I’d blame it on being an absent-minded old man…

…except I’ve always done stupid shit like this.

I’m feeding the neighbors’ horses twice a day while they’re out of town, so I need to be out of the Lair by 5:30 in the blessed AM. The boys think this is great. (They think it’s less great that the evening chicken-tending Jeep ride has been pushed back an hour, but whatever.) So I’m in a muzzy precaffeinated state, trying to find shirt, hat, gun and get them placed in/on the appropriate places while Little Bear prances in place (“Come on come on come on what are you waiting for?”) and then I can’t find my sunglasses.

Ian jokes these days that before my cataract surgery he always thought I was a really tough guy because I never wore dark glasses in the desert sun. Turns out I was just going blind. Now I can barely stand to leave the Lair without cheaters. And clipping dark lenses on my glasses has become such an invariable part of Daddy’s leaving ritual that LB can hardly believe we’re going anywhere unless I do it.

But I can’t find them. I can’t find them anywhere. Gah! I hate it when I do this! I know I brought them home because my last stop yesterday evening was at Ian’s Cave to drop off eggs, and I forgot them there and had to go back and get them. So no doubt I came home, took them off and absently put them somewhere really clever and now I may never see them again. Well, it’s not quite six in the morning: Tough it out, tough guy.

So I go do the horse thing, come home, pour coffee and boot up the book. But now it’s really bugging me: Where did I put those damned things? I know I brought them home. The Lair isn’t that big, how can I be so constantly losing things in it?

Did I leave them in the powershed? That’s a possibility, I was in and out of there last evening and it’s dark. But I don’t think so. I get up and start inventorying the shelves again. Sunglasses! It’ll be weeks before I can get another set. I’ve got my Joe Cool shades, but the luster is off those since I got my new specs and can actually see clearly. I want my clip-ons. Now I won’t get a damned thing done until I find them.

Then providentially a clear memory emerges. After feeding the dogs I went to check on my own chickens. The pullets have started sporadically laying eggs but they’re not all clear on the concept of a nest box. They like to spend the heat of the day under their coop. So I got on my knees to check under there for eggs. But it’s dark under there, so I unclipped the shades and…

I got up, went outside, and walked around back to the Fortress of Attitude. And sure enough, right on the metal roof of the coop where any gust of wind could have blown them into such an obscure place only an archeologist would have found them, were my precious clip-ons.

Absentmindedness sucks. I don’t recommend it at all.