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They say that Louis XIV had the inscription Ultima Ratio Regum cast into all the cannon of the French Army. It means “The Ultimate Argument of Kings,” and that always struck me as one of the most honest and up-front things any ruler or would-be ruler ever said. “We can dress it up prettier than this, but when it comes down to the unvarnished truth this is what it’s about: You’ll do as I say or I’ll send my goons to kill you.”
I thought about that for a long time. If there’s an ultimate argument, it seems only logical that there must be an ultimate answer. For years I thought the ultimate answer must be the bullets in my rifle, but it never seemed quite right. I’ve got bullets – he’s got frigging Cannon Balls. I mean, if there were three hundred million rifles throwing bullets at him, then maybe. But we all know that’s not going to happen. So if there’s an ultimate answer to his ultimate argument, it sure as hell ain’t bullets.
It finally came to me – and that’s when I abandoned the city and most of my stuff, and gave all that was behind me a good stiff Randian Shrug.
The ultimate answer to kings is not a bullet, but a belly laugh.
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Author Archives: Joel
It’s a bad, bad, really terribly awful thing…
…that detail-cleaning my kitchen is so uncommon I’m actually writing a blog post about it. And that’s all I have to say about that.
Wait. What happened to equality?
When I read elsewhere that Gabby Giffords was on a ‘Protect All Women tour,’ I assumed it was a snarky joke. Who besides cisgender patriarchal white male jerks would ever think all women need protection? Surely at least some of … Continue reading
Up with the chickens…
…to feed the horses. Everybody with a pet knows what a hassle it can be when you need to go out of town and find someone to take care of your animal(s). The bigger the animal and the more elaborate … Continue reading
Here’s something useful I didn’t know I didn’t know
From Brigid: The difference between paraffin and beeswax in candles turns out to be significant and could even be important to you. Personally I don’t use candles, but if you do you might want to read this.
Private to Moms Demand Attention: Armed robbery is already against Kroger policy.
Okay, now, this is funny. A guy wearing a scary mask and waving a gun around robbed a Cincinnati Kroger. No, that’s not the funny part. In fact that’s kind of deplorable. The funny part is that Moms who Demand … Continue reading
Come back with a warrant: Not just pretty words, Mr. Director.
Governments hate encryption*. That’s a truism like ‘a cloudless sky is blue,’ but the feds were traditionally a little more discrete about acting on their hatred before the current police state demanded out loud that we sacrifice ‘a little convenience … Continue reading
A roaming gun free zone?
You’ve got to give them points for consistency, I suppose. The double-plus goodthinking fathers, mothers and nannies of Washington DC determined long ago that only criminals and cops should have guns, that’s the way they like it, and that’s the … Continue reading
Damn, that was thoughtful.
Woke up this morning to a message indicating somebody had dropped $200 into my Paypal account for new tires. That was awfully thoughtful, and much appreciated. Unfortunately the Jeep, being a Jeep, bears tires that originally cost the approximate price … Continue reading
Timing is everything. :)
So yesterday, amid my troubles, a paying gig landed in my lap. GC Guy told me just a few days ago that we wouldn’t be making any more arsenic caps for at least a month. This both pleased me, because … Continue reading
A lengthy and unpleasant morning…
Tore an inner sidewall on the crappy spare I’ve been using – that’ll teach me to get tires fixed when I can, because now I’m stranded. What with one thing or another I had a nice five-mile walk through broken … Continue reading
Life sucks, and then you get cheese.
Poor Ghost. Yesterday morning before shit-shoveling he vanished without notice or trace. This is very common behavior on Saturdays, when our weekender neighbors S&L are up. He’s been doing it for longer than I’ve lived here, and I’m not ever … Continue reading
Neglect thou not to subtract the tare, Joel.
I’m conducting an experiment. It’s for educational purposes only. I borrowed this Kill-a-Watt from neighbor J. It’s a terrifically useful gadget for anybody with a roll-yer-own electrical system, and turns out to have a slightly disorienting flaw that should have … Continue reading
So the government figures you need help using a microwave oven.
This isn’t new and apparently it didn’t catch on. I just thought it was funny. The weird* thing about it is that there seems to be no such website as myplate.gov. USDA has choosemyplate.gov, which might be what they mean. … Continue reading
And here we go.
Came down this morning to outdoor/indoor temps of 35/51. By no means as cold as it’s going to get, duh, it’s only mid-October. But cold enough, alas, that it’s time to begin suffering my morning dose of tension. It’s not … Continue reading
Best Oatmeal-Raisin Cookie Recipe
It’s a windy, windy day here at the Secret Lair. Sometimes it drops down to merely gusty. Not at all cold, really, but for sure a day to stay in and bake cookies. This is the best and most reliable … Continue reading
Working on it…
It did not taste as good as it smelled. At least not out of my sister-in-law’s horrible percolator. In fact it put me off coffee for more than a decade.
Sometimes you’ve got to wonder: What’s in that hole?
The sandy banks of the wash are liberally punctured with dens of rats and ground squirrels and such: I don’t hurt them because they can’t hurt me. But what the hell lives in that one? We encountered it in a … Continue reading
Cruise Control is a Mischievous Little Dork.
Cruiser’s pen is right next to the one that holds Avalon, H’s favorite saddle mare. Avalon is a sweet girl but a little excitable – when another horse screws with her, instead of going off somewhere else she stands there … Continue reading
Sunny Morning…
…for once. I heard something about a tropical storm down south of here, didn’t pay any attention at the time but it might explain the sudden spasm of wet weather. It rained all night, night before last, and a couple … Continue reading
Overcast morning after a cloudy day…
…and nothing’s really going on anyway. Just sayin’ I’m gonna give the batteries a break this morning and see how things go. Later.









































