Author Archives: Joel

About Joel

You shouldn't ask these questions of a paranoid recluse, you know.

Private to Bullsnakes…

Please, please stop sunning yourselves in the middle of the road. Seriously. I’ve killed at least three over the years, and have gone to reckless lengths to avoid killing others. Today I met one on a steep slope… …so steep … Continue reading

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Look at these idiots.

The thing about this photo I find hilarious is that they’re all so pleased with themselves. As if they not only wish you to believe they’ve done something good, something forward-marching, for the children, vanguard of hope and change and … Continue reading

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Bread Flour, Revisited

Baking day today. Back in June I wrote a couple of posts about some bread flour somebody gave me, that had very bad results. In the comment thread of one of those posts somebody suggested King Arthur brand bread flour, … Continue reading

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Alas, Plan B

My Plan B inverter, which I have nurtured and kept safe and dry for years, overheated and failed within two hours. 🙁 My yard is starting to look like Cape Kennedy. Fortunately there’s Plan C, which is more of a … Continue reading

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Finally got struck by lightning…

It’s one of the terrors of the high desert, and one of the reasons I wanted to build down in the hollow. Neighbors J&H and D&L, having built on ridgetops, have each been struck several times, and each have spent … Continue reading

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No wonder smart people are afraid of AI…

Here are the titles of two study reports I did not make up: “Escaping from Children’s Abuse of Social Robots,” and “Why Do Children Abuse Robots?” Prediction: In the future, autonomous robots will hate and fear human children. Fortunately the … Continue reading

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Gah. I’m almost wishing for the return of Monsoon.

The radio talks of a high-pressure center keeping things dry, which in August means it got hot. And relatively dry. I don’t mind the heat, really, I do live in a desert. But oh how I miss the evening breeze … Continue reading

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I have thoroughly investigated myself, and the report clears me of all wrongdoing.

Yes, there is a pit filled with the bones of roasted children, but it’s been there for years. There are reports of a convention of Planned Parenthood officials held in the area some time ago. And that busload of cheerleaders … Continue reading

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Cops and Bureaucrats in the Gulch…

Boy, this has been my week for close brushes with officialdom. Yesterday afternoon I got a phone call from Neighbor D: “Hey, Joel, do you know how long Ian’s place is? Because there’s a tax assessor who wants to go … Continue reading

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I suppose the good news is that they’ve stopped calling it a beauty contest…

Ew… The gross thing is, you can kind of imagine a Trump sex tape: the gilt pineapples on the four-poster bed, the scarlet silk-jacquard sheets, the glowing “T” in the background, the self-assured promises that this will be the classiest … Continue reading

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Leave teaching – and policing – to the profesionalls

Also, let’s see if this isn’t the funniest thing you read all day… “All police personnel present had a reasonable expectation that their conversations were no longer being recorded and the undercover officers, feeling that they were safe to do … Continue reading

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I don’t care what Zimbabweans say. I still cry when that gay guy sings “Circle of Life.*”

Is Twitter still going nuts over that lion? I heard on the radio this morning that the dentist is still in hiding. Maybe he should move to Zimbabwe… When I turned on the news and discovered that the messages were … Continue reading

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Metaphor. Extended Metaphor: The Hobbit is really about the 2016 presidential campaign.

I watched the first installment of The Hobbit a couple of years ago and found it really long, slow and bloated. That’s pretty much the only thing about it I recall, and I’ve made no effort to see the other … Continue reading

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First-World Problems in the Gulch

I have a little problem. It’s growing, though. Garbage I can burn, I burn. Garbage I can compost, I compost. Garbage I can’t do either thing to, piles up. Once upon a time I had a neighbor with a Dumpster, … Continue reading

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Yes, yes, I know. Four rules. Sure.

Hey, this was National Lampoon. They didn’t know from Four Rules. The gun was probably loaded. I refer, of course, to the best magazine cover photo ever, er, shot… January 1973. Saw it on a rack and laughed right out … Continue reading

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“If it saves just one life…”

…it’s worth destroying any number of already-stressed industries, I suppose. Because one day not long ago, an idealistic, concerned New York legislator rose, stretched, gazed out his window past his armed guards and then – no doubt in a blinding … Continue reading

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The most expensive isn’t always the best.

Sorry, I’ve really got nothing to write about today. In fact I just may go upstairs and take a little nappy right after I finish this. I did go to town this morning, for drinking water and a few groceries. … Continue reading

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Babies are settling in…

All day yesterday only one pullet came downstairs, all the others preferred to hide in the dark, hungry and thirsty. Then right after dinnertime one other decided she’d had enough of that. By first light they were all down in … Continue reading

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So now they can get that dentist for a hate crime, I guess…

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Moving Day

This seemed as good a time as any to move the pullets closer to their permanent home. They’re all feathered out now, and shouldn’t need constant heat…I hope. Still making this up as I go along, but it worked well … Continue reading

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