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They say that Louis XIV had the inscription Ultima Ratio Regum cast into all the cannon of the French Army. It means “The Ultimate Argument of Kings,” and that always struck me as one of the most honest and up-front things any ruler or would-be ruler ever said. “We can dress it up prettier than this, but when it comes down to the unvarnished truth this is what it’s about: You’ll do as I say or I’ll send my goons to kill you.”
I thought about that for a long time. If there’s an ultimate argument, it seems only logical that there must be an ultimate answer. For years I thought the ultimate answer must be the bullets in my rifle, but it never seemed quite right. I’ve got bullets – he’s got frigging Cannon Balls. I mean, if there were three hundred million rifles throwing bullets at him, then maybe. But we all know that’s not going to happen. So if there’s an ultimate answer to his ultimate argument, it sure as hell ain’t bullets.
It finally came to me – and that’s when I abandoned the city and most of my stuff, and gave all that was behind me a good stiff Randian Shrug.
The ultimate answer to kings is not a bullet, but a belly laugh.
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Author Archives: Joel
The One True Path
I’ve been spending more of my ‘pooter time surfing previously unfamiliar “survival” and “prepper” forums. They come in various flavors – some concentrate on where to buy the best camo backpacks and wind-up radios, some on guns, some on (what … Continue reading
For Many, Many Years, Boys and Girls, …
… I have loved me some Dave Barry. His Year in Review columns have become a classic feature of his approximately 1,473-year-long record of being consistently hilarious. Abroad, Fidel Castro steps down after 49 years as president of Cuba, explaining … Continue reading
Agua!
I had thought that the reason my lair has no running water since the Big Freeze was because of a patch of pipe I foolishly left unburied, after digging it up a few months ago for a new junction. Laziness, … Continue reading
Hail, Knight of Disgusting Practices…
Okay, so I get up from my ‘pooter, where I had just posted an entry rhapsodizing on the wonders of dog companionship. I go outside to take care of some chores, made possible by slowly rising temperatures. I may have … Continue reading
Peace is a pack of dogs…
Peace is a pack of dogs asleep together in your home. I look upon these half-wild beasts, entrusted to my care by their owner, and I wonder at their love and trust. Each such a unique individual, each capable of … Continue reading
The Only Gun Shop in Detroit…
… and in my old neighborhood, to boot! I was blog-crawling this morning, after going for a nice walk with the dogs, and came on this piece. Interesting. I haven’t been back there in over 25 years, and that time … Continue reading
A Gun Column Recommendation
David Codrea, of War on Guns blogging fame, has a regular column called the Cleveland Gun Rights Examiner, which I understand is about to go nationwide. The second link takes you to the current column; scroll down for older ones. … Continue reading
Small Towns and Junk Food
Okay, so I finally got the trip into town that I’ve been promising myself for two weeks. Well, a piece of it anyway. I still have some business that can only be finished in the bigger town about 70 miles … Continue reading
Excuse Me While I Rant
I recently encountered a commenter who, seeing a reference to a child-support-related lawsuit in an earlier post and knowing nothing whatever about me or any of the circumstances or even whether the charge is true, accused me of child abandonment. … Continue reading
Microclimates
Neighbors have often remarked that we’ve sure got’em, and I can attest that it’s true. Yesterday I woke to below-zero temperatures, that never got above freezing all day. Meanwhile my weekender neighbors have all their grandkids with them, and the … Continue reading
I’m Dreaming of a White…
Day after Christmas. Ah, well. Never paid much attention to Christmas, anyway. It started snowing around a quarter to eight this morning, and basically never stopped. We’ve had dustings, maybe an inch or two, and it always melted off without … Continue reading
Christmas Get-Together in the Boondocks
So I was invited to meet some neighbors this afternoon and pop a few caps. D&L would be there, and J&H, and maybe a couple of others. We met at J&H’s hacienda, then convoyed a few hundred yards to the … Continue reading
Snacky Time
The boys’ original owner had a tradition, which they hold in complete approval. First: Nobody gets locked in Gitmo without getting a treat. Second: Sundown is Snacky Time! Currently “Snackies” consists of one can of dog food, shared between the … Continue reading
Stir Crazy
Not a very good day, I’m afraid. I had things I needed to do, and didn’t feel like doing any of them. Snow this morning, then the sky cleared and it’s been mostly sunny but cold and windy. I picked … Continue reading
Another Wintry Day
Took the boys for a nice walk through the wash this morning, while the weather couldn’t make up its mind what it wanted to do. And as has happened a few times over the past couple of weeks, it’s a … Continue reading
Remarkable Quote…
…From a remarkable article. I was reminded of this today, and re-read it with the same appreciation. This ol’ fellow gets it. Never despair. Keep the faith. Despite Big Brother’s awesome and growing power, in the still, dark and secret … Continue reading
Neighbors in the Boonies
I’ve mentioned that I have good relationships with three of the five sets of neighbors who live within walking distance. One of those three has been kind of problematic for me, I admit. Not his fault, he’s a helluva nice … Continue reading
I wish to congratulate…
…Our selfless public servants in the United States Congress for so heroically standing athwart the tides of mere opinion and economic chaos (which they caused, and then made so catastrophically worse) by Upholding The Law in not voting down their … Continue reading
A little more on freedom lit
A friend said elsewhere, IMO, the best lib-fic book I’ve read is Cryptonomicon, by Neal Stephenson. And I hadn’t even thought about that one. Cryptonomicon, in case you haven’t read it, is another massive tome but an absolute delight. Subversive … Continue reading
“Can we bring you anything?”
I was sitting in the lair this morning, moodily watching snow swirl outside my window while even the dogs crossed their legs and refused to go outside, when my cell phone rang. A neighbor a few miles away said, “We’re … Continue reading









































