Slaughter of the Innocents…

Some weeks ago a kind reader sent me a packet of seeds. No, not that kind of seed, Mr. DEA, sir. These are Santa Domingo Casaba melons, and they’re supposed to do well in a dry, hot environment. Hope so, ’cause I like melons.

But if experience is any guide, I’m sending these innocent infant plants to their deaths. I’ve got my plot all prepared, it’s all bermed and mulched and fertilized. As soon as I plant these seedlings I’ll cover them with straw so they can harden away from full sun. And they’ll probably die anyway, because I planted them.

I’ve got a neighbor who got a melon plant just from spitting some seeds on the ground. I’ve got other neighbors who grew tomatoes they didn’t even know they were planting, just from washing seeds down the grey water drain. But me? Oh, I’m a bad man for just thinking of planting a garden.