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They say that Louis XIV had the inscription Ultima Ratio Regum cast into all the cannon of the French Army. It means “The Ultimate Argument of Kings,” and that always struck me as one of the most honest and up-front things any ruler or would-be ruler ever said. “We can dress it up prettier than this, but when it comes down to the unvarnished truth this is what it’s about: You’ll do as I say or I’ll send my goons to kill you.”
I thought about that for a long time. If there’s an ultimate argument, it seems only logical that there must be an ultimate answer. For years I thought the ultimate answer must be the bullets in my rifle, but it never seemed quite right. I’ve got bullets – he’s got frigging Cannon Balls. I mean, if there were three hundred million rifles throwing bullets at him, then maybe. But we all know that’s not going to happen. So if there’s an ultimate answer to his ultimate argument, it sure as hell ain’t bullets.
It finally came to me – and that’s when I abandoned the city and most of my stuff, and gave all that was behind me a good stiff Randian Shrug.
The ultimate answer to kings is not a bullet, but a belly laugh.
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Category Archives: Uncategorized
Me So Important…
Hey, I got another Headstamp Publishing editing gig! I’ve done two: The first was Ian’s first book, Chassepot To FAMAS, and the second the very entertaining Pistols of the Warlords. But that last was almost five years ago and I … Continue reading
It feels so damned decadent…
I have a refrigerator! It’s been almost exactly nineteen years since I moved here, all that time planning food around minimum or no refrigeration. And now I not only have a refrigerator with actual food in it, but I also … Continue reading
Collateral Damage…
Okay, so I washed clothes this morning, including the pants I wore all through last week’s battery adventure. I deliberately stuck to my oldest, most worn-out pants, because… …it would’ve been a miracle if this didn’t happen. When I loaded … Continue reading
Okay, now the Secret Lair has entered the 20th century.
Did a bunch of little things around the cabin today. Hauled off the old batteries to a place where they can sit without being in the way till I find a way to recycle them properly. Straightened up a few … Continue reading
New Batteries, Chapter 4: Done.
I was very interested to see what the opening voltage would be this morning… I took the picture in darkness because I was cheating a bit, and it wouldn’t focus. Still: Just a hair under 12.5 volts, which is a … Continue reading
New Batteries, Chapter 3: “You’re a gentleman and a scholar.”
This morning I disconnected the four batteries I put there in 2019 and dragged them out to the yard, replacing them with the six batteries I bought yesterday. There was some fiddling in between: I needed a larger tabletop but … Continue reading
New Batteries, Chapter 2: In which Uncle Joel lifts heavy things repeatedly
How it began: Yesterday I pushed 4 Rolls Surrette L16 batteries up a plank ramp and into the Jeep. It wasn’t daunting – exactly – but it did kind of point out that this past year’s indisposition has robbed me … Continue reading
Tomorrow’s the day!
Just got back from loading 4 extremely heavy Rolls Surrette L16 batteries – that have been cluttering up Ian’s yard for the past two years or so – into the jeep. Tomorrow I’ll use them as cores for my purchase … Continue reading
It happened on Saturday.
My first Christmas carol, in the drug store in the crappy little town nearest where I live. November 8, man. 🙁
Okay, so the helmet was a really good idea…
End of the first week in November and the temperature is in the mid-sixties before noon. Not a cloud in the sky, quite reasonable wind, and I have some packages waiting at the PO. So I took the bike. And … Continue reading
The moon was bright as a reading light…
Tobie and I went out at five for the first pee, and the full moon was so high and bright in the cloudless sky that I didn’t even need my headlamp. An hour later I looked out the kitchen window … Continue reading
“…And then I did something clever with it.”
I HATE when I do this. I was doing some stuff in the closet. Longtime readers know the Secret Lair has exactly one closet, built in 2017 with the bedroom addition. The addition is eight by sixteen, five feet of … Continue reading
Winter prep stuff…
When BB and I put a roof over the new front porch in 2019, at midsummer it became clear that I had one small problem. An hour before sundown, on the hottest days of the year when you’re really most … Continue reading
Hate when that happens…
Saturday morning. Getting ready for the weekly water run. I’ve got two empty 3-gallon water bottles and one with maybe a gallon left. So I take that bottle and I fill the ready-use drinking water pitcher, and the teapot. And … Continue reading
These two holsters are technically identical, but…
It’s that time of year, when the summer gear goes away and the winter gear starts gradually coming out. And this morning I got to obsessing about holsters. Because there’s something about my holsters that has always perplexed me. I … Continue reading
It’s time, Rocky.
It’s probably three weeks to a month before I break down and set up the woodstove, because I kind of hate the woodstove. But it’s time for… …my beloved bedroom heater. First I had to uncover the outside vent… I … Continue reading
Joel’s latest senior moment…
I’ve had some business I needed to do in town on a business day for two weeks. The weather socked in for several days: I tried getting out on Thursday but the road was so muddy I didn’t want to … Continue reading
Random moments in getting ready for winter…
Two mornings ago I woke up a little chilly, even though I was sleeping in a hoody under a quilt… And thought, okay, maybe it’s time to fire up the bedroom heater. But then I looked at the forecast, which … Continue reading
I’ve had this tab open on my ‘pooter for three days…
I have a pair of gloves that I really like. I bought them over a year ago. Wear them all the time. I’ve got other gloves I only wear on particular occasions but these are the gloves I’ll stuff in … Continue reading









































