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They say that Louis XIV had the inscription Ultima Ratio Regum cast into all the cannon of the French Army. It means “The Ultimate Argument of Kings,” and that always struck me as one of the most honest and up-front things any ruler or would-be ruler ever said. “We can dress it up prettier than this, but when it comes down to the unvarnished truth this is what it’s about: You’ll do as I say or I’ll send my goons to kill you.”
I thought about that for a long time. If there’s an ultimate argument, it seems only logical that there must be an ultimate answer. For years I thought the ultimate answer must be the bullets in my rifle, but it never seemed quite right. I’ve got bullets – he’s got frigging Cannon Balls. I mean, if there were three hundred million rifles throwing bullets at him, then maybe. But we all know that’s not going to happen. So if there’s an ultimate answer to his ultimate argument, it sure as hell ain’t bullets.
It finally came to me – and that’s when I abandoned the city and most of my stuff, and gave all that was behind me a good stiff Randian Shrug.
The ultimate answer to kings is not a bullet, but a belly laugh.
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Author Archives: Joel
Peanut butter and Kongs – the perfect combo
Tobie’s had a longtime relationship with his Kong since the day he came home from the shelter. It didn’t always go super well. These days he mostly ignores it, not being as toy-obsessed as when he was a puppy. But … Continue reading
Saturday Morning Coming Down
It’s raining cats and dogs. The weekly water run has been postponed till Monday. It was only sprinkling when Tobie and I went out for the morning walkie. Started seriously raining when we were pretty far from the cabin. No … Continue reading
Garbage Day
Finally, a chance to get rid of that old washer. And with it, a whole bunch of other stuff. Happy I was forced to clean out the powershed Sunday. Excellent timing. So I loaded the Jeep trailer,… …then transferred it … Continue reading
Happy (belated, again) Paratus Day!
Got my annual Paratus Day package from Commander Zero… The Ian thing has become a running joke between CZ and me: The only cool thing about me is that I know Gun Jesus. CZ never contents himself with an annual … Continue reading
And once again I turn a little job into a big one…
I had two little chores I wanted to knock out this morning. Tobie and I would be out anyway because I had to go to S&L’s to feed their chickens and cat so I threw some things in the back … Continue reading
And that’s why I dragged that old wagon home and refurbed it…
The kitchen stove I got back in early ’21 forced me to re-think how I use the oven because the oven igniter is such an amazing electricity hog. But the other side of that coin is that the lack of … Continue reading
It’s that time of year…
When you put a jacket over the hoodie you slept in to take Tobie for the morning walkie, and by the time you get back you’re down to a t-shirt on your back and carrying a bunch of textiles. To … Continue reading
Poor Tobie’s a nervous wreck…
We almost never get morning storms. And this year’s monsoon has been an almost total bust but things have gotten a little more dramatic lately. This morning I woke just in time for a big flash just outside my bedroom … Continue reading
Random Gulchy Stuff – Trans Chicken Edition
A few weeks ago Neighbor L (of S&L, not D&L) mentioned that one of her old hens, a Leghorn that no longer lays eggs but is still around because L is too softhearted to off chickens that don’t do their … Continue reading
Oh happy day…
Neighbor L talked all last winter about replacing her pellet stove with propane – and then she really did it! Normally this would be none of my business but she bought pellets by the ton, and they all had to … Continue reading
Tobie meets a dobie…
Yesterday I spent half the day at the big town about 50 miles away, most of that time spent hanging around a Lowe’s waiting for my ride to return. As mentioned yesterday I brought back a dorm fridge but the … Continue reading
The Secret Lair enters the 20th century…
It is hoped that the electrical system improvements of the past year will make this thing practical. Once the newly-expanded battery bank is in place, which it isn’t yet. Right now we have the worst of all possible worlds, with … Continue reading
My dumbass dog tried to hang himself…
When Tobie was a pup fresh from the shelter he had a terrible fear of Jeep rides. He got over it quick but for the first while he wouldn’t stay inside without coercion or bondage. Landlady gave me this cool … Continue reading
The Prodigal Shirt Returns
I have three old shirts that get the most wear in the hottest part of the desert summer. They’re all old green Dickie workshirts, worn thin, with the sleeves cut off – they got a little too small in the … Continue reading
The worst gun I’ve encountered in a long time…
A neighbor texted me, asked me to come over, and when I did he handed me a pistol case and asked if I could evaluate it and tell him what’s wrong. He’d only put a few rounds through it and … Continue reading
I saw a good one this morning…
This is right up there with ‘I don’t have to be faster than the bear, I just have to be faster than you.”
Does anybody know what this part is called?
It’s what the Jeep’s tailgate latch connects to. It’s been broken for years but recently gave up the ghost to the point where the gate is tied shut with 550 cord. I don’t know what it’s called and I’m having … Continue reading
I didn’t abandon you. The internet abandoned me.
I live near a town where “the internet is down” is an actual phrase. One that hasn’t been used for a few years but it does happen and when it does it demonstrates the danger of excessive reliance on a … Continue reading









































