It’s always a pit bull.

Duke before the after-action report…

Duke AFTER the after-action report.

Claire, in her never-ending quest to get my mornings off to an angry start, posts a link to what appears to be an unusually horrifying puppycide.

“The dog hadn’t even barked, yet I heard one of them say, he’s aggressive, shoot him! I’ll never forget the sound of that gunshot and the blood flying everywhere. They did all this while forcing me to lay on the bathroom floor, screaming at me to stay down, and holding me at gunpoint. I couldn’t get up if I wanted to. I’m 75 years old, had three strokes and knee replacement, and can hardly walk. There was nothing I could do to help my pet.”

Unfortunately, Duke died a slow death.

“They shot him with a shotgun in such a manner that he ran around in pain and bled all over the house and suffered a slow, cruel death. There was no reason for this kind of treatment, they killed my dog for no reason. This was the sweetest and most gentle animal anyone could want, I would trust him with a baby.”

The article was not, it must be confessed, the most even-handed treatment of a police raid I’ve ever read. It sounded absolutely terrible, but you can make a father bathing his infant daughter look like pedophilia if you’re the only one who gets to present the information. I’m curious about such things, so I linked around and found this equally unbiased account.

During the warrant search, one of the first men through the door was an animal lover, confronted by an angry pit bull. (Gee, go figure, alleged drug dealers with a pit bull). The dog reportedly was doing what it was trained to do, protect. The officer made a quick decision to protect himself and fellow officers and a shot was fired. The whole crew felt bad about the shooting.

Sitting here in my secret bunker deep beneath the Southwest desert, I have no idea which account is most nearly accurate. I do know that the one that thinks the raid was an absolutely wonderful thing describes the heinous crime being prevented thusly:

For some time police have been monitoring the house for drug activity. Actually, State Police located 60 marijuana plants on the property last year, but could not directly link them to anyone living in the residence. This year, not only could police link the residents to the marijuana growing operation, but plants and growing paraphernalia were reportedly found within the residence.

Police seized over 100 plants and growing materials and are awaiting the drying and weighing of the plants to make warrant arrests.

So…no basement full of Asian virgins forced into prostitution? No human sacrifices? No refrigerator stocked with dismembered babies? Just a disabled little old lady and some forbidden plants. And a dog, of course. Which was either the sweetest critter that ever obsessively licked your face or the most horrifying “pit bull” that ever ate it off your head, but which was definitely neither harming nor threatening anyone before the Forces of Law and Order blasted their way in and jacked the old lady to the floor. Good day’s work there, guys.

No matter which account is most nearly true, both point out quite clearly that on any average day you’re in a lot more danger from the good guys than from the bad ones.