

    Worse yet, the popcorn machine is empty.

  2. Joel says:

    You don’t want soggy popcorn anyway.

  3. Andrew says:

    So, the (republican) Governor of Texas says, “GET OUT, NOW!!!

    The (democrat) Mayor of Houston pulls a Ray Negin and says, “Stay, You’ll be safer.”

    So, who gets the blame?

    So far, President Trump.


  4. Ben says:

    Andrew, that’s actually an easy question, because disaster preparation and the early response to any disaster must always be a local responsibility. I’m not sure that there’s any blame to be apportioned here, but the Mayor of Houston should know Houston better than anyone in state or Federal government..

    Going back a few years for an example: I blame GW Bush for lots of things, but not for New Orlean’s lack of disaster readiness and their criminally bungled disaster management after Hurricane Katrina. That was a local responsibility!

  5. tamslick says:

    Trump is turning on the MRAP pipeline to help provide rescue vehicles for all those people…

    Wait, wait…my bad. The MRAPs are for Sessions’ renewed Wo(S)D.

    As you were.

  6. Joel says:

    Yeah, because everybody knows if you go after a pot smoker in anything less than a mineproof combat vehicle, you may as well just suck-start your Glock in the station and save everybody the trouble.

  7. Mark Matis says:

    They need those instead to deal with the Communist terrorists that are rampaging across this country.

    By the way, did anyone else notice that the lights are on in that photo of the grannies sitting in waist deep water? Sure looks like someone is preparing to give them some shock treatment…

  8. tamslick says:

    “Communist terrorists” are this year’s “knockout game” scare for suburban crackers.

  9. Andrew says:


    The mayor’s office should also be plugged into the info-net as to what areas are prone to flooding in a normal year, a non-normal year, and a 100-year-flood year, and tell the people in the path to get out. Not evacuate the whole city, but areas that are prone or will flood.

    You can’t tell me that in the whole city of Houston, there isn’t any information as to which street and neighborhood flood the quickest.

    Mayor at fault, along with his administration. Hang them. Hang them high. Let it be a lesson to those who follow not to go the way of New Orleans with the politics and stupidity.

    I fully blame any deaths in the Houston area directly on the shoulders of the man who had the power to proactively save them. The Mayor. May he burn in hell forever.

    I mean, they only had 4 days before they knew it was going to hit. What did they need, a friggin finger of God pointing at the storm and a choir of angels shouting “Hey, Lookie Here! This Shit’s Gonna Be Bad, All Y’all!!!!?”

  10. Joel says:

    And where was The Mayor supposed to tell them to go? Out into the wilderness? Did he have the hidden locations of the Secret FEMA Concentration Camps? Were they to head for high ground and camp?

    I don’t make a habit of defending politicians, but anybody who could have solved this for several million people in a few days of prep, and get them all out of the city in a safe and orderly fashion without causing more mayhem than he prevented, wouldn’t need to run for office – he’d be god.

  11. Andrew says:

    Joel, there are these strange things called ‘roads’ that lead to other strange things called ‘cities and towns’ that are above the flood plains and out of the path of the storm and the waters therein.

    Not trying to be an asshole, but it is what I tend to do best, so please keep reading and stick with me, okay?

    It really is simple. Drive away from the path of the storm, drive uphill. Get at least 100 miles from any potentially affected area (first, because prices will be cheaper, and second, not to strain resources.) Scatter away from the storm effects.

    Once the self-evacuators get out, then the city, state and national efforts can be used to rescue those not able to self-evacuate.

    So, in this case, driving northwest or west from Houston would be the ticket. Lots of space to evacuate westwardly, same to the northwest or even straight north.

    Sorry, but living in hurricane country you should learn the simple rules of “Up, or Out, Both is Best.”

    Unfortunately, too many placed their fates into the hands of the stupid mayor.

    Not like the Governor hadn’t been telling them for a week to leave. Or the weather services. Or the newsies. I mean, this isn’t the Galveston hurricane from the early 20th century. We can tell when and where this stuff is going now.

    And Houston has a long history of flooding. Early 2000’s, downtown Houston flooded, and at least some deaths were from people taking elevators to flooded basement parking garages. It’s not like they didn’t already know the potential hazardous areas.

  12. Joel says:

    I don’t disagree that evacuation would have been a very good thing for individuals to do. I just asked why you blame the mayor for not ordering an evacuation, when to do so would have landed the whole matter in the city’s lap – and you’re right, there was clearly no plan – and set upwards of 6 million people on the road with nowhere to go on the other end of the instant gridlock. It certainly would have killed more than it saved.

    My safety is my concern, not some mayor’s.

  13. feralfae says:

    Nobody stopped anyone from leaving.
    Maybe we could write this off to evolution in action, if it weren’t for the beneficent hand of government swooping in and throwing tax dollars around to rescue those who could not read, hear, or otherwise be aware that they needed to get the heck out of Houston. Just sayin’

To the stake with the heretic!