I think the rest of the nation would take it as a kindness if Nevada, Arizona, and Oregon were to seize those California Department of Food and Agriculture border checkpoints and turn their guns the other way and start shaking cars down for signs of dangerous invasive species, like voter’s registration cards and real estate brochures.
Sometimes, not very often, people will ask me why I chose such an – inconvenient – place to put down my geriatric roots. I’ve got a standard answer taped: “Keeps the tourists away.”
Here’s a free story. Several years ago there was a county council-clearing kerfuffle during which the council tried to impose a very long list of things residents wouldn’t be allowed to do anymore on their own property. Things like keep livestock and live in ratty old RVs and shacks. When pressed for a reason why this list was a good idea, somebody on the council replied – and I swear I am not making this up, it was published in the local paper – “People come here from out of state looking for property, and they have certain expectations. This is the only way to bring everybody’s property values up.”
A lot of local residents don’t happen to own their property as monetary investments. They value it just fine already the way it is, thank you, specifically because out-of-staters don’t find it attractive. Some of them took this occasion to loudly say so.
The council can’t legally pass new rules without open meetings where residents get to, er, express an opinion. Normally this is a fairly sedate affair, but not in this case. Cellular networks are your friends, and groups of residents spontaneously re-invented the flash mob right there on the spot. One meeting after another was overwhelmed and cancelled, no matter how inconveniently located or timed. The council members – large property-owners all, who still hoped to sell at a profit if they could only get the riffraff to clean up its act – kept at it until people started showing up with guns and nooses.
If I’d heard the “guns and nooses” story from only one mob participant I’d have shrugged it off as hyperbole. But those items apparently became very popular for a brief time. It was probably only symbolic.
Eventually the council gave up, which was wise. But the best part was yet to come. These people weren’t exactly first-string politicians. As in any poor rural administrative body, seats on the council were virtually hereditary. Until then almost nobody gave a damn about the council or who sat on it, and so it was dominated by a few relatively wealthy families. And so, since they apparently forgot that there even were these things called “elections,” it apparently didn’t occur to them that one doesn’t do such disruptive things just before the peons get to exercise their worthless franchise. And so now there’s a whole new council, which doesn’t say such things anymore*.
So yeah. Sometimes, to keep the tourists out, you need to turn the guns around.
—
*The very best part of this took a couple of years to manifest itself. For as long as I’ve lived here and apparently for many years before that, residents of the tiny town nearest where I live, which happens to be the county seat, have complained about the amazingly poor quality of many local businesses. The council got veto power over whether ‘outside’ businesses would be licensed to open in this town, and it exercised that power with a fist of iron. It was quite open about its reasons for this – it was protecting local established businesses from competition. Those businesses were largely owned by council members or family of council members, virtually all of whom belong to the same church. No, I didn’t say they were Mormon. Anyway, the new council majority – which mostly didn’t happen to operate local businesses – did not agree with this long-standing policy. And so it gradually became possible to buy a sandwich or plate of Mexican food that didn’t taste like you’d scooped it off the floor of a chicken coop, and every single crappy pre-existing restaurant in town went out of business. And so did a number of other businesses that had never before thought it important to actually perform a service well. So the old council members not only went out of office, some of them were subsequently bankrupted.
A good man I used to work with passed away a few months ago. He wrote his own obituary and it included the line, “As far as he was concerned, terrorists and tourists were in the same boat, and hopefully it was sinking.”
“So the old council members not only went out of office, some of them were subsequently bankrupted.”
…and then they all froze in the dark. The End.
I love a happy ending, Uncle Joel! 🙂
Speaking as someone who recently moved out of California, I was specifically looking for the presence of livestock, RVs, and shacks. I consider their presence to be highly desirable, because it means that the government isn’t totally fascist yet.
Out-friggin’-standing. May I suggest the council adopt the motto “Derelinquat me gehennam solus” or “Discedite a me inferno solus” or, less-classily, ‘Leave me the hell alone.” That is if they haven’t already. If stick-on letters aren’t too expensive, that’s going on my back windshield (and I abhor bumper stickers on my vehicle, so you know it’s heartfelt).
Seeing that nickname reminds me of another thing which I look for as a sign of a desirable place to live: gigantic incredibly conspicuous metal towers with huge radio antennas on top in people’s yards (for ham radio operators).
@Ken Hagler: I’m neutral on the radio towers. Ham operators run the full political spectrum, with a bit of a tendency towards rules (not even commenting on why it took so long to dump the code requirement). I recall a reader who criticized the use of encryption in Net Assets: “Amateur radio operators don’t do encryption. It’s against the rules!” (Those who haven’t read the book might not appreciate just how silly that complaint was. It’s worse than it might appear.)
Grew up in Michigan, mostly Illinois, then went to Colorado, California coast, Nevada. The entire time in Cali I felt like I had landed on an alien planet. The most frightening aspect was their attitudes that they knew best and the entire country should follow; completely oblivious how much they are hated in the rest of the country where people with common sense live. Nevada seemed to hold it’s own against the influx, but it’s hard to find a majority of locals anymore.
What has happened to Colorado is heartbreaking.
~ naturegirl
Bear, I wasn’t talking about the presence or absence of ham operators per se. Places ruled by fascists like to ban them for the same reason they ban livestock, living out of RVs, putting cars up on cinderblocks, etc.–that’s why I consider seeing big obvious towers to be a good sign.
Ken, I stand corrected. In fact, that’s so obvious in retrospect that I’m a little embarrassed. I’ve talked to hams who griped about tower zoning rules (and had to do things like hide little, inefficient arrays in sheds or their attics).
Yeah, but I’ve met my share of hams and I know where you were coming from. Some of them are the worst of the worst when it comes to enforcing the laws concerning their piece of the spectrum. Those guys really love their privileges, and become zealous little barnies when they can catch unlicensed users in the act.
Truly a sweet story. Warms my heart. Thank you.
Re hams being all along the spectrum (ha! I made a double whatchacallit): I had a ham/medically retired airline pilot who knew me threaten to have my license yanked cuz he didn’t like the (true) things I said. OTOH, an Official Observer who didn’t know me sent me the nicest postcard regarding a violation I kinda-sorta not innocently did. I contacted him and we had such a pleasant chat about rules an’ being gentlemen n’ stuff that I didn’t mind getting caught. Takes all kinds. And yes, I’d rather live where there aren’t antenna restrictions and covenants n’ stuff.
sniff – sniff I always get teary at Happy Endings.
Now comes the hard part. Keeping the new “Commissioners” from getting the swell head themselves.
“Power Corrupts etc etc etc.”
True.
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