Have you ever had a strong negative reaction to something…

…you couldn’t testify you’d ever experienced?

I had a weird childhood. Much of it is lost to me, I just blanked it out. In general I know why I’m such a maladjusted mess, but the details are mostly gone.

And sometimes I see something that just…I dunno, makes my butt pucker for no reason I can put my finger on. And this, alas, is one of them…

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Don’t ask, I have no clue. It’s not just the tarpaper; the other sides are tarpapered and don’t bother me at all. When I tarpapered the whole cabin two years ago, that didn’t bother me.

It’s kind of the connection of the addition to the main cabin, but mostly I think it’s the relationship of that door with that window in that small structure. And also something about the colors. Something about the gestalt is – dare I say triggering? It reminds me of something. Something bad. Something old. Something I’ve forgotten.

I don’t know. If it doesn’t go away when the siding is up, it’ll go away when the whole thing is painted one color. Then the relationships will all be reshuffled. I hope. And if not, I’ll get over it.

Can I tell you a secret? I understand the concept of a “safe space.” It’s kind of a childish concept, but for all that not unimportant. It’s been trivialized in recent years with all the college bullshit but the notion of a place that’s just for you, a place where you can at least go to condition yellow once in a while, is precious to me. And maybe that’s all I should say about that. I’m not a victim, but I know how it feels to be hunted and helpless. And that’s exactly what the Secret Lair has always been to me – a safe space, almost a boy’s club complete with treehouse. The sort of thing I never had when I was a kid, and somehow never found as an adult until I moved to the desert.

And somehow or other that picture, that particular sight of the Lair at present … triggers me? How weird is that? Makes me wonder if I’m doing the right thing.

I need to get it sided and painted without delay.

About Joel

You shouldn't ask these questions of a paranoid recluse, you know.
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8 Responses to Have you ever had a strong negative reaction to something…

  1. Andrew says:

    Siding, a paint job, and fixing something more permanent for those rear steps will take the oogly-booglies out of your mind.

    I suspect you won’t be totally free of the mind-bugs until you get all the skirting installed.

    So far it looks really good. Much better than what I’ve seen from ‘professional’ builders.

  2. Robert says:

    You built it good- the construction and your head,

    “triggers me? How weird is that? ”
    Not weird at all. The fact that you’re aware of and can think rationally about it makes me think you’re in good shape.

  3. Kentucky says:

    Hey, it’s just incomplete and your brain isn’t satisfied with that. Silly brain, chill out. You have made the place you want out of the materials available to you with only a certain amount of outside assistance and will enjoy the relative luxury of essentially double the “safe space” available to you.

    Finish ‘er up and enjoy the fruits of your labors. Your head’s OK.

  4. Claire says:

    There is some creepy factor to that view, Joel. While I’m not having the same trigger reaction you are, it’s sort of a “mean white trash lives here” view, between the tarpaper, the mismatched sides, and the plain door. It’ll get better, but right now it speaks of cruel people lurking within (not YOU).

    I strongly suggest either painting a design on that door or putting some sort of raised decoration, signs, something. Yeah, I know it’s only the door to the chicken yard. But it’ll help. And the addition’s going to be great!

  5. jabrwok says:

    I strongly suggest either painting a design on that door or putting some sort of raised decoration, signs, something.

    I suggest a banjo! Keep away the riff-raff:-D.

  6. Joel says:

    Maybe a sign that says “You got a purty mouf?”

    Yeah, pass. I think I know those guys.

  7. Edward says:

    I realize you are using what is available and low cost, but that door looks like an interior door, not exterior rated. if that is the case I would recommend you find a sheet of scrap aluminum door size and glue it to the exterior face, also you could use a bristle lower door sweep to keep crawly things out. You could also use some of the thinner exterior plywood and if done with care and painted, no one will see the door from a distance. Otherwise it looks great.

  8. Joel says:

    Actually I believe it is an exterior door. Certainly it has a solid core. And yeah, there’ll be some sort of bottom sweep but first I have to finish installing the floor so I know how much of a gap I’m dealing with.

To the stake with the heretic!