Author Archives: Joel

About Joel

You shouldn't ask these questions of a paranoid recluse, you know.

Just to be contrary…

When I was a kid we moved a lot. I eventually sort-of graduated from the twelfth public school in which I was ever enrolled, so I was always the new kid. You could say I was a bit maladjusted. You … Continue reading

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Oh, this is going to take forever…

It’s a sad day when you find yourself cursing a mercifully warm winter… …but I have to move my woodshed, which should by all rights be nearly empty. Instead I used about 3/10s of the contents. Don’t seem right. I … Continue reading

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Flash! Stephen Colbert does a bit that’s actually funny.

He should pick on his fellow mutants more often.

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And the sign over the bread line read, “Honk if you love Socialism…”

…but there were no cars, because there was no fuel. Venezuela has a bread shortage. The government has decided bakers are the problem. In a press release, the National Superintendent for the Defense of Socioeconomic Rights[*] said it had charged … Continue reading

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Gelsock Bleg Update II

I have just received a communique by carrier pigeon that five gelsocks arrived today, and that the maildrop might well tip over and capsize under sheer reader awesomeness, the way poor Guam did under the weight of 8000 marines and … Continue reading

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‘Hey, I’ve watched a James Bond movie*. I know what silenced guns sound like.’

Okay, as far as I know she didn’t actually say that. But you just know that’s what she’s thinking. From the deepest depth of the U.S. Senate, I bring you…the sort of woman who is the reason men are occasionally … Continue reading

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Gelsock Bleg Update

That’s encouraging. I got a text from a person at my maildrop, informing me of seven packages “that appear to be stump socks.” I asked the person to open the packages and ascertain the contents, which turned out to be … Continue reading

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Float at 10:43

And in the interest of full disclosure it’s still not stable at 14.3 but it clearly will be pretty quick. That’s with the ‘pooter left on all morning and a high haze in the sky. With all the advantages, the … Continue reading

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Lawmakers gotta lawmake

or, “just in case you thought republicans were your friends…” You could soon have to share your genetic screen results with your boss A bill that would strip genetic privacy protections from workplace “wellness” programs, allowing companies to require employees … Continue reading

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The day the peanut butter jar goes empty…

…is a very happy day around the Secret Lair.

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Then again, sometimes more is more.

I contemplated ways to put a serious evening-long load on my new/old battery bank, and found myself instead re-writing the lyrics to Junkfood Junky to the new title Lightswitch Nazi. (In the day I spend like a sailor, just as … Continue reading

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Nothing to say and nothing to hear and nothing to see…

Which pretty much sums up where I am, blog-wise, the past couple of days. I took a little vaca from the Internet yesterday and went rock-wandering. I still have a pile of junk in my yard, stuff that probably isn’t … Continue reading

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We like that…

Every morning I come down the ladder, deal with LB’s insecurity issues, then take a hightech composition book down off the shelf and record certain bits of data, including indicated battery voltage. This morning’s voltage reading was…anomalous… Not a surprise, … Continue reading

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This is the sort of job I can put off for YEARS.

You might recall that back in December a neighbor invited me to haul off these four oldish 6-volt batteries. I was certain they were no good, and only picked them up to be neighborly. I figured sometime I’d find some … Continue reading

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Really? You guys still put up with that?

Well then, don’t forget to…whatever you’re supposed to do. I could never keep it straight, myself.

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I really hate cattle.

I got caught with my pants down. Hate when that happens. Stumbling along up the hill on my beaten path with the morning sun in my eyes, the coffee tank only half full, I heard the drumming of hooves. Cattle, … Continue reading

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It’s official. Irony itself has jumped the shark and been declared obsolete.

Then: Now: The American people and Members have a right to know the full impact of this legislation before any vote in Committee or by the whole House. Apparently self-awareness is also on its deathbed.

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I’ve been baking my own bread for six or seven years, and still think I need to take a bread-baking course.

Because I still make boneheaded mistakes, and keep making the same mistakes for months. Couldn’t figure out why my bread kept falling. Turned out I was just overproofing it, using up the little yeast beasts before the loaves even went … Continue reading

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Article titles that once required tinfoil headgear…

How to Tell if the CIA is Hacking Your Smart TV Reality is making life very difficult for parodists, I would imagine… h/t

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Is this evidence that there are aliens among us?

We need a serious discussion about who’s been birthing the other half.

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