I guess it’s hunting season…

Things got off to an unusually busy start this cold December morning with a call from New Full-time Neighbor L*: “Mom and I were just going out to the car when four guys in a pickup drove right up to the house. They said they were lost. Now I’m guiding them out to the road, but it’s freaking me out. What to do?”

I told her to stay in the car and on the phone, not adding that the Jeep is an inch-deep in frost and might even be reluctant to start so I wouldn’t be making any very quick trips. Pulled on my snowmobile gloves and ran out to scrape the windshield and start the engine.

Wasn’t too worried because I’m pretty sure it’s deer hunting season and people** do sometimes get lost out here. Hell, I did it myself on my second visit. I told her one late night I had a car full of Mormon missionaries in my yard, had to get dressed and guide them out. Sooner or later they get desperate enough to find a live person and confess their problem – though I confess a truckload of rough-looking guys is not to be taken lightly. L was, no doubt, completely unarmed.

So she made it to the county road and the truck turned the other way and wasn’t following L and her mom any more, and I came down off DEFCON 2. The Jeep was already warming up, so LB and I went for a quick walky and then a nice Jeep ride to check S&L’s house – Yeah, I promised in case the bad men doubled back – close her driveway gate and go check the chickens at Landlady’s.

And now the cabin’s nice and warm, the batteries are nearly charged (at 9 AM with the ‘pooter going!) and I’ve got some keyboard work to do, having already finished the chicken, dog and neighbor chores. It’s the first of the month, so later when it warms up a bit I’ll go check electrolyte levels on neighborhood batteries.

*Can’t have two Neighbors L. I’m even confusing myself. Need a new designator here.

**Damned tourists.

About Joel

You shouldn't ask these questions of a paranoid recluse, you know.
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12 Responses to I guess it’s hunting season…

  1. M Ryan says:

    Joel just call the new neighbor Ell. Simple, no? I’m glad that the issue came to naught.

  2. Zelda says:

    “scrape the windshield” – have you tried the windshield cover that is held in place by magnets, or even a piece of heavy plastic held on with your own magnets, plastic ties, whatever? Flatten the plastic against the glass under the wipers (if the rats haven’t eaten the wipers as well as the wires) before anchoring it. There’s also a windshield ice and frost preventer spray, first saw it used in Yellowstone on park vehicles and it does work. You put it on before the frost is expected but it can also be sprayed on frost and ice to melt it. If you have working wipers your windshield wiper fluid will also melt frost/ice and light snow. Well, the heavy duty stuff I use does.

  3. anonymous says:

    I’ve read that wiping a cut onion on glass prevents ice from forming, but I live too far south to test that out.

  4. Kentucky says:

    Zelda, the question always develops, what does one do with a frozen stiff plastic windshield cover if one can even get it off the windshield. If you try to fold it, it will surely crack or even break, so you can’t stuff it inside the vehicle. Lay it on the ground? Take it inside and let it thaw out and drip all over the place?

    Same thing only worse with the plastic whole-car covers.

  5. Malatrope says:

    The neighbor naming problem is simple, just take a tactic from physics: L and L’, pronounced “Ell” and “Ell-prime”.

  6. coloradohermit says:

    We’ve had that happen out at the forest house when some lost hunters approached the house, in the dark, with their guns in hand. Stupid mistake!!! We’ve also a few times had some lost horseback riders come by, but apparently the dude ranch they came from gave them instructions about how to safely approach lunatic hermits who live in the forest.

    So, have you convinced the new L that she should be armed and scheduled her for lessons??

  7. Joel says:

    That she should be armed against animals, yes. Armed against people, apparently not quite so much. Also, lessons are proving a hard sell.

  8. Zelda says:

    Kentucky, the plastic used for serious quality windshield covers doesn’t get stiff and frozen, nor does the plastic in heavy duty contractor or other large trash bags, at least not where I live. When you take it off you just shake off the frost/ice/snow and fold/roll it up, toss it somewhere. My 6 mil greenhouse plastic also does not get stiff and frozen – I shake or brush or knock the snow and ice off as needed. After about 3 years constantly outside at high altitude it does get brittle even though it is supposedly UV stabilized. “Stabilized” apparently doesn’t mean forever. Plastics are all different, whether it is ignorance or for profit some sold for a particular purpose aren’t suited for that purpose. All you can do is ask for your money back if you buy something that fails to perform.

  9. Ben says:

    You know Joel, it’s easy for us folks to think up projects for you from the comfort of the space in front of our video screens. That said, did you ever think of planting some unobtrusive and unlabeled markers so you folks don’t have to physically accompany lost souls? That way, you could tell folks to (for example) “Go to the wash crossing and then follow the black arrows” to the nearest county highway.

  10. Joel says:

    The idea has occasionally occurred to me, Ben. But then the signs would have to be maintained, and the situation doesn’t come up all that often.

  11. Mark Matis says:

    Yeah, but you could always just make those signs point out into the REAL boondocks, and if any of them ever survive, they’d make sure nobody asked you for directions ever again…

  12. Joel says:

    Right. I’m gonna tell four guys with elk rifles they should just follow these signs that will strand them a million miles in the desert. Better hope none of them survive…

To the stake with the heretic!