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They say that Louis XIV had the inscription Ultima Ratio Regum cast into all the cannon of the French Army. It means “The Ultimate Argument of Kings,” and that always struck me as one of the most honest and up-front things any ruler or would-be ruler ever said. “We can dress it up prettier than this, but when it comes down to the unvarnished truth this is what it’s about: You’ll do as I say or I’ll send my goons to kill you.”
I thought about that for a long time. If there’s an ultimate argument, it seems only logical that there must be an ultimate answer. For years I thought the ultimate answer must be the bullets in my rifle, but it never seemed quite right. I’ve got bullets – he’s got frigging Cannon Balls. I mean, if there were three hundred million rifles throwing bullets at him, then maybe. But we all know that’s not going to happen. So if there’s an ultimate answer to his ultimate argument, it sure as hell ain’t bullets.
It finally came to me – and that’s when I abandoned the city and most of my stuff, and gave all that was behind me a good stiff Randian Shrug.
The ultimate answer to kings is not a bullet, but a belly laugh.
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Laddie the Amazing Torso Boy 2011-2020
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Author Archives: Joel
Lights on at 9 AM…
I love it when Landlady comes up for a weekend, I really do. But I swear there’s something to the old joke that foul weather always comes with her. It’s not literally true in that it doesn’t always happen. But … Continue reading
I remember when “thought leaders” could whip me into this sort of irrational frenzy.
I think I was about 15 the last time I let it happen, but that could just be my memory being self-serving… Anyway. Stop Making Me Defend Trump. Stop. But speaking of Trump Derangement Syndrome: Behold! Proof positive at last … Continue reading
Here’s something your car can’t do…
Decided to go out to brush-cutting without Laddie this morning, which meant I could do something I’ve wanted to try for some time… I’ve got a gig trimming roadside brush, which means I’m in and out of the Jeep many … Continue reading
My new roomy gets upset when I oversleep…
Not a very good night. I fell asleep early, then woke a little after midnight. Laddie barely looked up until I reached over him for my crutches and opened the bedroom door, which slides past just behind his bed. (Note … Continue reading
LB’s grave marker update…
I should add, “If it weren’t for bad luck I’d have no luck at all” edition… Good morning, Hope all is well, just wanted to give you an update. I apologize for the delay with Little bear’s stone. Our shipment … Continue reading
Sounds legit…
Somebody’s really phoning my spam in lately… Hi, We can promote your website to get it on the first page of Google search results giving you an increase in the number of leads and sales you are getting from your … Continue reading
Love it when a plan comes together.
Two and a half hours, almost the first thing in the morning… And I have well more than three heaping wheelbarrows’ worth of stove-ready firewood. After I laboriously got these 5X5 timbers de-nailed and cut to length, I even got … Continue reading
There’s always a catch.
It’s the things you don’t know you don’t know that get you. You can plan for the things you know, but (okay, I won’t say you. I) tend to make comforting assumptions about the things I don’t know. Forgive if … Continue reading
Bump cap review
Laddie and I got an earlyish start this morning, out cutting brush on the road shoulders again. We took a little side trip to check out an anomaly in the wash far downstream from my stomping ground – it seems … Continue reading
Things my mother never told me about off-grid life…
Water bottles aren’t forever, even if you don’t damage them. A few years ago I purchased 3 3-gallon water bottles at a now-defunct Kmart in the big town about 50 miles away. One got a small leak last winter, the … Continue reading
Trump, NRA board shoot up Jacksonville video game event!
I base that conclusion on the first headline I saw this morning, while waiting for the first cuppa coffee… Celebs Erupt At NRA, Trump After Jacksonville Shooting: ‘Gun-Humping Death Fetishists’ For the record, I believe it is wrong for fatcats … Continue reading
Not bad for a bunch of used-up hens…
Eleven eggs from nine hens that already have a tentative appointment with the hatchet? Yeah, okay, it’s a cheat. I collected eggs really early Saturday because I was afraid the wash would run, and then really late yesterday because I … Continue reading
Where did all the wildlife go?
I’ve had a terrible time getting any results from the game camera. I guess everything has headed for high country for the summer, but hell – not even the rabbits want their picture taken lately. Finally decided to take advantage … Continue reading
Oh, for heaven’s sake…
Hit the blog this morning determined to catch up on posting early, only to find the server was down again. It’s baking day so I just got back to the ‘pooter to find I can finally log on. Just starting … Continue reading
Must be feeding the server squirrels
A whole 160 page views at ten ayem, on account of how nobody could connect. Happens sometimes on Saturday, and prior experience suggests it might not be over. Ah, well. There’s nothing going on here worth writing about in any … Continue reading
There’s a quote from Neal Stephenson’s Cryptonomicon I’ve always enjoyed…
“Ask a Soviet engineer to design a pair of shoes and he’ll come up with something that looks like the boxes that the shoes came in; ask him to make something that will massacre Germans, and he turns into Thomas … Continue reading
Laddie earns his first swat…
So every day for the past week I’ve been trekking to Ian’s Cave three times a day, usually with Laddie in tow. There, first in a box in the shower stall and then in the shower stall, we’re raising the … Continue reading
Mendacious (adj) : See Elizabeth Warren
You know, I’d bet if I searched the platform of any of the other politicians I keep on my “despised” list I could find at least one item with which I didn’t completely, absolutely disagree. No examples come to mind … Continue reading
What the hell kind of weather is “drizzle?”
Say what you will about the weather in the high desert, it isn’t usually namby-pamby. If it isn’t absolutely beautiful in every measurable way it’s trying to kill you. Yesterday dawned cloudy, which was not good news because I managed … Continue reading









































