These people are making me sick today.

It’s inescapable. The repubs are melting down, going through all the Kübler-Ross stages simultaneously and wondering how on earth they ended up here. And the conclusion, everything having been said is, “The odious guy with the orange comb-over is our guy. Let’s all pretend we’re happy to be voting for him.”

Really? If somehow you ended up with Benito Mussolini as your candidate – which the republicans have – you’ll go ahead and vote for him anyway because the other guys are running Madam Ceausescu and so your guy is the lesser evil?

Does principle ever kick in with these people? They keep telling me what principled conservatives they are. But now they’re thrust into a situation where there is no lesser evil, there’s only evil. A principled person would dish up a big steaming bowl of
cartman
And then he’d let it all fall down, rather than be a party to evil. But I’m not reading very many articles written by principled people today.

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Hee. HeeheeheheHAHAHAHAHA…

Good news, everyone! Peak Derp has been achieved.

Actually it was achieved several years ago, but I only now learned about it over at Uncle’s place.

Yes, the Gripshot. For those times when mounting your secondary weapon on your primary weapon and then walking away from them both just seems like the right thing to do.

It's so damned obvious. Why didn't we think of this before?

It’s so damned obvious. Why didn’t we think of this before?


I’m happy to be able to say that, even in my 20’s when I’d buy pretty much any silly gadget I encountered, this would have seemed like an unusually dumb idea.

In fact it’s almost as dumb as…well…

 "It's a Callahan Full-bore Auto-lock. Customized trigger, double cartridge, thorough gauge. This is my very favorite gun...But it doesn't really do anything, so I'm going to use this pistol instead."

“It’s a Callahan Full-bore Auto-lock. Customized trigger, double cartridge, thorough gauge. This is my very favorite gun…But it doesn’t really do anything, so I’m going to use this pistol instead.”

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Oh, you son of a mange-ridden dog…

Okay, here’s one of those “a new study shows” articles that shows nothing new at all…

Study Finds Employers Are Hiring More Freelancers To Avoid Obamacare

Obamacare was only imposed on us in 2010 and I haven’t had a “real” job in that time, so I don’t know what effect it has had on employment. At a guess, though, it’s been devastating for people on the fringes. It was well on the way to devastated when I left Socal, and largely because of health care costs. By the turn of the century I couldn’t beg or buy a regular job with benefits, and sometimes had to travel considerable distances to get a good long-term contract job. Employers I knew personally spent a lot of time in anguish over the cost of medical insurance, trying to keep the doors open without driving their regular workers into mutiny with insurance plan cuts. Personally, I’ve thought for a long time that group insurance as an employment benefit is the worst thing that could have happened to the whole health care industry.

All this is just life in these here United States, nothing to bitch about particularly. But having been in a position to wonder – for years at a time – whether I was going to have a roof over my head next month – and with the answer sometimes being “no” – I found this bit of reality-warping really angering…

“The trend of companies hiring more freelancers will continue annually, causing for an even more blended workforce, and creating new challenges for business leaders,” Dan Schawbel, a Partner & Research Director at Future Workplace, said in a statement provided to The Daily Caller News Foundation. “The workforce is willing to make sacrifices, including compensation and benefits, in order to gain the freedom and flexibility afforded to the freelance career path.”

You can’t see me through this laptop screen (can you?) but I’m struggling for words at this time. Pasting that paragraph into the text window made me angry all over again.

Okay, sorry, I must emote: No, you lying piece of shit, “the workforce” is not willing to make sacrifices “in order to gain the freedom and flexibility afforded to the freelance.” “The workforce” is willing to make sacrifices to avoid the freedom and flexibility of chronic unemployment.

I could go on in that vein for 5000 words or so without seriously repeating myself, but I’ll shut up now.

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Internet titles that make no smallest bit of sense

11 Times Gaby Espino Totally Slayed Your Entire Life

It’s the title. Who the $%^& is Gaby Espino, and how did she slay my life?

I don’t care enough to actually click the link and find out. So please forgive if doing so slayed your entire life. Totally or otherwise.

I just don’t get it.

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You keep using that word.

In regard to a South Carolina reciprocity law…

“Everybody wants the right to carry a gun and that’s dangerous in a free society,” [SC Rep Wendell] Gilliard said. “We should not allow that.”


inigo_free
freemen

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If you felt a goose walk across your grave this morning…

…maybe you were more attached to that old shirt than you thought you were when you threw it away.
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I’ve got half a dozen longsleeved t-shirts, picked up in one thrift store or another at one time or another. They’re quite comfy in winter. But every one advertises some event that happened over a decade ago and couldn’t possibly have really been worth commemorating all that time. Plus, few showed very much wear when I acquired them. I imagine each one spending ten years or more in the bottom drawer of some minor dresser until finally sent off to thrift store heaven. And some must have moved with their owners at least once, since they tend to advertise fun runs and such in places nowhere near here.

But each one ended up warming the back of a smelly old git out in the desert, far away – in every way – from the suburban weekend they were printed to plug.

I dunno – it gives me something to think about during laundry time. :)

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Wait, wait, wait. Quit messing with my preconceived notions.

When Bloomberg says something uncharacteristically sensible, he’s either had a stroke-induced moment of clarity or he’s just being a hypocrite. Which would be perfectly consistent.

“[I]n a macro sense, one of the most dangerous places on a college campus is a so-called safe space because it creates a false impression that we can isolate ourselves from those who hold different views. We can’t and we shouldn’t try. Not in politics or in the workplace.”

Completely true, shockingly. But isn’t this the same guy who wants to turn the whole country into one big gun-free zone? Aren’t GFZs where all the best mass shootings happen, yet he still thinks they’re a good idea?

Oh, wait. That’s right. Gun-free zones are only for little people. Bloomberg zones are loaded with guns, and with professional thugs itching to shoot us with them.

So, hypocrite. Okay.

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Hm. It may be necessary to paint the AK black.

Or would that be coloral appropriation?
01
h/t

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It’s official. The loonies are running the asylum.

Good luck out there. Me, I’m instituting a ‘shoot strangers on sight’ policy, using Ian’s stuff for plausible deniability.

Believing in two genders is a ‘hate crime’ under police investigation at Catholic college

Both the police and the [Loyola Marymount] Bias Incident Response Team are investigating the stated belief that only two genders exist, male and female, as a hate crime.

So that can’t possibly turn out any way but right. Right?

But there are also threats from without. Expect a sudden surge of Venezuelan refugees, with or without DHS background checks…

Beer Becomes the Latest Scarcity in a Venezuela Crippled by Shortages

I figure when the beer runs out and people there clear their heads and look around at what they’ve been putting up with under the glories of the commie state, they’re outa there faster than they can pack. Yes of course they’ll all end up here.

Yup. You guys are pretty much toast. Me, I’m gonna spend my day rigging jerky racks to deal with the occasional tourist or trespasser. Shoot and shut up, to be sure. But shovel? Wasteful.

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Too much logic

youd know it

h/t

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Sorry, baby. No tickee, no washee.

Uncle Joel is having a moral crisis.

I was checking my chicken pellet usage yesterday and being appalled at the chunk my newbies have taken out of #150 in only two months. And I was thinking, ‘those pullets turn a year old next month, and two of them have never laid an egg. I’m starting to think at least one of them never will. It’s time to cull some hens.”

And normally that would be no problem at all. The hens hate me, I barely tolerate them, they’re useful but not especially pleasant to have around and I don’t at all mind killing them. Up-close and personal, with a hatchet. And then eating them.

Except this is one of the worst offenders…
IMG_1353
This is the pullet I call Little Miss Arrested Development – not an official name – and she’s the only cute chicken in the history of the Fortress of Attitude. She pecks my fingers to see if there’s food there, she follows me around hopping up and down until I pick her up. She has never and apparently will never grow up,and she really ought to go to the stewpot. But…

Oh, slippery slope, Uncle Joel. Do not make pets of them. That’s not just a good idea, it’s the law.

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There’s a phrase that covers this sort of thing…

…um…Oh yeah! Darwin Award!

Realizing his home was being broken into, the homeowner yelled, “Don’t come in here, I have a gun!”.

Boyd, with his face covered by a bandana, ignored the warning and eventually “physically forced himself in through the front door,” Corinth Police Captain Dell Green said.

“A scuffle ensued,” said Dance, “and the intruder was shot three times, we believe. He then went out into the yard and fell.”

Chief Dance said Boyd had previously been arrested for burglary and robbery and had also been shot during a prior attempt a number of years earlier. That incident involved an elderly man who, after experiencing a prior break-in at his home, rigged his door with a homemade alarm system. When he heard the aluminum cans he had strung around the door rattling, he told the intruder not to come in, that he had a gun. Just like his final burglary attempt, Boyd went inside anyway.

He probably thought he was being brave. I can think of a different word.

Honestly, if forced to a prediction I’d have said anybody with two brain cells and a synapse in his whole head would have learned sufficiently the first time. But that’s why more people need to be willing to pull the trigger, I guess. Vacuum out the shallow end of the gene pool.

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Welcome home, Ghost, be it ever so humble…

IMG_1352
Yesterday morning he disappeared to go hang with Landlady. Possibly having enjoyed as much of Dharma’s company as he cared to, he wandered over to S&L’s and spent the night there. As they were packing to leave ahead of the next rainstorm, he showed up back at Landlady’s just in time for her Jeep ride to her car. He consented to come into the Lair just enough to get a treat, and bullied me to open the door and let him out as that picture was loading. So he’s back home, but it’ll take him a while to become reconciled to the letdown.

Soooo sorry, Mr. Snowflake.

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Wow. This guy’s karma really sucked.

I checked to see if this article was a parody, it’s that perfect.

A serial rapist was killed by a runaway trailer while distracted by pornography on his cell phone in Tennessee – just half a mile from where he terrorized numerous women in the 1990s.

Kevin Jordan, 55, was walking along the sidewalk just a block from his home in Memphis when the 15-foot trailer smashed into a fence and struck him in the 3700 block of Park Avenue on Wednesday, authorities said.

Witnesses said police told them the convicted felon had been watching pornography on his phone – and had failed to notice the vehicle coming at him until it was too late.

Moments later he was reborn as a bacterium in the gut of a small dung beetle gathering material in front of the left rear wheel of a rolling Somali technical. “How did I get here?” he briefly wondered.

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Spring weather is stupid weird. Weird and stupid.

Yesterday I went out to the county road to pick up Landlady, because given the forecast only an idiot would drive her little townie car to the wrong side of what’s likely to be miles of mud by tomorrow. I held up my layer-laden sleeve and exclaimed, “End of April and look what I’m wearing!” I’m actually undoing earlier timid efforts at putting winter stuff into storage, because damn.

Early in the week a family member of the new owner of J&H’s old property moved an RV trailer in and prepared to stay the summer. That was Monday and it was cold and absurdly windy and spitting snow. By Thursday, with the wind trying its damndest to push that trailer right off the ridgetop, I really started to feel sorry for the guy and began to see – a rarity for me – why somebody might not actually enjoy living here.

Because this is April! Tomorrow is May! This is supposed to be the reward for all that bullshit we spent the last five months slogging through. But instead I’m anxiously watching my stump sock supply because it’s been too crappy out to do laundry.

And I’ve got it easy compared to some of you guys. Wah! I want my Spring!

And now I’m going to turn my computer off, because even though at this very moment there’s barely a cloud in the sky it rained all night and it’s supposed to be thunderstorms all afternoon. So I’m soaking up photons while I may.

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Meat Pies!

With the opportunity to make chicken pies arising suddenly out of the ruins of a bread bake gone bad, I had to plan on the fly. Since I’m also still learning this, results were bound to be…uneven.
IMG_1344
First one out of the oven. FAR too big. Cut it in half and wrapped up the big half for later.
IMG_1347
Darned good. Needs gravy, but considering the chaos my kitchen – and every other horizontal surface in the Lair – is in at the moment, this quick snack would have to settle for barbecue sauce. Didn’t work that great.
IMG_1349
Smaller – and less time in the oven – worked out fine. I’ll bring one of these over to Landlady’s place. She’s coming in this evening, just in time for all the weekend rain.

Bread baking normally makes a big mess in my vestpocket kitchen. Suddenly turning it into a meat pie project completes the job of ruination, so if you’ll excuse me I have quite a lot of cleaning up to do. Ghost took his half of the leftover filling and left without so much as a thank you, but Little Bear was there for me with the clean-up…
IMG_1348
He’s such a mensch.

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Grumble. Pay more attention, Joel.

IMG_1341
Never saw much more than a glimpse of the sun today, and the weekend is supposed to be pretty wet. So it looks like we’re back on an austerity budget with the juice.

End of April, and I’m blessing myself for not having put all the winter stuff into storage. The canvas coat needed washing, which I put off till I was sure things had warmed up, and now I’m wearing it…indoors, at the moment. I’m thinking of hauling in some firewood, and very well might by Sunday.

But that was okay, I thought; cold and windy and maybe wet is a good day for baking bread. So I pushed up my sleeves and got to work – and an hour later the dough ball has hardly risen at all. Hm – that was the last of the yeast in my ‘ready use’ jar, and I didn’t spend much time proving it before I made the dough.

I went up to Ian’s place, where I keep the bulk of my yeast in his freezer…
IMG_1343
Stupid! Stupid! I completely forgot. This is over a year old and near the end. I should have replaced this last month! I did exactly the same thing last time.

I keep an eye on flour and bulk goods and canned food and eggs, but always forget the yeast until it’s a crisis. Maybe what’s still in the bag is good, maybe not. I may be able to buy more Monday, if not I got this stuff on Amazon.

In the meantime I have a whole bunch of dough that won’t rise enough for proper bread. Can I still make use of it? Fortunately I was still at Ian’s freezer…
IMG_1342
That’s all the meat I could render from one of those obese Brahma hens, separated from the bones and great disgusting globs of fat. Barely enough to fill one one-quart freezer bag, but it’s good stewing meat. Ate one of them earlier in the week, and certainly didn’t intend to start on this one so soon. But meat pies work out pretty well. I’ll sauté some onions, boil some potatoes, and bake them into smaller turnovers this time. Film at eleven.

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The “Torture Test” video jumps the shark

I think the main lesson we should take from this is “Ian and Karl have a flamethrower now.”

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I’m a bad person. With bad cell reception.

Woke this morning playing out all the things that needed to get done. It’s been an awful week for weather, as I gather it is all up and down this longitude. I’ve been out in it rather more than I liked, what with the new neighbors’ water problems. But mostly I’ve been hiding inside, reading books and watching loose items fly past the window. At least it was mostly sunny yesterday and I should have taken that opportunity to wash some stump sox while I could. But I let the wind deter me, and now I’m awake to full socked-in overcast.
IMG_1339
The problem, it seems, is that I spent all day yesterday thinking it was Wednesday. Weather was supposed to be better on Thursday, so I put some things off – only to find that I had missed my Thursday window.

But a little laundry wasn’t the worst, by far. I woke this morning convinced – absolutely convinced it was Thursday, and that was an important day because on Thursday D&L were going to the city for a medical exam and didn’t think they’d get home in time to tend dogs and horses, so could I please stand by to…

I didn’t forget it! I didn’t! I just … forgot what day it was. So imagine my delight, upon realizing my mistake and snatching my lately-near-useless cellphone off the desk, to find a voicemail waiting. It almost certainly said something like, “Yeah, we’re trapped in [name of city] and can’t get home before midnight. Would you please [tend dogs and horses]? Thanks for not being the sort of terrible person who would forget all about it.”

Gods, I’m a terrible person…

Fortunately, Uncle Murphy gave me a break. The voicemail said, “We sailed right through and will be home in lots of time, so go ahead and stand down.”

This cellphone situation is giving me fretfulness. I get texts and voicemails, but sometimes not until hours after they’re sent and usually without notification. And it’s not just me or my cheap-ass phone, either; everybody complains about it. We need better comms.

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Yeah, but you know after November that won’t be funny anymore.

things-I-trust
h/t

Yeah, some day you guys will be sitting around the internment camps saying, “Hey, remember Joel? And that time they found that picture on his computer? Man! I didn’t know you could squash a person that flat.”

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