At what point does he ponder that his armor and shield are plastic, that his principal weapon is a stick and his backup weapon contains far fewer bullets than there are potential enemies? Like ancient Greek hoplites – I imagine he has been taught – his principal protection lies not in his weapons but in the shield of the man to his right. But our cop drinks beer with that guy. He knows damn well he’ll be the first to break and run. I imagine our cop wishing for some grenades, or at least an M4 and a bunch of loaded magazines. But all he has is his stick.
And again there’s a herd of f*&%ing cattle in my yard, knocking stuff down and shitting on everything. I advance against them with my mighty stick. Most of them turn and run but one stands there, presenting her flank. Is she defying me, or just waiting to be fed and told what to do? Is there a bull I haven’t seen, waiting in the sage brush? We’re about to find out.
I advance on her, all too aware that my “spear” is just a toy, made of a cheap pine paint pole. If I need it it’ll snap like a matchstick. I find myself wishing with real fervency for a genuine spear. Having no notion where I’d get an oak or hickory broom handle, I think maybe nylon string and epoxy would be an improvement. But it won’t help me now.
The last cow in the herd breaks and runs. No contact required. Again. This time.
Honestly, the things you find yourself doing, the weird holes you find in your preps. At no time during my Mr. Suburban Man phase did I ever think I’d be clutching a spear before breakfast, seriously wishing for a better spear.
Perhaps an investment in strings of firecrackers would not be amiss.
That would be fun, but it’s what I use the Mak for.
Though throwing a firecracker string under the hooves of a belligerent bull might be more useful than firing a gun 10 yards away, now I think of it…
The wisdom of tossing firecrackers under a bull might hinge on which direction said bull decides to run.
As for your spear shaft, why not a length of cheap EMT electrical conduit?
Your area has tons of Juniper, doesn’t it? If so, historically a good bow wood, but also a hardwood that could be used to make shafts…
The thought has occurred to me. As it happens, I have lots. But I’d have to do something different with the spearhead, since the one I have is threaded to go on a broom handle or paint pole. At that point it all gets too complex and I wander off to read a book or something.
czechsix, you must be thinking of some different sort of juniper. Alligator juniper cracks and splits as it cures, and is rarely straight enough to make a good corkscrew, let alone a spear shaft. Might be why the ancients who lived here used atlatl darts rather than bows.
You should rename your blog “The Journal of Theseus” or “Against the Minotaur”. Can you blast them with a BB gun? That would work here, to run them off, but I suspect the cattle out your way are completely different beings in contrast to “Bossie” here.
Any good yucca in the area? The old, dried flower stalks are strong and lightweight. They are also easily carved to fit in the spearhead socket, and then you could glue it in.
“I’d be clutching a spear before breakfast, seriously wishing for a better spear”
The way things are going, that might be the new normal for a lot of us trying to get breakfast.
The thought of you having to go up against a herd of cattle armed with a home made spear puts the occasional run in with a neighbor’s dog in perspective. I’m starting to think a spear may not be the best tool for this job. Rather a firefighter’s pike pole. The handle is very sturdy and the pike is duel purpose, it can serve to intimate the cows and when there are things that need to come down from places out of reach or things you simply have to take down the hook can pull them towards you or pull them apart.
The pike poles I used while serving as a fire fighter were a longer than this but for a few bucks this might do the trick.
https://www.amazon.com/Nupla-SPDH-4A-I-Beam-Aluminum-Length/dp/B004UMJZA0/ref=sr_1_26?s=industrial&rps=1&ie=UTF8&qid=1495819538&sr=1-26&keywords=Pike+Pole&refinements=p_85%3A2470955011
Would someone get Uncle Joel a Spear
Well, there’s this:
https://www.amazon.com/Root-Cutter-Mutt-Heavy-Scraping/dp/B00AFMN2AS/ref=pd_bxgy_86_img_2/131-7564489-5675060?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=B00AFMN2AS&pd_rd_r=3EFNH9Y1GN9M2D3X4PF1&pd_rd_w=MkCA2&pd_rd_wg=rvxuV&psc=1&refRID=3EFNH9Y1GN9M2D3X4PF1
*Heavy Duty Scraping Tool
*Drop Forged Blade
*Sharpened Cutting Edge
*With American Made Ash Wood Handle
*Perfect for Root Cutting, Ice Breaking,Scraping and Many Other Usages
Mine has a 5 1/2 foot handle, more than 2 inches thick.
Stay safe
I vote for a paint ball gun. Wouldn’t it be a hoot to have a herd of multi colored splotchy cattle roaming the desert?
Why not invest in a slingshot? Getting too close to critters consisting of one-half a ton of bone and muscle, wrapped around one-half an ounce of brain, is just silly.
You can order a decent spear shaft from Atlanta Cutlery or other martial arts supply store. I would go with an 8′ shaft if you can, but go at least 6′.
Problem is, the joint between the spear point and the painter pole is going to be the weak spot. That lash-up is great for hunting dillos, possums or other small to medium sized critters, and for agitating and intimidating larger animals, but I doubt it would work well in an actual conflict with a cow.
Good luck.
Cattle prod?
Concur, SteveD.
Try the slingshot – that way the cow will have to come over to where you are to stomp all over you. Improve on your pointy stick and you may wind up having to use it – at pointy stick range.
No need to penetrate the hide if you’re just wanting to move it along – just a 1/2″ roundish rock at low velocity to the butt or flank – even just nearby. They’ll want to move away from the source – or come over and stomp you. No harm in being 50′ away when that happens vs being 5′ away.