For sins committed in his youth, Joel is condemned to forever wander the earth, an insufferable…

Light Switch Nazi!

Foreign Dispatch #2: The Enlightening

The people of this strange city behave as if electricity is generated bounteously in huge centralized facilities rather than frugally in sensible decentralized household systems as Rand (PBUH) intended. Why, our correspondent has observed overhead lights left on in unoccupied rooms, with no one guiltily sneaking in to shut them off muttering a ritual, “dammit, forgot.” He claims to have have actually – and he tells no lie, though we certainly accept that you will find this difficult to believe – seen lights shining in the outdoors! Not only MANY lights shining on paths of ingress and egress but actually illuminating the entrances to houses! As if to welcome the flesh-eating zombie collectivists and bureaucratic government functionaries whose existence these absurd practices must surely encourage.

Our correspondent speculates that there must be some sensible unseen purpose behind this display of profligacy – perhaps the would-be predators are being lured into range of cunningly hidden gun ports. He passed without pause, nodding politely to the assumed snipers to demonstrate his peaceful and non-intrusive intent.

ALSO: When entering a strange clime, it is tempting for the wanderer to reconsider the contents of his bat-belt. With the exception of reasonable considerations such as changing the style of one’s holster and knife to suit local customs, our correspondent suggests resisting this temptation and just going ahead with the full kit. For example…

“Where is the need,” our correspondent foolishly speculated, “for a multitool on a city street? Surely one could lighten one’s load to that small extent.”

Having learned his lesson the previous morning, however, about wandering unfamiliar territory without a proper belt flashlight, he more wisely chose to bring the tool along – only to be promptly rewarded for his foresight by his faithful dog Little Bear who made important new cactus-related discoveries on his very next walkie.

Our discreet observations continue.

About Joel

You shouldn't ask these questions of a paranoid recluse, you know.
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10 Responses to For sins committed in his youth, Joel is condemned to forever wander the earth, an insufferable…

  1. coloradohermit says:

    I’m so pleased to know that it’s not just me! Two of our neighbors here in town had massive Christmas light displays covering the whole fronts of their houses, and all I could think was “OMG what a waste of electricity!” 20 years off grid does that to you, and a year and a half back on grid doesn’t erase the habits, good, bad or indifferent. Although DH does seem to have recovered and has become quite blatant about leaving lights on in unoccupied rooms. Even knowing that leaving the lights on isn’t killing some mythical batteries, there’s still the unaccustomed concern for the bill. Set in our ways I guess.

  2. M Ryan says:

    As a guy who is on the grid (but desperately wants off) I’m frugal with power and heating to the point of getting the look and being spoken to by my lovely wife. The cost of heat and power are going nowhere but up thanks in part to my government’s obsession with the BS of climate change. I see some of the neighbors with so many lights they make the Griswolds jealous while I put up the bare minimum. Meh, it will all work out in the end.

    BTW I hope Little Bear’s discovery of cactus wasn’t too painful.

  3. Joel says:

    Little Bear has known about cactus all his life. In his own territory he knows what to avoid. But here there is an extraordinary variety of cacti, some of which seem to use their spines to reproduce as well as to deter grazers. He can be goofy but he’s usually wise about the important things: as soon as he got this clump on his paw he stopped and demanded assistance, which is what he’s supposed to do, so there was no damage or even apparent pain.

  4. kyle says:

    Haha joel i use something called mpower its my version of solar with batteries because I am at a family members house and when i shut the hallway light off to save energy my mother in law asked me why I shut the light off lol…. Also you are the best writer I love the correspondent “touch” you decided to use! Keeeeep em coming some of us need a little extra cheer in our lives and thank you for bringing it.

  5. kyle says:

    Oh and youth sins doomed.. Second day of the new year and somebody stole my motorcycle from the front driveway of the inlaws… Yeah im doomed shouldnt have taken those cookies when mom wasnt looking… Or could it be something else I did to deserve this… Maybe it was me thinking Im not in the ghetto my bike will be safe with out the lock…..

  6. Joel says:

    Ouch. My condolences.

  7. Sometimes when reading your blog I wonder if you’ve ever heard the song “Night Rider’s Lament” – like now. I’m not on my machine now that’ll do YooToob – but a search engine told me that there’s at least 3 versions of Jerry Jeff (Walker) covering it there – you might enjoy it…? Here’s just the lyrics – fwiw.

    They all must be crazy out there – it’s as simple as that.

    Back when my dog used to get into that Cholla he’d decide it was time for a wrestling match if I went to help him – or he’d hop around on the other legs until he’d shortly get into some more of it – then we’d have an even bigger match. At least he knew not to bite me – but all 90 pounds of him was a handful. Getting that stuff off of him and not getting into it myself was the challenge. The pliers are good for individual needles – a plastic pocket comb is good for lifting the clumps off – fwiw.

    Happy New Year – Joel.

  8. Joel says:

    Wow. PNO, I haven’t heard that song in so long I’d completely forgotten it. That could be the Gulch’s theme song much of the time.

  9. Anonymous says:

    As a ranch-living kid and again as a ranch-living adult, I most definitely claim that song. I see Spring on the Divide every year, watch for and say hello to the hawks and eagles, and get to sleep under the stars in suitable weather. The Aurora peeks down this way occasionally. And having roots in Lander, DuBois and Buffalo, and other bits of Wyoming, I don’t know if maybe I haven’t run into Chris somewhere. Wyoming is a small town spread out over a lot of land, after all. Colder than where you are, Joel, and high country, but beautiful. When I retire, that may be my choice for my final cabin. So I definitely claim that song as well. And now that I am listening to Chris’s songs, I find a lot of them are ranching songs. For all my years of city living, I am a ranch girl at heart. Or, at this stage, a ranch granny. :) **

  10. I have 4.3KW of tied in to the grid PV that powers my house by day, removed my electric bill and provides a tidy check of 100 bucks per month. So yea I leave the lights on in an effort to deter the EBTfueled thieves of the night. Moreover, the lights assist in the gathering of a clear sight picture.

To the stake with the heretic!