Author Archives: Joel

About Joel

You shouldn't ask these questions of a paranoid recluse, you know.

Let it be known that on this date, 1 November 2012…

…Zoe the Kitten caught her first mouse. She can’t claim a kill, though. The matter was botched, of course, and not just by Zoe. She brought it inside, pretty clearly only interested in playing with it. Click was crashed on … Continue reading

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I only want to say…

Some days blogging is hard. In the interest of getting some actual work done today, I’m giving up on the “blogging” thing for the morning and just clearing some tabs. * Disney buying LucasFilms and hoping to revive the Star … Continue reading

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We don’t do much Halloween here at the Secret Lair, but…

ML’s got a point. Here’s the perfect costume for Zoe… if you can get close enough to put it on her. She’d probably let me put the wings on her, though she’d need about six picoseconds to shred them. The … Continue reading

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I feel your pain, kid.

Really. I do. Stolen from here.

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Speaking of Jeeps…

Oops. Yes there are places a Jeep won’t take you – at least not by the chosen route. Sent by alert reader TC.

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Career days weren’t like this when I was a kid.

When I was a kid you showed up, same as always, and cringed through a couple of lame presentations from other kids’ dads who wanted to tell you all about what they did for a living. Like you cared. Here … Continue reading

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Ian’s new Willys has a little problem.

…It’s compensating for its small penis. A milestone! What was once a pile several piles of parts is now a genuine ’46 Jeep that confidently starts and stops and goes forward and back. Naturally, this being Ian, the next step … Continue reading

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And if you want to make Little Bear all butthurt…

…just let him catch you giving a bowl of old cornbread to the chickens. “That’s MINE!” Hee. When you start laying eggs, kid, you’ll get first dibs on the “special” food.

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When I was a little boy…

…I lived in southern Florida. And every year there were hurricanes. Sometimes we just caught an edge, and once or twice I went outside and stood (timorously, as I recall) in the eye of the storm. It could be scary. … Continue reading

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I got to wondering this morning…

This is really cynical, and will sound all unfeeling and stuff but… Is the Obama campaign cursing the storm because a soggy dependent class might stay away from the polls? Or is it begging the gods to wipe a major … Continue reading

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Yeah, I got this “country living” thing down.

Hey, everybody else blogs about what they had for breakfast when they’re stuck for content. So what if the chickens are boarders from the city? They still extrude fresh eggs. Fresh eggs. Freshly-baked bread. Put them all together, they spell … Continue reading

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Rapprochement

Rapprochement: establishment of or state of having cordial relations Look, kid. It’s not that I want you dead, necessarily. Not dead, per se. I just don’t want you doing your Jackie Chan routine on me when I’m trying to nap. … Continue reading

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Water’s back

I got better than I deserved. Temp’s up around sixty and there’s lots of sun, so around noon-thirty the yard spigot started to gurgle and emit irregular spurts of vile, rust-colored gelatinous liquid. I let it run into the gully’s … Continue reading

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Three chicken-related things we’ve learned today…

1. Nothing I do can keep Zoe out of the current chicken yard. 2. The chickens are smart enough to run into their coop when Zoe enters. 3. The chickens are too stupid to realize that any one of them … Continue reading

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“I do [go full redneck.] If I have to.”

Almost a week, and the chickens were still cooped up in their little – coop. Reason being, I wanted to roof over their yard with chicken wire before letting them out. “Chickens can fly, you know.” That was Ian’s parting … Continue reading

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Grumble…

It did the same thing last year. It did it three weeks later, but the same thing. There’s this fitting down where we planted Ian’s trees. It’s the very lowest point in the water system. Last year, at the very … Continue reading

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C-c-c-cold…

Should have lit a fire last night I guess, then maybe it wouldn’t be so freezy in here. 24 blessed degrees outside, and I am not gladdened by the knowledge that it could – and inevitably will – get worse. … Continue reading

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Where do they find these women?

Maybe I’m a little old-fashioned, but… Being a father myself, this other clip would have come to mind had that been a different face on that video…

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Ich bin die 40%!

Somebody finally came out and said it. Daniel Gross,current sacrificial lamb president of the Brady Bunch, actually said the words. That is because of the 40 percent. Sometimes you will hear this problem referred to as the “gun show loophole.” … Continue reading

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On waiting for your daughter to come home…

Zoe’s outside. Everybody else is indoors and all tucked in for the night. Last I saw her, she was staying right up against the cabin. Somebody suggested I might be getting attached to her. Heh. Ridiculous. She’ll probably be fine. … Continue reading

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