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They say that Louis XIV had the inscription Ultima Ratio Regum cast into all the cannon of the French Army. It means “The Ultimate Argument of Kings,” and that always struck me as one of the most honest and up-front things any ruler or would-be ruler ever said. “We can dress it up prettier than this, but when it comes down to the unvarnished truth this is what it’s about: You’ll do as I say or I’ll send my goons to kill you.”
I thought about that for a long time. If there’s an ultimate argument, it seems only logical that there must be an ultimate answer. For years I thought the ultimate answer must be the bullets in my rifle, but it never seemed quite right. I’ve got bullets – he’s got frigging Cannon Balls. I mean, if there were three hundred million rifles throwing bullets at him, then maybe. But we all know that’s not going to happen. So if there’s an ultimate answer to his ultimate argument, it sure as hell ain’t bullets.
It finally came to me – and that’s when I abandoned the city and most of my stuff, and gave all that was behind me a good stiff Randian Shrug.
The ultimate answer to kings is not a bullet, but a belly laugh.
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Author Archives: Joel
Camera Bleg
Regular readers are probably tired of hearing this, but it is with great sadness I report that Official TUAK Camera #4 has bitten the dust. Yes, Camera #1, donated by Canadian Momma/Grey Lady, died early of dirt in the zoom … Continue reading
So yesterday it drizzled…
…all day. Without ever completely stopping. Never a trace of a shadow. And you know what that means, don’t you, off-gridders? No power tools for you. Which means no tiling the floor. Okay, yesterday was pretty much scheduled for domestic … Continue reading
Wow, that actually worked.
I have a one-gallon glass bowl, I think it was originally for an old mixer, that for several years I’ve used for the dogs’ water. It was a typical Joel’s-thing-that-holds-water, uncleaned since the Middle Pleistocene. This is only partially because … Continue reading
Here’s something I genuinely never knew about…
Bird Diapers. Yes. It’s true.
Okay, now he’s just sulking…
I got the backer board down to the tune of LB’s moping and getting in the way, swept off his bed outside and set it down where it belongs. “Go lay down” is a command he knows well – he … Continue reading
“Nope. Not moving.”
I’ve got the whole floor covered in backer board except LB’s corner, and whether he likes or or not that’s the plan for the first part of the morning. For the record, it’s “not.” After I’ve convinced him to move … Continue reading
“A Beginner’s Guide” from somebody who will never begin
Kentucky said, “This falls under the category of ‘All ya gotta do is . . .’” How to Live Off the Grid: A Beginner’s Guide Apparently all ya gotta do is buy a couple of gadgets. Most off-the-grid homes are … Continue reading
LB does not approve…
Little Bear likes his Lair just the way it is, and rather resents that he doesn’t get a vote about changes. I’m finally getting busy on the Lair’s floor – after putting it off for years – and poor LB … Continue reading
Okay, so maybe sometimes it’s best to leave the gun home…
Ohio Dental Patient Learns Mixing Nitrous and Guns Is No Laughing Matter A 72-year-old Ohio man learned this the hard way after accidentally shooting himself after receiving a dose of Nitrous oxide (also known as laughing gas) and reaching for … Continue reading
Housekeeping note:
I’m phasing out the old Yahoo address I’ve been using for TUAK correspondence. It’ll still work for a while, but if we regularly correspond please note there’s a change in the email addy posted at the “Send Joel Stuff” page. … Continue reading
Retrofitting plastic vents in steel Jerry cans
So a month ago I wrote a post complaining about these new gasoline cans I got for free from a generous reader, and in the course of comments somebody suggested maybe fitting them with plastic vent valves. It might interest … Continue reading
For Zelda: A heartwarming tale of rodent infanticide
So as I mentioned yesterday I’ve been cutting up lumber for winter firewood. This pile has been undisturbed since May, so of course it was infested with packrats. Packrats like piles of things. Pulling nails, unscrewing screws and then biting … Continue reading
Now I need a new official Secret Lair photo…
…because this one, taken only a few days ago, still has a satellite dish in it. But it does have the Lair’s new, improved power supply…
Note to self…
Never (Never! Never!) write a blog post bragging of how hi-tech you are, and then walk smugly away assuming all will henceforth be well. For Nemesis follows Hubris. Every. Single. Time. On the other hand…
Joel the High Tech
Yeah, I know. I should have dusted first. I can put a wi-fi router in a 12X16 space if I want to, no matter how senseless that may seem. Because freedom.
