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They say that Louis XIV had the inscription Ultima Ratio Regum cast into all the cannon of the French Army. It means “The Ultimate Argument of Kings,” and that always struck me as one of the most honest and up-front things any ruler or would-be ruler ever said. “We can dress it up prettier than this, but when it comes down to the unvarnished truth this is what it’s about: You’ll do as I say or I’ll send my goons to kill you.”
I thought about that for a long time. If there’s an ultimate argument, it seems only logical that there must be an ultimate answer. For years I thought the ultimate answer must be the bullets in my rifle, but it never seemed quite right. I’ve got bullets – he’s got frigging Cannon Balls. I mean, if there were three hundred million rifles throwing bullets at him, then maybe. But we all know that’s not going to happen. So if there’s an ultimate answer to his ultimate argument, it sure as hell ain’t bullets.
It finally came to me – and that’s when I abandoned the city and most of my stuff, and gave all that was behind me a good stiff Randian Shrug.
The ultimate answer to kings is not a bullet, but a belly laugh.
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Author Archives: Joel
High tech, low tech…middle tech?
This is a house full of no doubt typical household gadgets, some of which seem weird and almost sinister to an old man who’s spent the past dozen years deliberately lowering his tech expectations to what’s supported by his dependably … Continue reading
A quick morning expedition…
Okay, I spent yesterday hiding from the sun and the heat, slowly unpacking and de-stressing and generally evaluating what I’ve gotten myself into. By noon two things were clear: It was too damned hot to do anything outdoors beyond the … Continue reading
This is what I get for inheriting dogs from women…
Laddie fell head over cliché for my host of the female persuasion, who just left for the airport. He is now rushing from door to door, crying piteously. Less secure feelings than mine would be hurt. 🙂
Wow. I love the future!
My hosts’ house has a little room not unlike the little room in the Secret Lair, except cleaner and containing within it yet another even smaller room with glass walls and a tiled and drained floor! The purpose of this … Continue reading
Where I’m sitting at this moment…
…is not where I would choose to be. But some necessary business arose, serendipitously at the exact time I was already going to a city where it could be done. Talk more about it later. In any case I have … Continue reading
Highest recorded water pressure…
Yesterday evening I turned off the well pump, the tank level showing 2000 gallons. This morning I looked at the resting water pressure… …and it’s indicating 19 psi, the highest I’ve ever seen. Probably I could get it a hair … Continue reading
A Century-old Tragedy…
I remember reading about this rifle when it was found and thinking, “There but for the grace of god…” 137-year-old Winchester rifle found in Nevada has new home BAKER, Nev. — A 137-year-old rifle found five years ago leaning against … Continue reading
Torso Boy the Intrepid
Laddie was feeling butthurt this morning. He’d had his breakfast and his little walkie around the yard, but now Uncle Joel was suiting up to go away and he didn’t feel like being left alone. He planted himself between me … Continue reading
Turned the well pump on today…
I dipped the tank this morning and we’re down to about 1100 gallons. The tank capacity is 2400, so we’re below 50%. If I weren’t going away for three weeks I’d have left the experiment running longer, but we do … Continue reading
Congratulations to Ian and Headstamp Publishing!
They passed $800,000 before the end! What a great start for the book and the future of the company! Well done! The book is due to be available for retail sale in October, I believe.
When she’s on your property, it’s her property.
I kind of make a big deal about private property, tourists not welcome, “no trespassing” means you. I make exceptions. That’s a wasp called a Tarantula Hawk. They’re attracted to water. I went out after lunch to finish up and … Continue reading
Gutter’s done, sort of…
The coupler is leaking, which should not have been such a disappointing surprise because I forgot until it started dripping that only one side of it is sealed with silicone. I’ll fix that after lunch. First thing I did was … Continue reading
Sudden change of fortune…
Another neighbor was going to town, and I hitched a ride to get the downspout parts I needed. So now I can finish the gutter before I leave. Huh. Pictures upload much faster here than at the Lair. Also the … Continue reading
Another busted shock
Since I’m hung up on gutters and don’t feel like painting, I figured I’d take a few and fix the Jeep’s latest busted rear shock absorber. This is, I swear, the only vehicle I’ve ever used where it didn’t really … Continue reading
Dammit! My Emotional Support Rattlesnakes will have to stay home now.
Delta passenger mauled by emotional support dog files lawsuit “While Mr. Jackson was securing his seatbelt, the animal began to growl” at him, according to the lawsuit. “The dog then bit Jackson several times.The attack was briefly interrupted when the … Continue reading
Man. Three more inches…
Too short – it’s the story of my life. That’s all the 4″ pipe I have left from the rebuild I did on my sewer line a year ago February. I really thought that shorter piece would be enough to … Continue reading
Curses! This happens every time…
Unless I can scrounge a couple of downspout elbows I’ve gone as far on the gutter as I can. Missed one bitsy detail. Installing the gutter went smoothly enough. This one is four feet shorter than the first one I … Continue reading
Phoebe’s babies are flying!
And they’re comically bad at it. Particularly landings. Landings are apparently hard. This little guy flew ahead of me around the back of the cabin easily enough but then had a terrible time maneuvering to perch on the solar panel. … Continue reading
Three days to go…
Anyone who considered getting in on Ian’s phenomenal book kickstarter ought to get on it. Not that it’s ever going to be considered a failure… 😀 He told me privately at the beginning that while the threshold goal was $25,000 … Continue reading









































