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They say that Louis XIV had the inscription Ultima Ratio Regum cast into all the cannon of the French Army. It means “The Ultimate Argument of Kings,” and that always struck me as one of the most honest and up-front things any ruler or would-be ruler ever said. “We can dress it up prettier than this, but when it comes down to the unvarnished truth this is what it’s about: You’ll do as I say or I’ll send my goons to kill you.”
I thought about that for a long time. If there’s an ultimate argument, it seems only logical that there must be an ultimate answer. For years I thought the ultimate answer must be the bullets in my rifle, but it never seemed quite right. I’ve got bullets – he’s got frigging Cannon Balls. I mean, if there were three hundred million rifles throwing bullets at him, then maybe. But we all know that’s not going to happen. So if there’s an ultimate answer to his ultimate argument, it sure as hell ain’t bullets.
It finally came to me – and that’s when I abandoned the city and most of my stuff, and gave all that was behind me a good stiff Randian Shrug.
The ultimate answer to kings is not a bullet, but a belly laugh.
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Author Archives: Joel
First paintbrush I ever honestly wore out!
At the cost of a truly aching back I finished a first coat on all the front-facing new lumber – which if that sounds like it’s weasel-worded, it is: I have to pull the balusters to properly paint the pre-existing … Continue reading
Unexpected care package day!
Landlady came up last night, and the only package I expected from her was some Britta filters. Instead I got two food packages and somebody hit my wish list pretty hard. These were sent to me by someone who only … Continue reading
And now we start painting.
I’ve put this off since coming back from the city, waiting for the mood to strike. Since that’s taking its sweet time happening, it’s time to just get on with it. I’ve got other things to do.
Horrors! Forcing a man to wash his own laundry!
Actually I’d forgotten how much I kind of enjoy doing this. It’s relaxing. Not that I’m planning to start refusing the use of Neighbor L’s washing machine. 😉 But S&L are out of state and I’m using up stump socks. … Continue reading
It works! But you need a really big gauge.
Okay: I need to repair or replace my toilet valve – again. And maybe the style where the float wraps around the stem isn’t such a good choice. I left the thing alone for the better part of a month … Continue reading
Breaking my last solar power taboo…
Really longtime readers know that the original solar power system at the Secret Lair was a comically inadequate mishmash of scrounged worn-out parts which barely worked on bright sunny days. Evenings, I read by carefully rationed lamplight and most mornings … Continue reading
Well. That escalated a little out of control…
It’s supposed to be hot today and I did not have a good day for work yesterday. Up half the night with my nose running, same thing all through morning chores so I took an antihistamine and spent most of … Continue reading
Looking for the little dog…
Okay – between you and me, at this point it’s more like looking without a lot of hope for a recognizable scrap or two of the dog just to give some nice folks a little closure. It has been my … Continue reading
(sigh) I chickened out.
I was supposed to take the Jeep to the shop in town this morning. That means a) going to the hassle and stress of illegally driving into town, and b) going without the Jeep for at least a week. It’s … Continue reading
Please don’t let your dog run loose in the wilderness.
A wordy cautionary tale which turned into a wall of words: Please bear with me. For the benefit of anyone not a regular to this blog: My name is Joel, and I’m a desert hermit. I don’t live in a … Continue reading
You never know what’s going to be useful.
The weeds were getting thick before I left and during the nearly a month I was gone they made a play at taking over. I’ve been hoeing and pulling off and on since I got back. And there’s this one … Continue reading
Battery Day, and time to clean the cables.
I have wondered for years what’s going on with Landlady’s batteries – and it’s been two completely different sets of batteries. Topped off her electrolyte today, only a few days late. I need to bring a brush and wash the … Continue reading
Private to anyone who recently purchased the Solar Power ebook…
A number of people have recently reported difficulty getting the link to work. I don’t yet know what the problem is and I don’t want a dozen people out there thinking I’m a welcher. I acknowledge every purchase I hear … Continue reading
Get it while it’s cool…
Finished the east gully’s drainage ditch this morning before seven… Could have finished it yesterday, I was within two wheelbarrow-loads of doneness. But it’s hard work in the hot sun, not that urgent, and there’s no reason to blow blood … Continue reading
I love the future!
I am aware that in my capacity as a Paranoid Desert Recluse I am supposed to hate all things technological and especially all things connected. And I do fall in line with some of that: I truly don’t understand why … Continue reading
But what would I do for fun?
Some lady wants me shut down and prosecuted! I’m honored! Bring it on, screechy voice lady! In fact, though I’ve never threatened anybody, I do make fun of congressvermin as amusingly as I can within the limits of my poor … Continue reading
Good start to the day…
We’re obviously scraping the forward edge of Monsoon here, with warm muggy mornings and stormy afternoons. Yesterday the storm held off until almost five but when it came it brought some actual rain as opposed to thunderous ovations for a … Continue reading
Have you ever been stuck away from home…
…and found yourself obsessing about some extremely minor chore you probably wouldn’t even do if you were there? For me, last month that was sharpening my splitting axe. I can think of almost anything better to do than file an … Continue reading
Time to start thinking about the Secret Lair’s floor…
Three years ago I finally got around to tiling the main cabin’s floor, after years of procrastination. My choice of materials turned out to be a big mistake… I had talked myself into believing that the floor would be rigid … Continue reading
“You are the worst.”
It’s 6:30 in the morning and I’m trying to work up the want-to to take the Jeep over to Landlady’s place for chicken chores. I’d really rather walk but it’s Monday morning, pre-monsoon, I have to go to town on … Continue reading









































