From the Captain’s Journal, via Unc, comes the tale of a sad puppy of an overdressed cop-ett. Or whatever the hell is going on here. Is “you shoot like a receptionist” sexist?
Also, may I tell you a really self-aggrandizing story? This happened way back in the foggy mists of time, when non-cop-type people who went to shooting schools were called ‘survivalists’ and were all probably right-wing terrorists. So, not unlike now.
And this angry young probably-a-terrorist right here spent a lot of time traveling back and forth to a school in the wilds of Missouri which doesn’t exist anymore because its mercenary proprietor was killed a long time ago in Mozambique. But in the non-stranger-killing season he ran this school with which he attempted to teach both wannabes like myself and – for a tactically reduced price – groups of local police.
I happened to arrive a day early on one occasion to find him at his wit’s end on the fifty-yard line, surrounded by a bunch of shotgun-wielding cops.
Even then, with far less life experience but not much of the good kind, I had a thing about cops. I decided to withdraw and set up camp in the woods, but he caught my eye. “Joel!” he yelled. (Yeah, I was a regular, every time I could scrape $500 together.) “Come over here.”
I obeyed. He handed me a shotgun and directed me to go through the stage he had set up.
This was an extremely easy stage. Frankly I’d have been a little embarrassed by it at our monthly pistol match, where I was a range officer and wrote most of the stages. There were five silhouette targets at 25 yards and five taped-up clay birds at 50 yards. I was to start at high ready with five slugs in the magazine and five rounds of birdshot in a sidesaddle. Fire the slugs at the targets, then advance to them while reloading and fire at the clay birds. I shrugged and said, “‘Kay.”
I didn’t know what the fuss was about, but went ahead and ran through the stage. It was very simple stuff, as I said, but I was thrown a little off my stride halfway through clearing the clay birds when [the instructor] started yelling at me to “Go! Go!”
I finished the stage and handed back the empty gun. He turned to the group of onlooking cops and started to yell. “28 seconds! Less than half your best time! And he’s not a professional, and only has one leg and can’t even run!” It’s true; I sort of hippity-hopped which is the closest thing to running I could come. Won’t even do that any more for fear my leg will fall right off.
Over the years I had a few other chances to compete against cops and I can only think of one guy I found challenging, even though I was never anything like a champion competitive shooter. Although there was this one match our pistol team got suckered into entering…
But all that was a long time ago. I’m an old man now and don’t practice like a ninja anymore, but I’m pretty sure I could still contrive to outshoot the Brazilian receptionist in the video. And if she ever actually received any instruction before that exhibition, I could also beat hell out of her instructor.
Hope she recovered, I guess.
We have a pretty nice range here, from which our town’s finest appropriated (it’s on city property) a small swath for themselves. But civilians aren’t allowed to participate in their fun, and we’re certainly not allowed to even WATCH. “Safety”, you know.
The marksmanship of our department is lousy, from what I can see when I see their shot up targets…
More proof, here, that pretty much every argument of the gun-ban crowd makes a lot more sense if you read “cop” for “gun owner”. Every vapor-lock paranoia of safety, misuse, neglect, hotheadedness, power-tripping, and weaponized incompetence is on daily display…in those sanctimoniously anointed as the Only Ones competent enough. (Somehow, the plebes seem to get along just fine, with or without various levels of harassment.)
As goes the old joke:
Q: What’s the most dangerous job a cop can have? Homicide? Ghetto patrol? Bomb squad? Narcotics?
A: Are you kidding? None of those. By a longshot, it’s station range officer.
Saw that one coming as soon as she went prone.
Was also waiting for her to slice open her wrapped-over-the-top thumb.
Hey, at least she didn’t scream and drop the pistol.
The local CHP shoots at our local indoor range. One came in and was banging away rapid fire with a very tactiool, highly operator, very expensive AR. The term “much sound and fury….” came to mind as I was watching him shoot through the window.
Much like Wyowanderer, we aren’t allowed in the side the cops are shooting in when they are there. We waited, went in and I commented to the range employee who is a pal that I could do better with my pistol then Eric Estrada did with the AR.
He said prove it, and I opened fire on the same target, still proudly hanging out in the middle of the bay.
Admittedly, my group was larger than the one shot by the rifle bearing bear.
But not by much.
Considering I was shooting a Glock 30 and he was shouldering a scoped AR, that’s pretty bad.
No, I’m not the greatest shooter; in fact I kinda suck, Joel can attest.
And that makes it worse.
Here in the Pacific NorthWet (you won’t identify with that, Joel) we have an amazing bunch of local cops who participate in IPSC and Speed Steel type matches.
They’re pretty good. In fact, a couple of them tend to wind more matches, to the point where (when the Local Heroes are absent) they compete between themselves. One local cop was even the USPSA Board Member for our section for a while.
Yes, they actually are that good: not politically, but so competent as shooters that they have garnered a lot of respect from their peers in the “Competition Shooting Community”.
I have watched other PDs running their officers through drills on the range, and was similarly unimpressed; but the Linn/Benton County guys seem to have their shit thoroughly together in a tight group.
That’s not true of ALL LEOs, but in this little section of the Willamette Valley, Oregon, I think that anyone who knows these Bad Boys respect them. The local cops (not all of them, but enough) not only demonstrate their expertise at monthly matches at the three local clubs, but they participate as ‘members of the community”.
More, last month the ‘local’ department held their nth “Toys for Tots” match. They have established an outreach program where they host an annual match, all profits going to buying teddy bears for abused children. All About The Children it’s called, or the “ABC” match. Some years it’s a Speed Steel match, some years it’s an IPSC style match. And they mix & match the stage designs to attract as many shooters as possible.
Your experience, Joel, is not typical in all places. I know you will be glad to know this, because we all depend on that Thin Blue Line to keep the peace. So we don’t have to.
Some of us just count on that Thin Blue Line to keep its distance.