Why does that hermit have that big ring of keys?

I recently heard a one-liner from a movie I never saw, and now I can’t wait to work it into a conversation: “Don’t call me ‘sir,’ that’s like putting an elevator in an outhouse.” Townie strangers who run into me kind of recoil – you can see them consciously trying to decide if they’ve fallen into a Deliverance remake and if maybe they should be running.

But that’s just appearances, some of which I used to deliberately cultivate. Now I’ve been here 15 peaceful years and I carry a key to nearly every weekender home within a 2-mile radius, because entropy must be battled and I can be trusted to do that.

Not sure you can say the same thing about Tobie…


On this morning’s walkie I stopped in at the getaway of an occasional visitor, who has a friend that Tobie regards as the most wonderful, intriguing, ethereal creature he has ever encountered. Tobie disappeared inside with suspicious speed, and I found him worshipping at a particular altar…


And he wasn’t all that happy about leaving. I think he just planned to wait right there for his goddess’s return.

Laddie was the same way: He acted as if he had never encountered a female dog in his life. Tobie would probably have a better shot at the prize, but it’s a shame about that little operation he got in the shelter…

About Joel

You shouldn't ask these questions of a paranoid recluse, you know.
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2 Responses to Why does that hermit have that big ring of keys?

  1. Glenn Hogg says:

    In the submarine force we said it “Don’t call me sir! My parents were married!” (Al officers were bastards…)

  2. Anonymous says:

    His tail is wagging so fast it’s a blur!

To the stake with the heretic!