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They say that Louis XIV had the inscription Ultima Ratio Regum cast into all the cannon of the French Army. It means “The Ultimate Argument of Kings,” and that always struck me as one of the most honest and up-front things any ruler or would-be ruler ever said. “We can dress it up prettier than this, but when it comes down to the unvarnished truth this is what it’s about: You’ll do as I say or I’ll send my goons to kill you.”
I thought about that for a long time. If there’s an ultimate argument, it seems only logical that there must be an ultimate answer. For years I thought the ultimate answer must be the bullets in my rifle, but it never seemed quite right. I’ve got bullets – he’s got frigging Cannon Balls. I mean, if there were three hundred million rifles throwing bullets at him, then maybe. But we all know that’s not going to happen. So if there’s an ultimate answer to his ultimate argument, it sure as hell ain’t bullets.
It finally came to me – and that’s when I abandoned the city and most of my stuff, and gave all that was behind me a good stiff Randian Shrug.
The ultimate answer to kings is not a bullet, but a belly laugh.
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Author Archives: Joel
“It’s Christmas!”
I sent away for some winter stuff, and it all came in at once. It’s such a beautiful morning: If it weren’t for impending winter I do believe late September/early October would be my favorite part of the year. Mild … Continue reading
Gutsy but ill-advised, or How I Spent my Wednesday Afternoon
Got a call from Neighbor L today at about quarter past noon, just as Tobie and I were finishing lunch. Pretty good timing, because I planned to head out as soon as we were done. I had laundry on the … Continue reading
The song in my head…
Every morning – seriously, every single morning – I wake up humming or whistling a tune. It’s usually bafflingly random – I mean once in a while I can identify it as something I heard the night before but normally … Continue reading
“Well bless your heart.”
Oh frabjous day, delayed but not cancelled… Things can get weird when you don’t have a physical mailing address. For years I couldn’t use the local mail at all, I just had things sent to a friend’s house in a … Continue reading
Random Gulchy Moments…
Apologies for the light posting, there hasn’t been much going on. Weather has been rather autumn-like… Unusually cool mornings, never getting very hot in the afternoon. Past two days have been fair but we had surprising morning rain before that… … Continue reading
Happy Paratus Day
Commander Zero continues to promote his admirable holiday… Every year he sends me a nice card and gift, though I’ve never given him anything. This year, today, actually, I got a substantial box containing several things…
Propane and Propane Accessories…
Ticking two items off my winter prep to-do list… The kitchen bypass regulator died during last winter’s first freeze and I’ve been using the Plan B regulator ever since. Never got around to getting a new one till today, when … Continue reading
Tobie’s faith in my management skills is shattered.
If I can’t control the weather, what good am I*? It’s walkie time! Tobie and Uncle Joel have had their breakfast, and now it’s walkie time! And what are we doing? We’re sitting indoors not going walkie, that’s what. Because … Continue reading
Dammit, there goes another one…
I like Tru-Spec BDUs until they start to wear out – then they go downhill fast, and (on me, at least) they always fail first just above the left knee reinforcement. I have enough cut-off shorts, so – sigh… I … Continue reading
Tobie’s sole apparent superpower…
Tobie is a virtuous dog, for the most part. Still a dog, though. So of course the one thing he does with superlative skill involves theft of food. Yesterday, like today, we swung by the freezer at Ian’s Cave to … Continue reading
One of those gadgets you don’t need often…
…but when you do need it, no expedient works half as well. And it’s unobtrusive and relatively cheap, and I wish I’d known of its existence 15 years ago. Last winter when I was blundering around trying to figure out … Continue reading
Unhelpful, but promptly so.
So yesterday I got a reply from Holosun concerning the screws that came with my new optic. They asked me to describe the screws I required, which was a stumper: If I could technically describe the screws I have, I … Continue reading
Tobie and I have different walkie philosophies
Completely different. I’m there to let him have some exercise and a poop. He’s there to smell the neighborhood. In careful, thorough, leisurely detail. Missing nothing. Every goddam bush. Occasionally making marginal notes. Sometimes indulging in a vociferous retort. Clearly … Continue reading
[Expletive] I am very disappointed.
Having decided that I do like the Arex as my new carry pistol after all, but really don’t like the optic it’s attached to, I did something extremely bourgeois… I purchased another, better optic. The optic of my dreams, actually, … Continue reading
Senior Day at the Palace of Food…
…is the big event for the day, and I have to go do that in a few minutes. I’ve just been sitting around most of this week, no special reason, just stocked up on dowanna, hence the sparse blogging. But … Continue reading
Tobie’s Excellent Morning
After changing the bedding first thing this morning I had a bunch of laundry to wash. Brought it up to the washing machine at Ian’s Cave and this was going to take a while, so there was no point heading … Continue reading
“Ha ha ha! Beautiful!”
I expected to either hear the bedroom heater working during the night – or not. Instead I slept like a stone for nine hours and wouldn’t have noticed if the heater had played a Sousa march. But upon waking I … Continue reading
Hm. I maybe fixed the bedroom heater?
Actually sat down and read the manual, which suggested that cleaning the pilot light’s supply pipe and orifice could be an annual requirement what with spiders and whatnot. That got my attention – I mean it was unlikely to be … Continue reading
Uh oh…
Monsoon hasn’t left us alone yet – Yesterday afternoon we got wind and quite a lot of rain, and this morning it’s gloomy and cool… So cool, in fact, that I just caught myself digging out a light hoodie. At … Continue reading









































