Holiday Rules for the Hermit: Don’t be a Jerk.

A few days ago I got an invitation to come to Thanksgiving dinner with some neighbors. I don’t holiday much myself, but that’s not really a rule. “Don’t turn down free food,” now, that’s a rule.

“Nothing fancy,” said my neighbor over the phone. “We’re just having turkey pot pie, and cranberry sauce, and we’ve got some good ice cream for dessert.”

Then she added, kind of self-consciously, “We’ll understand if you get a better offer before then.”

And folks, I hesitated. I really did. Because if I took this offer I’d certainly honor it, I wouldn’t stiff them for a better one. Not even I can be that bad a dick. The problem was, my weekender neighbors S&L were likely to be up, and they often put on a hell of a feed. So a better offer wasn’t out of the question. And so for just a heartbeat or two I actually considered spinning the cylinder and playing Thanksgiving roulette.

Then I came to my senses. Don’t be a jerk: It’s not just a good idea, it’s the law. And karma rewarded me, since no better offer materialized.

And I’m glad, because as much as I like S&L – and as much as I enjoy indulging in their extravaganzas – these other neighbors are neighbors. They’ve had my back more often than I’ve had theirs, and other than Landlady and M I can’t think of anybody I’d rather break holiday bread with. So this afternoon I’m having turkey pot pie and good fellowship. And maybe I can even find some really fresh bread to contribute to the cause.

And I hope all of you enjoy your holiday as much as I expect to.