The Ultimate Answer to Kings

Yeah, I need to grab some lunch and get to work, but what the hell…

“the Democrats won’t pull out of Iraq and Afghanistan..they are not organized enough. They couldn’t even get Bill Clinton to pull out of Monica Lewinsky.”

– Ron Hart

Not as bad as the first, but this time we did get some damage. That big plastic sail I taped to the fruit tree tried manfully to uproot the poor thing, not to mention knocking off most of the blossoms I was trying to save in the first place. Bother. A windbreak gate’s hinges got torn right out of the wood, doing minor secondary damage as it traveled in a very purposeful windward direction.

In other news, Ghost seems on the mend. He’s putting more weight on the paw, though he still goes three-legged when he wants to run. He’s obviously in better spirits than yesterday.

It’s still quite windy this morning, which is a bit unusual as the storms usually blow themselves out overnight and then resume in the afternoon. So it’s possible we’re gonna have an entertaining afternoon. Yay!

One thing I’ve never even come close to breaking Ghost of is chasing trucks. He just loves it so, he won’t listen to me at all and I’ve always been terrified he was going to get hurt. Well, maybe this will teach him a lesson.

He came back on three legs, and my spine went cold. He’s not one to milk an injury. But it appears he just snagged a hind claw. He’s still not putting much weight on it, though. I loaded him into the Jeep this morning and took him to D&L’s place for a second opinion, because L knows a lot more about animals than I do. She confirmed my opinion that it’s nothing serious.

Maybe this will cause him to think twice next time. I doubt it, but maybe.

I don’t know who this guy is. I don’t know what his politics are. He’s in the EU parliament, so I assume he’s a scumbag. But this speech, spoken to the British Prime Minister while the PM is in the room, is both a marvelous deconstruction of Keynesian economics and the most erudite put-down I’ve ever witnessed. Spoken almost extemporaneously, just referring to notes; no teleprompter. Gad, if American pols spoke like this, I’d have retained my interest in politics.

If you haven’t already seen this (I’ve seen it about five times today and wasn’t even trying) click and ENJOY. Popcorn optional; this ain’t no government blog.

So yesterday evening I’m looking for the dogs’ snacky dishes. I foolishly left two of them near the powerhouse before the wind storm, and the wind just sucks everything from there to the meadow. Found one; the other may be in Kansas. Or possibly Oz.

My landlady has a couple of 55-gallon water barrels which I don’t use; since it’s just me here it’s easier to filter my drinking water than to haul it from town. So while I was cleaning up trash yesterday afternoon I didn’t even notice that one was gone. And while I’m looking for dishes, I wonder “What’s that blue thing, down in the middle of the meadow? Couldn’t believe my eyes.

No damage, thankfully. But how it got out of the boughs of that tree I’d wedged it in for safekeeping, I don’t even want to know.

…Cleaning up the mess from yesterday evening.

The wind came up yesterday afternoon as expected, but toward sunset it really started to howl. We’ve had outbuildings blown right over during spring windstorms – yesterday’s was almost as bad as any I’ve seen, so I was interested to see what kind of damage I’d have to deal with this morning.

Not so bad, really; no structural damage. Lots of things flung down the leeward slope. The wind sucked a milk crate out from under my lair and smashed it to bits against a tree, flinging pieces everywhere. Dust drifted all over the place. An exposed workbench swept clean of lumber, toolboxes, power tools…

Where I grew up, we’d call it a hurricane. Here we just call it a spring wind, and use it to keep the Californians at bay.

Rather than take a whole bunch of pictures, here’s a representative example. Yesterday these guys were neatly stacked and straight. I remember a visitor asking why we went to the trouble of tying them to a skid. If he’s reading this blog, this is why…

My landlord had a couple of storebought sawhorses that weren’t all that strongly built to begin with and have seen a lot of service. I got tired of having to stop what I was doing and screw them back together, so – since I have all these 2X4s stored – decided I should just build a new pair.

Simple, huh? Any carpenter could do it on a smoke break. Well, I’m not a carpenter. I sat around trying to decide how to build a set of homemade (and hopefully better) sawhorses, and finally just typed “sawhorse plans” into Google.

I got 46,800 hits. Okay, some people have too much time on their hands. But we knew that.

I went with the first one.

The sawhorses are different, because this way they can be braced at the bottom and still stack. One is 2 inches smaller and has its braces on the inside of the legs. Works pretty good!

Of course the plan says the project can be done in 30 minutes and it took me most of an afternoon, but still…

I had this great post planned which would have transformed your entire life in marvelous and transcendent ways, but the day got weird and busy in other directions today so I didn’t write it. Sorry. I’ll leave Sunday to mentioning that Magnus is fine. It looks like yesterday was just the worst old-dog day I’d seen him have. He didn’t move overnight for damned near 14 hours (I mean he didn’t move – I kept checking to see if he was still breathing) but for most of today he’s been pretty much back to normal.

Magnus had a bad night and a bad morning. He woke me up a few times wanting company, something he never does without what he considers a good reason, and it’s usually a reason I can at least detect even if I don’t agree with it. This time he just seemed to want reassurance. When I left the lair at around 6:30 the others bounded out as usual but he was really moving slow. I mean he’s usually the last to get moving, but he was really moving slow. I noticed that he was favoring his right front leg almost to the point of not being able to put weight on it at all, and that was completely new. Usually it’s his rear legs that need some time to wake up in the morning.

I couldn’t see anything wrong with the leg, and after working him back and forth for a bit he seemed to loosen up and feel better. Our morning walks are always a tonic for him, so once he was moving good we set off earlier than usual. Now I kinda wish we hadn’t. I wanted to know if S&L had come in last night, and with the weather so nice I wasn’t in a big hurry to get there. So we worked our way up the BLM road to the top of the big ridge, then around toward their property. I kept an eye on him, and though he was moving kind of slow he didn’t seem in any special difficulty. But when we got to S&L’s place and he was getting lovin’ from L, we noticed that the muscle on that front leg was trembling. I watered and rested him before we set out on the shortest way home, and once home he drank again and just collapsed. When I went down to check on the apricot tree he got up, but wouldn’t leave the ridge and that’s really unusual for him. He always naps after a walk, but right now he’s just inert. I’m kinda worried for him; he’s pretty old and has good days and not so good days, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen him like this.

In a nice ironic touch, the first thing S said when I showed up was, “Do you want a puppy?” Actually I’ve been thinking about maybe getting myself a puppy, so rather to their surprise I said so. It seems one of their friends has an Akita that mated with a German Shepherd and had a litter of 12. Three died, alas, but that leaves them with 9 mixed-breed pups to find homes for when they’re old enough. Shepherds I’m familiar with, of course: Akitas not so much. Reading about them this morning, though, it seems like a Shepherd/Akita mix might be a pretty good fit out here.

Prior to my sojourn with my landlady’s dogs I never seriously considered getting one for myself. I always used to joke that I liked other people’s dogs, because they’re nice to visit but needy to live with. But now I’m not sure I’d care to be without at least one, and this situation isn’t going to last forever. Plus, (tee hee) Ghost needs a puppy. So I’m severely tempted to look into it more seriously, but really don’t know if I should. Truth is, after living here alone with these three I’ve a feeling that I’d be really bereft if I found myself completely dog-less. They do kinda grow on you. And if it’s going to live out here with some measure of safety, it needs to be a pretty big dog who’s not afraid to show some aggression if it needs to. Shepherds fill that bill, and from what I read so do Akitas. And I’ve always found, though admittedly my direct experience is limited, that mutts are at least as smart and somewhat less quirky than pure-breds. So maybe I should, I don’t know. It’s a big step, a dog of my own. But I have had a pretty good education on the subject these past few years.

:-} I’m waffling, as you see.

Spent the day just puttering around today. There’ve been big, messy piles of scrap lumber laying around since I de-nailed that batch of 2X12s, and I hesitated to get rid of it because…well, it might come in handy, y’know? But I finally decided I was sick of looking at them, so I chopped them up and fed them to the burn barrel. Ended up with an astonishing coal bed I was half afraid was going to melt the barrel; it was hard to even go near it for a while. Washed some laundry, went for a couple of walks with the dogs, watered the trees.

Since it appears I’m gonna have to buy a bunch of round forms for concrete pilings under the cabin, I decided to see if the tail lights were working on the Jeep’s little trailer. Last I looked they weren’t, but then I discovered that the Jeep’s tail lights weren’t working either (yikes!) and after fixing those didn’t give the trailer any more thought. That was months ago, and for most of that time the trailer was filled with trash from various demolition and clean-up projects. And sure enough, when I checked them this afternoon they didn’t work. Neither of them. This suggested a general electrical problem, but when I checked for juice at one lamp it was fine; no light, but plenty of electricity. Checked the other one; same thing.

Turns out whoever built this trailer used the cheapest lamp housings I can imagine. There’s so much corrosion in there I can’t even get the bulbs out; it’s like they’re welded in place. So on my trip to town next week I need to visit the auto parts stores (2 in town) and hopefully one of them will stock replacement housings. No guarantees, of course: This is the same town that managed to completely run out of eggs one time.

Meet Michelle Owen. Concerned that an ex-boyfriend had used her laptop to search for child pornography, the Indiana woman asked police to search the computer for illegal images, but had her plan backfire when cops discovered two videos of her engaged in illicit acts with a dog.

Linky

That would be insanely bizarre behavior even if a dog hadn’t gotten involved. Normally when I hear about somebody getting busted for a victimless crime, I’m all sympathetic and stuff. In this case, I’m just comforted that sometimes stupidity really does bring its own reward. Because if anybody ever deserved a good swift kick in the karma, it’s this broad.

I’ve been in and out of the scriptorium today, doing little things around the ridge. Come back to an email from my friend J.D., linking to a video which I am required by GOD to share with you now.

Dunno how much is real and how much fake, and don’t care. If this doesn’t bring you a smile, you’re hopeless.

Embed code’s doing weird things, so here’s the link. Do check this out.

I never, NEVER thought those people were capable of surprising me with stupidity and hypocrisy. This is crazy, even for congressvermin.

Minority Leader John Boehner, R-Ohio, said the bill was “a political circus” diverting attention from why the administration hadn’t done more to block the bonuses before they were paid.

How’s this for a “why”, John? The bonuses were specifically allowed in the last bill you @#$%$! idiots passed, when you gave AIG the money in the first place! You grandstanding morons wanna shoot yourselves in the other foot now? Because I’ve got to tell you, moral outrage really just isn’t your thing.

Via Snowflakes in Hell, I see…well, something I didn’t expect to see.

Seems the topic is still considered radioactive after all, and the wording just shocks me.

Marvin “Popcorn” Sutton, world’s greatest and most incorrigible moonshiner, is dead.

He committed suicide to avoid incarceration in a south Georgia federal prison, after his fifth conviction on moonshining charges.

I don’t know much about him, but apparently his antics were legend:

John Rice Irwin, founder of the Museum of Appalachia in Norris, Tenn., recalled that Sutton made a still for the museum in the 1990s.

Irwin told Sutton to run nothing but water through it. But with thousands of people, including then-Gov. Don Sundquist, visiting for an annual homecoming event, Sutton decided to cook up some real sour mash and dispense it to the crowd in little paper cups.

“Popcorn is getting everybody drunk,” the governor’s Highway Patrol escorts complained and when Irwin told him to stop, Sutton packed up and left, Irwin recalled.

But he did take the time to say goodbye:

It’s the simple things that screw you up. The simple, obvious things that you saw right off, thought “I’ve got to find a way around this!” and then forgot all about until you’re just totally screwed because those were the first things you should have been dealing with.

Got the 2X12 timbers cut and spliced for the cabin’s footer forms, and this morning I went out to set the forms in place. The first form, of course, is the most important because I’m measuring every subsequent one from that, right? So I set the first post, put one nail in the 16′ form, then go to the other side, set the second post, and lift that end of the form to get it level. And lift. And lift.

And the sunuvabitch is right out of the frigging trench before the level says it’s right, because I haven’t given a single thought all winter that the ground I dug the trench in is no way level in the first place!

Stupid! You are so stupid!

I am totally back to square one. I can spend all summer trying to level the site with a pick and shovel, or I can go back to what I should have done in the first place and use round forms for pylons which is exactly what the experienced builders told me I should have been doing all along.

All that trenching. I think I may just move the cabin site, so I can leave the trench visible as a monument to my world-class stupidity. Maybe there’s a Guinness category for it, or something.

Yerg. It is just barely possible I can get away with filling in the trench on the low side. If I dig down to level on the high side, I’ll need more concrete than I could ever pour by myself or even afford to buy. I must consult the neighbors. Which means confessing my idiocy to flesh-and-blood people who will laugh. Hell, I would.

Drink. It is time for drink. Alas, I have no booze.

There was a big red tailed hawk hunting on the banks of the wash this morning while I was headed for the cabin site. Still there when I came back; wish I could have gotten some shots of him, but he was really low and slow and likely wouldn’t have been if I’d been afoot.

Though I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t feel the same way if I were a rat or a snake, I do believe hawks are my very favorite birds just for watching. They are so very beautiful in flight, in a very specialized way. Same reason I enjoy watching fighter planes, even though “projection of power” isn’t exactly my favorite concept. They do one thing, they do it very well, and they’re just incomparably beautiful in the process.

I was cooking up a mid-morning snack, and while thinking of something else entirely I was reminded of two incidents, which in context and contrast are completely ludicrous. Thought I’d share.

When I was a boy, I lusted after my very own Boy Scout pocketknife. I was never a boy scout, but I did admire the folding knife. I eventually wore my elders down, and was allowed to save my dimes and make the purchase. This privilege had a price: The Lecture. (Technically it wasn’t my father who gave me the lecture, because…well, actually I’m not sure my father ever knew I owned a knife. I’m not completely sure my father knew I owned shoes, but that’s irrelevant.) It was my oldest brother-in-law who gave me the lecture, and it went something to the effect of, “You can keep this as long as you don’t leave it where the smaller kids can get at it or do anything else stupid. First infraction, I take it away.” I solemnly promised, and that was that. It seemed to make sense.

Fast-forward many, many years. My daughter lusted after one of those Victorinox “Swiss army knives”, the ones with the red handle. It happened that I owned a good one, which I’d bought in China and carried for years but had recently retired in favor of a Leatherman. So I gifted it to her, and gave her the 21^st century version of The Lecture…

“Never ever EVER under ANY circumstances are you to forget yourself and take this to school, okay? Not in your purse, not in your pocket, not anywhere. Don’t tell me it’s stupid, because I know it’s stupid. Follow this decree anyway. First infraction, they throw your young ass out of school and probably arrest you to boot.” She solemnly promised, and that was that, though it made no sense at all.

Back during the presidential primary campaigns I had a bit of a debate (I don’t think it ever descended to the level of a dispute) with some friends concerning the efficacy of rooting for Ron Paul. Their position was that, warts and all, he was the very best of a bad breed. My position was that he was a member of that breed. Not all scorpions, it’s true, can kill you with their sting: Some just make you sick. Even so, I make it a point not to juggle scorpions at all. Hence my decision (not difficult, since it’s the same decision I make every election) to sit out the whole farce.

Now I see this news article, only two weeks old which is but yesterday according to my rather relaxed timeline:

WASHINGTON (AP) – Republican congressmen derided the massive $410 billion spending bill approved by the House of Representatives last week, but some like Houston-area Congressman Ron Paul contributed to its size.

Paul, of Lake Jackson, managed to insert 22 earmarks worth $96.1 million into the bill, leading the Houston delegation, according to an analysis of more than 8,500 congressionally-mandated projects in the bill by the Houston Chronicle.

The so-call “omnibus” bill passed the House on a 245-178 vote, with only 16 Republicans in support. It was chock-full of congressmen’s pet projects for their districts.

Second to Paul in the Houston delegation was Republican Congressman John Culberson, who tallied $63.6 million in earmarks.

Democrats were not far behind, with Congressman Al Green and Congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee adding $50.1 million and $37.6 million respectively.

Messages left today by The Associated Press at the offices of Paul, Green and Jackson Lee seeking comment were not immediately returned.

Only one Houston-area congressman – Republican Michael McCaul, of Austin – was earmark-free in the House bill.

No further comment is really required.

I’m supposed to be working now, but instead I slunk over to David Codrea’s War On Guns site and wish I hadn’t. It seems yet another isolated incident has occurred…

Can somebody parse this for me? Because I’m having a little trouble with the logic here…

“If I see three or four young black men walking down the street, I have to stop them and check their names,” said [Homer police chief] Mills, who is white. “I want them to be afraid every time they see the police that they might get arrested.

“We’re not out there trying to abuse and harass people — we’re trying to protect the law-abiding citizens locked behind their doors in fear.”

So…the only way to be safe from the cops in Homer Louisiana is to lock yourself behind your door in fear? Then they’ll protect you?

And apparently it’s okay to go ahead and shoot the old ones on sight. Hell, he was probably on welfare anyway, right? “If they would rather die, than they had better do so, and reduce the surplus population“, said Scrooge. Yeah, no doubt shooting them is kinder than letting them starve from being “no ‘count”.

Okay, damn it, now I’m in a foul mood.