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They say that Louis XIV had the inscription Ultima Ratio Regum cast into all the cannon of the French Army. It means “The Ultimate Argument of Kings,” and that always struck me as one of the most honest and up-front things any ruler or would-be ruler ever said. “We can dress it up prettier than this, but when it comes down to the unvarnished truth this is what it’s about: You’ll do as I say or I’ll send my goons to kill you.”
I thought about that for a long time. If there’s an ultimate argument, it seems only logical that there must be an ultimate answer. For years I thought the ultimate answer must be the bullets in my rifle, but it never seemed quite right. I’ve got bullets – he’s got frigging Cannon Balls. I mean, if there were three hundred million rifles throwing bullets at him, then maybe. But we all know that’s not going to happen. So if there’s an ultimate answer to his ultimate argument, it sure as hell ain’t bullets.
It finally came to me – and that’s when I abandoned the city and most of my stuff, and gave all that was behind me a good stiff Randian Shrug.
The ultimate answer to kings is not a bullet, but a belly laugh.
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Author Archives: Joel
Thanks to Landlady, I got my iPhone back fixed! And now I can go back to photographing everything in sight, because the past six weeks or so have taught me that it’s really AirDrop I miss. The iPhone is much … Continue reading
It’s September 10. Three days ago I spent the afternoon naked due to an unseasonable heat wave. This morning it’s 37o and I’m wrapped in layers and typing through gloves. I took a picture of the cool digital indoor/outdoor thermometer … Continue reading
When I ran into Neighbor L yesterday morning she said there was a ‘90% chance’ of rain forecast for yesterday. There being not a cloud in the sky visible through all the secondhand smoke I had my doubts. But the … Continue reading
…and to keep its second-hand smoke to itself. I mean I thought they were all into social distancing and stuff.
This guy is molotov cocktailing wrong – but at least he knows he can convalesce as the nation’s most popular meme for the next week or two – or anyway until the next political murder, which will be any minute … Continue reading
I’m not ignoring you, at least not as much as it seems. It’s just that every time I go near a computer the cell signal falls to nothing. Seriously, most times I can’t even check email lately. And that with … Continue reading
Yesterday I got a chance to visit the Palace of Food, the Safeway in the biggish town about 35 miles away. I get such a kick out of that place – nice to be reminded from time to time that … Continue reading
From the “People throw away the damndest things” department, I give you… …the closest to “cute” we’ve come so far. 🙂 Excellent timing: The last of the scrounged deck chairs had just about finished falling apart. The old table, knocked … Continue reading
August wasn’t a banner month for me to begin with, injuries always drop a bomb on my schedule, and the past two weeks have been kind of rough. What happened with Laddie depressed me more and longer than I expected; … Continue reading
Murphy’s Law of Social Trend Integration clearly states “When Joel joins a fad, the fad burned out days or weeks ago.” So yesterday I actually bought one of those dumbass masks that have been all the rage for the past … Continue reading
Okay, enter caveats: I have a paper right here showing that his mother and father were as married as dogs ever get so ‘bastard’ is wrong in every sense. And he was a Corgi officially christened “Sweet’n Soft’n Squishy,’ so … Continue reading
Alternate title: All I Did was Suggest Improvements. I don’t need this shit right now – I just got the loveliest email in response to the post below. I get the impression this is a person who pitched something in … Continue reading
Bloggers: Are you tired of unimaginative, ineffective, cookie-cutter spam ads in your inbox? Do you wish somebody would at least look at your damned blog before gracing you with an incoherent block of cut/n/pasted text half-assedly trying to sell you … Continue reading
Boy, I’ve spent five days in a bad place. Felt nearly normal on Saturday then had a maudlin Sunday and yesterday went into a banging rage over nothing. I was absolutely not ready for human company and no fun at … Continue reading
First of all, thank you very much for all the comments. I do appreciate it. For the record I know perfectly well that I did the right thing and what I blame myself for is making him suffer through six … Continue reading
It’s been well over twelve hours and I’m still having trouble processing last night. I’m going to write this now before the tequila I’ve lately been drinking starts processing brain cells. Rather than come up with a long original explanation … Continue reading
Though it might not break 100 today, we’re still sweating here at the Secret Lair. Torso Boy is not doing well. I don’t believe I’ve ever seen a dog go from apparently perfectly healthy to death’s door so quickly in … Continue reading
This is … fabulous. I’d say this will make Stephen Stills kill himself just so he can roll in his grave – except I’m told that’s him playing the guitar so what the hell do I know. I’m also told … Continue reading
I had my whole tale of woe outlined before I wrote the first word but the ending was weak and has been overcome by other matters already mentioned. Naturally the bad news was immediately followed by the hottest heat wave … Continue reading