No sooner had I finished the post below than Tobie and I heard another engine in the wash. I thought at first maybe Neighbor S had come back, but no…
…a big old white pickup was coming from the opposite direction, and I watched it sort of split the difference where the wash forks and get itself stuck in the sand.
And at first I thought, “It’s some wayward tourist following what he thought were random tracks, and he got flustered when it turned out to be a possibly hostile hermit’s driveway.”
If only. It was so much worse than that.
I waited to see if he’d get himself unstuck, and when it was clear the answer was no I got in the Jeep and went to see how I could help. And that right there was Uncle Joel’s big mistake for the month of July, possibly for all 2024.
I have often meditated on the difference, practical or otherwise, between “redneck” and “white trash.” My extended family could certainly be called redneck-adjacent, at least in certain branches, and I don’t object to the title. I use it myself. I like to think of rednecks generally as decent, independent, hard-working folks of a rural tradition who may or may not have regular cash jobs but who haven’t strayed far from the hunter/gatherer mindset.
But there’s no denying that one variety of Homo Redneckius is not the sort of person you want getting their piece-of-shit pickup stuck at your door, lest they decide you’re their friend and benefactor forever and ever. And I’m familiar enough with the type to know one at first whiff.
And I do mean whiff – it was maybe 8:30 on Sunday morning and this guy was clearly plastered – and getting steadily more so, as the beer in his hand testified. In our far-too-long interval together he scarcely ever spoke a coherent sentence. Unfortunately this was no lost tourist: This guy lives not far from here and I did not want him thinking of me as a friend.
Okay: So I want this guy unstuck and gone ASAP. This turned out to be far more difficult than I hoped. Oh, I got him unstuck. But then I went to lead him back to the road, and in turning around in a too-narrow part of the wash…
…he got so very stuck. And his 4-wheel-drive wasn’t working. And apparently his steering wasn’t either, because “Turn your wheels to the left” meant nothing. He wanted to know why the Jeep was physically incapable of dragging his truck sideways when his rear wheels were dug to the axle and his hard-to-the-right front wheels were snowplowing him deeper yet, and I gave up while the Jeep still had a functioning transmission.
Okay, so there was nothing for it but to drive this guy – and his adorable dog, who thought all this was the greatest adventure ever – home. Supposedly he has a friend with a powerful truck who’ll be able to get him unstuck. I did warn him about Monsoon: If he doesn’t move his truck before the next time the wash runs, it’ll be part of the scenery forever.
And then I drove him home. Before we could leave, he unloaded a large heavy cooler from the shotgun seat and loaded it into the rear of the Jeep. We weren’t even out of the wash when he asked me to stop a minute: He needed another beer.
And I was unsurprised at where he lives…
There’s this one road I have named in my mind the “avenue of the ne’er-do-wells,” and nothing good ever seems to come of the inhabitants thereof. And I didn’t even have to ask if this drunken loser lives on it. I’m not any sort of Karen or tea-totalling bluenose, do what you want with your own life, Homer. But oh how I hate it when I end up involved. Brings back too many memories of people who you try to help out of one jam only to have them screw themselves into your flesh like leeches…
I hope this isn’t one of those “no good deed goes unpunished” experiences.
Way back on April 17, 2024 you wrote a post about a late night visitor prowling around your little rifle range on an ATV. Please tell me this wasn’t the same guy.
Definitely not the same guy.
Sadly there is a long time rule that has been with us since the dawn of man and that is to stay away from idiots.
Yes I understand many of us have the “good neighbor” gene but people do not learn from mistakes if they are bailed out repeatedly. Dumb enough to get stuck, his problem to get unstuck and having to lug a cooler would have been a good lesson.
Let me know if that tow rope does not get returned, might be able to get another one. IIRC that was the 4 inch wide yellow strap with steel triangle at one end
Damn, Joel. Even in the ass-end of nowhere, they find you. Best of luck.
Any chance you could reclaim your strap before he returns with nis buddy?
I’ve noticed with “certain people”, after you help or assist them, it triggers something in their brain. They see you as an endless (Free) resource.
Helped a neighbor assemble her bed frame, take mattress off the floor.
Very next morning she sees me and asks if I have a cell phone charger she can use. I mentioned the Walgreens a block away, kept walking.
Joel, both me and my dog will say a prayer for you tonight. Crazy 🤪 s. Easy and idk it ever hope to meet that. My dog and I also want to wish co dolenc s to at least one neighbor you have seemed to have lost. Peace out criend
What size Yankum rope would you prefer:
https://yankum.com/
If you’re going to tow ’em, might as well remove their bumper or front suspension!
Wow, that looks nice! I’ll remember it if I don’t recover my tow strap. But I still have a wan hope of getting my own back at some point.
Where do you find all these nice things, MM? I mean, ‘on the Internet,’ of course, but…
“Millenial Farmer” was the original source on the Yankum ropes, recovering an 18 wheeler that had inadvertently wandered into a ditch near their farm. And Duckduckgo was able to work with “yeankem ropes” as a search.
Check out “Matt’s Off Road Recovery” for much use of the Yankums.