Author Archives: Joel

About Joel

You shouldn't ask these questions of a paranoid recluse, you know.

Body disposal in the boonies

Every now and then I find myself with a need to dispose of a large dead chicken. I don’t crave meat quite enough to eat road kill, and in the case of Patty, well, that was one sick bird. I … Continue reading

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Make it stop.

I realize – in fact the reminder just made my brain leak out through my ears – that I’m not in the target demographic for this series. But seriously, Noir Sponsored By Mossberg is enough to make me hate gun … Continue reading

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Night Three of the Pack Rat War: Collateral Damage

In war council with Neighbor L, I was advised to run a length of pipe down a place where Bre’er Pack Rat is known to go, then set the trap in the pipe. “They can’t resist going through pipes.” I … Continue reading

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Woot! Check it out!

For over a week I’ve heard stories of a large, very heavy box waiting at my mail drop. Today Ian returned from his travels, lugging along said box. Canned meat! Roughly a lifetime’s supply of tuna, plus chicken in broth … Continue reading

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Thank you, Rambo…

Don’t get me wrong. Philosophically, I don’t disagree with the spirit of this at all. The abilities to load, rack/cock/charge, point, and shoot a weapon do not comprise firearm competence. Weapon competence means you must acquire your weapon, bring it … Continue reading

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Ixnay on the “idowmaker-way”

Okay, I laughed out loud but maybe you need a particular background to find this funny. A Powerpoint presentation included in the company’s consent agreement with NHTSA unveiled Friday shows the nation’s largest automaker told engineers to avoid terms both … Continue reading

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Well played.

I admire your self-control. But this is not over. I washed the trap, replaced the bait, and got nothing but a bigger pile of debris right next to the trap. But this is not over.

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Poor Little Bear, episode #many

He’s really about had it with this whole shedding thing. Or at least with Daddy’s reaction to it. It’s a breezy afternoon, just made for blowing away the enormous clumps of undercoat I keep raking out of him. Without that, … Continue reading

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I need a woman to come cut my firewood, because chainsaws are sexist.

Brad said it, I believe it, that settles it. It cannot be denied that women are being excluded from chainsaw ownership. I have little doubt that, should a woman appear at Home Depot and request to buy a chainsaw, she … Continue reading

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I will not be outsmarted by a rat.

So a few weeks ago I got tired of the packrat that turned the nice neat stacks in my woodshed into a big pile of wood. I set the T-rex and killed it in a single night. Then I cleaned … Continue reading

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From back when drug abuse was still fun…

Jay reminds me of one of my all-time favorite silly songs – which is also probably my all-time favorite rock song. Don’t ask me how I know, but it is vitally important to never listen to this while operating a … Continue reading

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I’m thinking about a regular new TUAK feature I’d call…

This is done partly as a public service, since the hashtag thing is one of the more inane fads known to man and history has shown us that if Joel is getting on board with a fad it’s a sure … Continue reading

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Anybody watch Sons of Guns?

If it isn’t already too late, be sure to watch tonight.

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Hey, it’s a living.

“Time to go for ride in Jeep?” Pretty soon it’ll be too hot for them to stay in the Jeep, and they’ll act all betrayed. It’s a job. Jobs have customers… …and a workspace. Fresh air! er, well…somewhat fresh. Home … Continue reading

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More of this, please.

“I can’t go to the grocery store without being recognized, pointed at, laughed at,” said Dooley. “Can’t pay my water bill without hearing my name, saying ‘There’s the sorry cop that killed the dog.’” Poor baby. How many years has … Continue reading

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Okay, so it turns out this is a thing.

Muzzily wishing the coffee would hurry the hell up I’m doing my morning surf, right, when I come on this appalling and … perplexing picture. And I’m all “what the hell is that supposed to be about” but there’s no … Continue reading

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I know a business opportunity when I see one…

It seems that American universities have become so batshit burn-the-heretic crazy on the subject of political correctness that it is now virtually impossible to book speakers who won’t be picketed and banned before the speech ever takes place. Since the … Continue reading

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Holy crap look at this…

As far as I can tell it’s edited together from 3 different security cameras. I’ve seen cats attack dogs, and heard stories about other cats attacking dogs. They’ll do it to protect territory, or food, or just because they hate … Continue reading

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Well. I guess this is more of that “conversation” they wanted to have.

(This got very long. Sorry. It could have been much longer.) Really, why would we ever doubt their good will? He thought the NRA was a harmless gun trade/lobby outfit, and didn’t seem to realize that it was much more … Continue reading

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There goes another one. Thank heaven.

There are some things in your life that are such constants, for good or ill, that when they finally fall away you simply must take note of the fact. I’m from Detroit originally. In fact I lived in the Detroit … Continue reading

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