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They say that Louis XIV had the inscription Ultima Ratio Regum cast into all the cannon of the French Army. It means “The Ultimate Argument of Kings,” and that always struck me as one of the most honest and up-front things any ruler or would-be ruler ever said. “We can dress it up prettier than this, but when it comes down to the unvarnished truth this is what it’s about: You’ll do as I say or I’ll send my goons to kill you.”
I thought about that for a long time. If there’s an ultimate argument, it seems only logical that there must be an ultimate answer. For years I thought the ultimate answer must be the bullets in my rifle, but it never seemed quite right. I’ve got bullets – he’s got frigging Cannon Balls. I mean, if there were three hundred million rifles throwing bullets at him, then maybe. But we all know that’s not going to happen. So if there’s an ultimate answer to his ultimate argument, it sure as hell ain’t bullets.
It finally came to me – and that’s when I abandoned the city and most of my stuff, and gave all that was behind me a good stiff Randian Shrug.
The ultimate answer to kings is not a bullet, but a belly laugh.
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Author Archives: Joel
Okay, you guys know I don’t notice electoral politics except for purposes of ridicule…
…and when I break the above rule I am always, invariably, wrong. But that being the case I’m on safe ground here, because I have no set opinion. This is either the smartest or the stupidest political ad I’ve ever … Continue reading
Digging out
Cloudy and windy all day yesterday, you just knew something dramatic was going to happen. The desert likes its drama. It finally started snowing around 2:30 and didn’t stop until around six in the evening. Not a huge accumulation, 2 … Continue reading
Stormy weather…
The weather turned nasty. It’s a little after noon and the road mud is still frozen, the wind is whistling down the stovepipe – making it difficult for smoke to go up the stovepipe – and it’s supposed to rain … Continue reading
I like to think I’ve been a corrupting influence…
I’ve mentioned before that even out here in the boonies, walking around openly carrying a big-ass revolver every single day will get you a bit of a rep. It’s the good-but-sometimes-irritating kind of rep, where people expect you to be … Continue reading
Look! Look!
There’s this strange liquid substance I can’t quite identify… It’s everywhere! It combines with the dirt on the ground to make another substance I think I’ll call “mud” – we’ve got lots of that now! I wonder what you can … Continue reading
Mike Vanderboegh needs our help
A little over a week ago we got the news that Mike Vanderboegh at Sipsey Street Irregulars is not long for this world. He’s been fighting cancer for several years, and sadly it seems that short of a miracle it’s … Continue reading
Every now and then a visitor gets lost in the desert…
The roads wind around following the terrain and make no logical sense. It’s easy to lose your way and not be able to find the way back toward pavement. So a couple of times I have led people out. I’ve … Continue reading
And this is why we need more gun control laws.
In the gun-free paradise of Chicago, something contrary to the accepted narrative continues to occur… Seven people were shot to death and 30 more were wounded across Chicago over the weekend, raising the number of shootings in the city to … Continue reading
And then suddenly I see this…
…and I’m reassured that becoming a crotchety guy version of a crazy cat lady is not the worst way I could have ended up… Of all the white chick things ever written, this is quite possibly the white chickest https://t.co/rQoAA9U8Zx — … Continue reading
“I’ll be one of those pathetic characters…”
Went over to D&L’s to help them unload the pallet-load of wood pellets they brought back from the big town about 35 miles away. L invited me in for a sandwich, and we got to talking about logistics. I’m about … Continue reading
Yes. I rarely noticed him.
I wasn’t going to say anything about David Bowie, who probably wasn’t much of a factor in your average redneck kid’s life – he certainly didn’t influence mine in any noticeable way. But I did run across this quote in … Continue reading
Guns are bad, m’kay?
For you little people. But we’re important. It’s a good thing for most of these people that they don’t think. If they did and had an ounce of honesty, self-knowledge would destroy them. They’d spontaneously combust or something. On the … Continue reading
Empty suits with empty chairs
Get a load of this… A Vacant Seat for the Victims of Gun Violence Last week, the President took a series of commonsense steps to help reduce gun violence in America and make our communities safer. We leave one seat … Continue reading
Some cattle crossed the edge of the yard yesterday…
…just before dusk. This new herd hasn’t been much prone to do that, for some reason their daily migrations seem more north-south than east-west, and so they haven’t been informed of the rule against crossing through Ghost’s yard. And after … Continue reading
Huh. It turns out it can be done.
Yeah, still talking about the weather. It’s actually a pleasant night for January in the high desert. The wind isn’t blowing. It’s in the high twenties outside, it’ll get a lot colder before morning but that’s not so bad for … Continue reading
Check this out…
I got an email from the Unnamed Person who deals with my mail drop. For reasons of weather and traction I have not seen this person for most of the winter. But I was informed that I will receive a … Continue reading
Oh, that’s just mean.
Still going on about the weather here at always-fascinating TUAK, because it’s early January and weather is the only thing going on. Woke this morning at dawn and it had clearly stayed clear and gotten very cold overnight. As cold … Continue reading
After the snow, the sun
Snowed off and on all day yesterday, sometimes heavily, sometimes with interludes of sun enough to make the batteries nice and happy. Overnight, apparently, came the deluge… Three inches overnight is far from a record even for this winter, but … Continue reading
Please allow me to fill you with gut-wrenching terror…
Whooo! Scared yet? Graar! Yeah, I know. I can’t pull it off. It’s one of those mornings here at the Secret Lair, with a featureless gray sky and lots of new snow. At time of picture I was just inside … Continue reading
Socked in
The weather report at the beginning of the week predicted a week of heavy clouds, which mostly didn’t happen until today. The past three days have been partly cloudy and snowy, but with plenty of sunny spells to keep the … Continue reading









































