Huh. It turns out there actually is artisanal firewood.

Via here:

Not sure what bothers me more……

The fact that Menards thinks they can sell 8″diameter/9 inch high logs for $9.99….

Or that I saw some hipster in fake work boots loading 4 into his cart.

artisinal firewood
It’s an “engineered, all-natural wood log,” which (the ad says) can be lit with a match. Not unlike a garden-variety firelog, but with more “natural.”
hipster
For people who don’t know how to light actual fires, I guess.

Oh, we’ve seen sillier things than this openly for sale. I’m just looking for a chance to feel superior this morning.

About Joel

You shouldn't ask these questions of a paranoid recluse, you know.
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7 Responses to Huh. It turns out there actually is artisanal firewood.

  1. Ben says:

    Even when I’m speechless, I can still manage to type. Amazing!

  2. Robert Evans says:

    People used to know which woods burned best for various applications; Horace Kephart listed them all (well, a lot of them) in his Camping and Woodcraft book.

  3. Michael says:

    Yea, Joel you are just bitter cause you did not think of the scam to bilk the snowflakes first. 😉 There is also the 18 $ 7″x7″ cedar shingle to grill you salmon on. Think of it, you have a gold mine in that pallet-wood pile you just re-stacked, all you need to do is come up wit a good ploy and some quick marketing.

  4. jed says:

    I did a web search for “bonfire log”. These specially crafted logs have slits cut into them, so they’ll burn from the inside out, provided Mr. Lumberjack knows to light them properly. Not a new idea at all. It’s the Swedish fire log, but without having to do anything icky like touch a chainsaw.

  5. coloradohermit says:

    Do they come with free pet rocks?

  6. Tennessee Budd says:

    Thanks (?) to recent storms, a TN summertime fact of life, I have a ton or so of big-ass limbs broken off the trees & lying in my yard. Tried to drag one today, & the F150 couldn’t get sufficient purchase on the grass: had to lunge a few times, dragging it a few feet each time by sheer momentum.
    I’ve got a fuckin’ gold mine here.
    Pity I’m just going to cut it all up for my smoker (1 oak limb & 1 pear). There’s nobody within reasonable range dumb enough to pay that kind of money.

  7. tamslick says:

    [blockquote]”People used to know which woods burned best for various applications”[/blockquote]

    None of those people used encryption on their emails.

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