Author Archives: Joel

About Joel

You shouldn't ask these questions of a paranoid recluse, you know.

Hot.

Oh, man. It’s been kinda hot for the past couple of weeks, but nothing really worth complaining about and we always had a nice evening breeze to cool things down for sleeping. Now it’s 11:30, I just finished three and … Continue reading

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Equipment: I’m not a mall ninja, I just play one on TV.

A few months ago I visited Landlady’s house. The boys were in the Jeep with me and went mad at the sight of three dogs hanging around the porch. They were big, ugly pit bull sorta dogs. One was obviously … Continue reading

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Ow. Migraine.

Intended that this should be a busy morning before it got hot. Then my vision started closing in, as it does a few times a year. Seems like everything goes out of focus. Can’t see to read, can barely walk … Continue reading

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I’ll pass.

There’s a plant that grows around here, and you can’t miss it if you see one in bloom. I never gave them much thought before yesterday. But in the early morning as we Jeeped through the wash on the way … Continue reading

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What, exactly, is the problem with checking the address first?

Would that make your job too hard? Because we don’t want to make your job too hard, short-bus. On the other hand we don’t want you to shoot us, our children, or our dogs. So let’s compromise, okay? Check the … Continue reading

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I see by the clock on the wall…

…that it’s time to complain about the weather! It’s early summer, which means hot in the afternoon and windy/cool in the evening. Of course this is also Murphy’s Land, which means the weather does whatever the hell it wants. All … Continue reading

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Fast & Furious goes into extra innings…

So I heard on the radio this morning that “President Obama on Wednesday asserted executive privilege over documents sought by a House committee in its investigation of the botched “Fast and Furious” operation.” It’s all very funny: Last I heard … Continue reading

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Crazy morning ahead…

Got several things to do, hopefully at least one to finish. In the place where a thought-provoking wall’o’words that would CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOREVER FOR THE BETTER should be, here’s a funny picture.

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Mark Chapman could have prevented this.

Two feet to the right, man. War is Over… again! Yoko Ono launches latest London exhibition with some suitably wacky artwork No, her “art” hasn’t improved.

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How to make skydiving safe

I sometimes read an article, then scroll back up to the header to see if it’s from The Onion. This has just got to be a joke. Tragedy spotlights loose skydiving regulation The incident is shining a light on an … Continue reading

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Hey, regular readers! Listen up!

Remember back in March, when I announced TUAK might be moving to its own domain? Well, that project just sat there for a while, because it’s a Joel project and that’s what they often do. When I don’t know what … Continue reading

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At least they didn’t keep me hanging…

Thank you for contacting us about our PVC leg. We would be glad to assist you, however we are currently using our PVC leg only as a temporary secondary leg while we work on obtaining more testing for it. Once … Continue reading

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Sometimes I get a song stuck in my head…

…And I want to hang on to it for a while, because it might make good relish for a post about something else. But I usually forget. So today’s Song in my Head is dedicated to most of mankind. Present … Continue reading

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When V’ger comes back, I hope he’s not too mad…

Voyager 1 signals that it has reached the edge of interstellar space – 11billion miles away I didn’t know the thing was still transmitting. That’s cool. The Voyager 1, built by Nasa and launched in 1977 has spent the last … Continue reading

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On second thought, let’s not go to California. It is a silly place.

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I have questions. I have doubts. But if it works I’ll take two.

A giant leg up: BYU students invent new prosthetic leg They used to carve “wooden legs” out of actual wood. It wasn’t very complicated and it probably didn’t cost all that much. It also didn’t work very well. Now a … Continue reading

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MSNBC: We put the “Napalm” in “Civil Discourse.”

I remember when liberal newsreaders claimed to be all neutral and stuff. Can’t say whether Bashir has ever made that claim. But what bothers me is that if you’re going to make a political ad about a bus tour, add … Continue reading

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We actually have conversations like this…

Yeah, mean. I know. But they’re such slow-moving targets. Ghost has the best “you suck” face in the inhabited galaxy.

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QoD: : “Oh, just go ahead and shoot” edition…

I’m trying to think of an alternate scenario where you could stumble across a screaming toddler being sexually assaulted by a grown man with his trousers at half-mast and not be cleared guns hot.

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“Electric Brain Fart” would be a good name for a rock band.

So Friday afternoon I took delivery on a couple of six-volt deep-cycle batteries for the Lair, represented as lightly used. And yesterday morning while it was still cool I brought my wrenches and multimeter out to hook these bad boys … Continue reading

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