Author Archives: Joel

I’ve been waiting for it. All season a herd of young steers has been pasturing up near the county road, slowly working its way in our direction. Once a couple of pioneers made it as far as the Lair’s yard, … Continue reading →

Yesterday I enjoyed a long, lingering hot shower, the first I’ve had in quite literally years. I was looking forward to doing it again today – in fact I was thinking of bringing booze and making a sybaritic afternoon of … Continue reading →

…the hot shower. And Ian’s got one up and running in his cave. Heaven. And just in time, too, because summer has finally arrived in all its glory. Anybody spying on the Gulch from a high-flying drone got an eyeful … Continue reading →

Selma has been living in Landlady’s portable coop, which Ian helped me move into the Fortress of Attitude. It’s a two-story affair, with a little “yard” on the bottom and a coop with nesting box above. It’s also – well, … Continue reading →

And for the same reason that one guy did. Bill Long is the only member of the town board who voted against the “Family Protection Order”, and he only opposed it because he’s against passing unnecessary laws of any kind… … Continue reading →

…It’s either heartburn or I’ve fallen into an E. A. Poe story. If you hear demented shrieks coming from the high desert, it might be that last one.

It’s seven AM on Thursday morning. I’ve finished my breakfast of fresh-laid eggs on toasted fresh-baked bread, not that I’m gloating, and am surfing on the ‘pooter while finishing off the last of my pot of (fresh-ground) coffee. Out my … Continue reading →

“The day after I can get to town for some fresh veggies,” I said, “Smithers is getting invited to dinner.” I’m back. And Smithers is NPO* for his headectomy, scheduled for sometime tomorrow noonish. For the past day or so … Continue reading →

Why am I not surprised that entire police departments can be suckered in by mall ninja “gear?” “Dig my balaclava? It’s tactical. $4.99 at Wal-mart, but it looks just like the real thing, I think. No I need to wear … Continue reading →

When I was a boy, I wanted to be Ernest Hemingway when I grew up. Oh, how I wanted to write fiction. I took two typing courses in public school, classes that were normally taken only by girls headed for … Continue reading →

Ian had just enough 1X12 left from his bookshelves to replace that too-shallow ammo shelf, so I ripped it to 10″, radiused one corner so I wouldn’t bang my shoulder on it going up the loft ladder, and screwed it … Continue reading →

Yesterday evening Ian and I were sitting in his mancave sipping excellent rye and discussing a possible future project. And I’m not going to say anything about that because it’s his, but in the course of the increasingly drunken conversation … Continue reading →

First off: TUAK Management has informed me that we need a name change here. Since it’s now sorta-kinda underground, henceforth it’ll be known as Ian’s Cave.

There’s a scene in Game of Thrones where Theon Grayjoy, trapped in Winterfell, is being slowly driven mad by a guy outside the walls blowing a war horn. It’s been going on for days. “I’m going to kill that man … Continue reading →

Unfortunately, it’s time for Uncle Joel to get a new phone. I’ve been carrying this one for about five years… …and it has worked out fine, mostly. It’s the only camera phone I ever had and that feature doesn’t work … Continue reading →

The “post every day” rule sometimes finds me in a frantic search for something in the news I can mock. To the extent that anything like an editorial policy for TUAK ever evolved, it is that I don’t really care … Continue reading →

So I’m over at J&H’s for Friday shit-shoveling. H and L have Avalon and Belle saddled up, and H is warming Avalon up in the round pen. I’ve finished cleaning Avalon’s corral. Avalon is on a grass diet and produces … Continue reading →

Got an email from my daughter, who’s anticipating eye surgery… Sooo, my surgery date is getting closer and closer, and I’m kinda’ scared shitless. I was wondering if you’d tell me a little about your experience since it’s almost the … Continue reading →

(In case you’ve missed the pattern in the chicken-naming protocols around here, Landlady’s a Simpsons fan. I mostly go for old movies.) Anyway. Smithers. A fine figure of a cock chicken, isn’t he? Or he would be if he were … Continue reading →