“If it saves just one life…”

…it’s worth destroying any number of already-stressed industries, I suppose.

Because one day not long ago, an idealistic, concerned New York legislator rose, stretched, gazed out his window past his armed guards and then – no doubt in a blinding flash of light – received a world-changing epiphany.

“You know what this world needs? This world needs more metal detectors, that’s what this world needs.”

Yeah, that’s the ticket.

Because children, or something. Yeah.

State Sen. Tony Avella (D-Queens) has announced he’s developing legislation that would require theater, indoor mall and stadium owners to provide enhanced security, WCBS 880’s Alex Silverman reported.

“Either a metal detector and security or security officers with the wand that they can wave,” he said.

After all there are still a few people willing to walk into theaters and shopping malls, and that just won’t do.

And a slogan. Yeah. We need a slogan. Something familiar, something warm and fuzzy…

As for the potential inconvenience of metal detectors, Avella said it would be worth it if it saves just one life.

Brilliant! What could possibly go wrong? Move the mummies of Hillary, Joe and Bernie aside and run this fresh young face for prez, that’s what I say.

And at his inauguration, we can have lots of security officers with that wand that they can wave. Because that says freedom. Yeah.

About Joel

You shouldn't ask these questions of a paranoid recluse, you know.
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6 Responses to “If it saves just one life…”

  1. Nosmo says:

    If I had any doubt that we have passed the Point of No Return this erased it.

    I need more beans, bullets and bandaids. Lots more. RFN.

  2. Kentucky says:

    Keep your wand . . . I’ll take a shoulder thing that goes up!

    😉

  3. Paul Bonneau says:

    Why does getting government “help” always seem like rape?

  4. Joel says:

    Because there’s no practical difference?

    Just guessing.

  5. phred ! says:

    Sounds like someone has a cousin in the metal detector business.

  6. Allen says:

    Phred, bingo!

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