CHICAGO—The city of Chicago is steadily recovering from an overnight snowstorm that delayed hundreds of murders on Friday morning and will likely continue to push numerous homicides across the city drastically behind schedule, public authorities announced. “As we speak, maintenance crews are working diligently to restore public transportation, de-ice roads, and clear back alleyways so that Chicagoans can quickly resume murdering again,”
The Onion has a hard time keeping up with reality, which strives so diligently to make parody obsolete. But once in a while they manage to evoke a morning belly laugh in sour ol’ Joel.
And the Onion writers relentlessly pick on Chicago, which ought to be a Bloombergian utopia but instead consistently does the other thing. Which of course makes it extra funny to me, at least.
Thank you! Sometimes the Onion is just entirely spot-on! I am still laughing. Wryly, but laughing.
The Onion rocks. We lost our local office a few years ago. Sad.
Hadta come in from out of town and work nights for three weeks in Chicago. It shattered my preconceptions- daytime people were almost uniformly pleasant and helpful to an out-of-towner like me. Nights, I was condition yellow-verging-on-magenta or something.