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They say that Louis XIV had the inscription Ultima Ratio Regum cast into all the cannon of the French Army. It means “The Ultimate Argument of Kings,” and that always struck me as one of the most honest and up-front things any ruler or would-be ruler ever said. “We can dress it up prettier than this, but when it comes down to the unvarnished truth this is what it’s about: You’ll do as I say or I’ll send my goons to kill you.”
I thought about that for a long time. If there’s an ultimate argument, it seems only logical that there must be an ultimate answer. For years I thought the ultimate answer must be the bullets in my rifle, but it never seemed quite right. I’ve got bullets – he’s got frigging Cannon Balls. I mean, if there were three hundred million rifles throwing bullets at him, then maybe. But we all know that’s not going to happen. So if there’s an ultimate answer to his ultimate argument, it sure as hell ain’t bullets.
It finally came to me – and that’s when I abandoned the city and most of my stuff, and gave all that was behind me a good stiff Randian Shrug.
The ultimate answer to kings is not a bullet, but a belly laugh.
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Laddie the Amazing Torso Boy 2011-2020
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Category Archives: Uncategorized
I’m not a big Wes Anderson fan, to be honest, but…
I have Isle of Dogs on DVD, just re-watched it this evening, and it’s worth anybody’s time.
Bother. I hate it when gadgets don’t work out.
Just as I began chainsawing all my new yard juniper into stovewood, I ran into a problem I had hoped would hold off a bit: My single chain went “burn through the wood” dull. Unfortunately it’s a smaller size than … Continue reading
Did I clean it in the Spring, or didn’t I?
Safest bet was that I didn’t clean it. And it had accumulated quite a bit of soot… …and so it was definitely time to give the stovepipe a good pre-winter scrub. I used to be much more diligent about cleaning … Continue reading
First cold snap…
Night before last we got a hard frost… Then last night we got a hard freeze. But that’s because the clouds cleared out overnight. Gloomy as hell yesterday, almost half an inch of rain. It’s substantially warmer today than yesterday … Continue reading
I just thought this was funny…
From a 2017 newspaper article: “Today marks the 35th anniversary of the death of Sir Douglas Bader and I couldn’t let it pass without this story about the RAF hero. He was giving a talk at an upmarket girl’s school … Continue reading
And more thunder…
It was supposed to be raining this morning… …and despite there not being a cloud in the sky I rushed around getting our chores done because with the blasting wind and plummeting temperature I was reasonably sure the weatherman wasn’t … Continue reading
When your cat wants you to know she’s on the job…
Went into S&L’s place to feed their cat. There was something in her bowl. Looked more closely, and… …she had deposited this well-chewed mouse in her bowl, presumably so it would be impossible for her meal tickets to miss. Wise … Continue reading
Random Gulchy Moments…
Tobie is a happy boy. In two weeks’ time he’ll be a spoiled boy, because… S&L are off on an extended road trip. For personal reasons they’ve been tied to the house for years, and now they’re doing what they … Continue reading
‘Tis the season, I guess…
First pallet of fuel for D&L’s extremely hungry pellet stove. Used to be there were three of us to do this. Used to be we were all ten years younger. L is thinking about replacing their main stove with a … Continue reading
De-scaling Ian’s water heater…
So the tankless water heater in Ian’s Cave went operational in late 2020 or early 2021, can’t remember which. Neighbor D, who’s been running one for a long time, said “You have to flush them with strong vinegar regularly or … Continue reading
Unexpectedly busy morning…
Neighbor L wants to use her tractor, which hasn’t been touched since D’s accident almost a full year ago. Wait, that’s not true: She got rid of the horses in early December so it hasn’t been used since then. Anyway: … Continue reading
Pants’R’Us…
Last month I bitched about having to patch yet another pair of everyday pants. Shortly afterward I got an email from a regular reader, bragging that his wife had an uncanny ability to find like-new pants at the local thrift … Continue reading
Tobie & I went out and cut wood today…
…and the only remaining question I had about the new chainsaw, involving battery charge duration, has been answered… …it lasts longer than I do. We got this much wood into the yard this morning… …and the battery still shows two … Continue reading
Alligator Juniper isn’t really a tree at all…
It’s a delusional bush. With very few virtues as firewood, except that it lives for centuries by dying in sections, so that it isn’t necessary to cut and stack green wood for seasoning, and it’s free. But getting relatively straight … Continue reading
Uncle Joel Buys a Chainsaw…
Several years ago Big Brother gave me a gift of an electric chainsaw… …and at first I responded with distain, because such a weak little thing couldn’t possibly be of any use. I was, as is my custom, completely wrong: … Continue reading
Poor Tobie…
Tobie doesn’t make any fuss on Water Day, but that doesn’t mean he likes being abandoned and he has taken to expressing that in a funny/sad form of passive aggressive behavior. Lately I found a flavored leather bone that he … Continue reading
More ground mount repairs…
I got my signal back yesterday, as abruptly as it disappeared, so it must have been a local repair thing. I checked around and wasn’t the only one so I knew it wasn’t me. Curiously it’s not the first or … Continue reading
Signal trouble…
Something is wrong with the local cell system. Started mid-day yesterday. I’m standing on a hilltop more or less in line of sight and my phone has two bars which is just enough for text. Last time there was trouble … Continue reading
“It’s Christmas!”
I sent away for some winter stuff, and it all came in at once. It’s such a beautiful morning: If it weren’t for impending winter I do believe late September/early October would be my favorite part of the year. Mild … Continue reading
Gutsy but ill-advised, or How I Spent my Wednesday Afternoon
Got a call from Neighbor L today at about quarter past noon, just as Tobie and I were finishing lunch. Pretty good timing, because I planned to head out as soon as we were done. I had laundry on the … Continue reading