If, at the conclusion of a night of existential angst, the best inspiration you can come up with is Buck Owens (and “Monster’s Holiday” at that), consider the possibility that you’ve severely misspent a good portion of your intellectual life.
That is all.
They say that Louis XIV had the inscription Ultima Ratio Regum cast into all the cannon of the French Army. It means “The Ultimate Argument of Kings,” and that always struck me as one of the most honest and up-front things any ruler or would-be ruler ever said. “We can dress it up prettier than this, but when it comes down to the unvarnished truth this is what it’s about: You’ll do as I say or I’ll send my goons to kill you.”
I thought about that for a long time. If there’s an ultimate argument, it seems only logical that there must be an ultimate answer. For years I thought the ultimate answer must be the bullets in my rifle, but it never seemed quite right. I’ve got bullets – he’s got frigging Cannon Balls. I mean, if there were three hundred million rifles throwing bullets at him, then maybe. But we all know that’s not going to happen. So if there’s an ultimate answer to his ultimate argument, it sure as hell ain’t bullets.
It finally came to me – and that’s when I abandoned the city and most of my stuff, and gave all that was behind me a good stiff Randian Shrug.
The ultimate answer to kings is not a bullet, but a belly laugh.
Little Bear 2009-2018
Laddie the Amazing Torso Boy 2011-2020
"Freedom Outlaw. It’s not what you do; it’s how you do it. It’s an attitude — from which actions always follow. It’s a do-it-yourself occupation. And a lifetime vocation."
- Claire Wolfe, Backwoods Home Companion, 6-07-10
I owe my success to having listened respectfully to the very best advice, and then going away and doing the exact opposite.
- G. K. Chesterton
"If every Jewish and anti-Nazi family in Germany had owned a Mauser rifle and twenty rounds of ammunition and the will to use it, Adolf Hitler would be a little-known footnote to the history of the Weimar Republic."
- Aaron Zelman
"Authority should derive from the consent of the governed, not from the threat of force."
- Barbie
"Never underestimate the ability of shit to find a fan."
- F. Paul Wilson
"You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs." The sophistry of villains - Bah!
- Robert A. Heinlein, Double Star
“Truth is, I’m not specifically interested in an armed society. What I want is a free society.”
- George Potter
I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself
A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself.
- D. H. Lawrence
Aristippus passed Diogenes as he was washing lentils.
He said, “If you could but learn to flatter the king, you would not have to live on lentils.”
Diogenes said, “And if you could learn to live on lentils, you would not have to flatter the king.”
Sandy Hook was a Gun Free Zone. So was the Westroads Mall. And the Aurora Theater. And Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School. Should I go on? They were all Gun Free Zones.Â
– Reality
“Political tags — such as royalist, communist, democrat, populist, fascist, liberal, conservative, and so forth — are never basic criteria. The human race divides politically into those who want people to be controlled and those who have no such desire. The former are idealists acting from highest motives for the greatest good of the greatest number. The latter are surly curmudgeons, suspicious and lacking in altruism. But they are more comfortable neighbors than the other sort.”
- Robert A. Heinlein
"Civilization is the process of setting man free from men."
- Ayn Rand
If ever a man should ask you
For your business or your name
Tell him to go and fuck himself
Tell his friends to do the same.
For a man who'd trade his liberty
For a safe and dreamless sleep
Doesn't deserve the both of them
And neither shall he keep.
- Frank Turner
Don't be afraid to try something big, just because you're an amateur. The Ark was built by amateurs. The Titanic was built by professionals.
- Anon
"Nothing scares a police officer more than the threat of being treated the way that they treat people every day."
- Anon
"Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everybody you meet."
- Gen. James Mattis
"Lust for power is the most flagrant of all the passions."
- Tacitus
"The man who knows what freedom means will find a way to be free."
- F.A. "Baldy" Harper
"The greatest discovery of any generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitude."
- William James
We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.
- Viktor Frankl
The free man will ask neither what his country can do for him nor what he can do for his country.
- Milton Friedman
“We must be free not because we claim freedom, but because we practice it.”
- William Faulkner
There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.
- Ernest Hemingway
"Everything the State says is a lie, and everything it has it has stolen."
- Friedrich Nietzsche
John Moses Browning - The most badass Mormon who ever lived.
"The nine most terrifying words in the English language are 'I'm from the government, and I'm here to help.'"
- Ronald Reagan
The most dangerous creation of any society is the man who has nothing to lose.
- James A. Baldwin
"It is better to be a warrior in a garden than to be a gardener in a war."
- Anon
“I tried to live in such a way that, when dying, I would rather feel happy than scared.”
– Witold Pilecki
Few men desire liberty; most men wish only for a just master.
- Sallust
"Place your clothes and weapons where you can find them in the dark."
- Lazarus Long
Read, every day, something no one else is reading.
Think, every day, something no one else is thinking.
Do, every day, something no one else would be silly enough to do.
It is bad for the mind to continually be part of unanimity.
– Â Christopher Morley
“I have found that, to make a contented slave, it is necessary to make a thoughtless one. It is necessary to darken his moral and mental vision, and, as far as possible, to annihilate the power of reason. He must be able to detect no inconsistencies in slavery; he must be made to feel that slavery is right; and he can be brought to that only when he ceases to be a man.”
-Frederick Douglass
ESSE QUAM VIDERI –
To be, rather than to seem
– Marcus Tullius Cicero
“A Winchester rifle should have a place of honor in every black home, and it should be used for that protection which the law refuses to give.”
– Ida B. Wells
Do what thy manhood bid thee do; from none but self expect applause.
He noblest lives and noblest dies, who makes and keeps his self made laws
– Sir Richard Burton
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.
– Winston Churchill
“Happiness is a journey, not a destination. Dance as though no one is watching you. Love as though you have never been hurt before. Sing as though no one can hear you. Live as though heaven is on earth.”
― Father Alfred d’Souza
Joel,
I’ve lived the life of the mind since before elementary school. I won’t claim that all of my choices were good, but the number of people I would agree have spent their intellectual life better than I have is quite small, and I’ve run in some fast crowds.
I’ve had my own nights of existential angst of late. Not much fun. I don’t have any inspiration better than Buck Owens. Heck, I don’t have a whole lot of inspiration, period. Mortality sucks. Growing old isn’t a game for sissies.
You’re hard hit. Cut yourself some slack. Stressing yourself over newly imagined shortcomings isn’t helping you, and helping you should be the main point right now.
You have friends. Now would be a good time to contact some of them. You have to live your life, but you don’t have to do this alone.
What S said…
We’ve all made choices we’d like to revisit, or eliminate as ever having come our way, but we don’t get any do-overs. We have to play the hand we get delt, and I know you don’t cheat. 🙂 But it isn’t over until it’s over, so don’t give up on yourself now.
Intellectually, you are brilliant. A little hard headed, sure, but I don’t hold it against you if you won’t be upset at my stubbornness. 🙂
Joel, I’ve been where you are, albeit from a different cause – job-related injury that left me partially disabled and in pain 24/7/365, and has restricted my life greatly since early 2004. I really can identify with the ‘dark night’ of which you speak.
On the other hand, history records many people who got body-slammed by something nasty like an injury, or glaucoma, or whatever. Many of them gave up and retreated into their shell. Others went on to new greatness – for example, Beethoven.
It always comes down to a choice. Am I going to let this thing beat me? Or am I going to treat it as just another challenge to be overcome? I may not be able to do many of the things I formerly took for granted, but there’ll be new doors to open – all I have to do is find their handles and turn them.
Hang in there, sir. A way forward will open.
Well, if you are ready to give up, no one can stop you.
BUT… there are other people who have been where you are, and they seem to lead lives that they find worthwhile. I suggest that you find a support group, and assess your options. (After you get a second opinion)
If I were in your shoes (Which I might be, someday, given my family history with Glaucoma), I would be looking for what I could do without sight. Ham radio popped in to my head, although that might not be practical. I’m sure there are other possibilities out there. Something better than piano tuning or selling brooms door-to-door.
There are things you can do to make the world a better place. Quitting is not one of them. Yes, you are faced with hard choices. The independent mountain-man lifestyle may be over. So you need to find a new lifestyle that you can live with.
Ditto to what everyone else has said.
It’s ok to freak out about it, and get pissed off too. Then it’s a matter of making a new set of preps for the future. You’ll figure it out, just like you have with everything else you’ve dealt with already. It’s not impossible, just another annoyance to have to deal with.
Joel, this is a hell of a kick in the teeth, but it’s not a death sentence. There are so many opportunities out there now for the visually impaired. there’s software that turns text into voice. there’s Dragon, that turns voice into text. there are audio books and podcasts. there’s even the dreaded .gov financial and medical assistance.
The eyedrops should delay the progression and give you time to make accomodations and plans. I believe that for now, you’ll have to work thru the stages of grief, but never forget that you have so many online friends out here willing to help in any way that we can for you when are ready for it.
You had a few comments, either here or at Claire’s, from folks with glaucoma who’ll have experience to share. My Dad had it and I learned so much from him and with him that I’d love to share. So many of us have had dark times in dark places that we have a lot to offer. We can cry with you or rage with you or give you whatever encouragement you need. When you have some idea of how you want to proceed, let us go with you.
Your ass is badder than this.
Sheesh. Nobody can take a joke.
Just got around to checking the Internets. Hate to hear the bad news. We’re all pulling for ya’.
There’s hope. Buck Owens is ok. You could be pondering the Backstreet Boys.