So Friday morning the boys and I are over at J&H’s, right? And shit-shoveling was over, except it wasn’t because I still had to fill up the Jeep trailer. That was okay, though, because it didn’t rain all week and so I was just dealing with a trailerful of horseshit rather than heavy mud. So really it was just one of those workouts that feel pretty good as long as it’s not too hot. But I’m digressing already, and haven’t even started the story.
The other thing that was happening was that Darrel the Former Cop had brought his tractor over to break up a big troublesome pile of dead, twisted, half-buried juniper that’s been there since his land was cleared maybe ten years ago. It’s a mess, and has become an attractive nuisance for rattlesnakes. So I’m working over here, and DtFC is working over there, and life is productive if unusually noisy. DtFC hauled off a load to somewhere, and when he came back he drove the tractor up to where I was working and turned off the engine.
“I heard a funny story about you,” he said.
That’s not the sort of sentence that should really stir many complex emotions, but you’d have to understand some backstory. DtFC and I have a sort of history that goes back several years now. We’ve never been friends, we’ve never been open enemies, but he’s aware that his previous mode of employment was a problem for me. He was aware of it back then, and he could be kind of a dick about it. And maybe sometimes I was a dick right back, couldn’t say. I didn’t actually sic Fritz on him that one time, but I can’t claim to look back on the KopKruncher incident with any real displeasure. Since his forced retirement he has gone to some lengths to be more friendly and I have tried to reciprocate, but the notion of Darrel hearing ‘funny stories about me’ wasn’t as instantly heartwarming as you might think.
I leaned on my shitfork and wiped my brow. “So what’s this funny story?”
“[A mutual acquaintance] was chasing a dirtbiker off his property a few days ago, right? And he said, ‘what’s with you people? The last time, this crazy old sonovabitch chased after me in a yellow Jeep, shooting at me with a pistol!'” Darrel smiled at me, as if encouraging me to share my half of the funny story.
“Well,” I said slowly, “I’ve had a talk with a trespasser or two, and I was wearing a gun at the time. But I never unholstered it. Certainly never fired it. So I’d have to say that guy’s making up a story, and I don’t think it’s all that funny.” I didn’t mention that the last time I had a problem with a dirtbiker – could have been the same guy – I did set the dogs loose on him. But I didn’t chase him with the Jeep, and certainly didn’t fire on him. “Nope. Not guilty, officer.” And with that I went back to my shit shoveling.
And it should have been just one of those conversations. You know, two pickups stop in the middle of the road while one guy shares an anecdote with another guy. Happens all the time. Except that’s not the way it feels, and I wish I could tell whether the alarm bells in my head are just my neuroses talking to me or a real warning about a real problem. I’d have lived a more trouble-free life if I could tell those two things apart.
EEgads… This doesn’t seem like a totally innocent encounter to me. If this guy has an ax to grind, that sort of stupid fairy tale could be used to cause you all sorts of problems. I’d say trust your gut response that the alarm is genuine, and take whatever evasive action is possible. I have no idea what that might be, of course.
Here’s hoping it was just some sick X cop humor on his part…
Those sort of feelings usually appear for very good reasons.
Question is, is the dirt biker spreading exagerated BS (If so he probably has a local reputation for it already)?
or is the ex cop trolling you, in the sadistic, parasitic, childish, bullying sort of way that seems to be too common amongst cops?
In which case your reaction of nonchalence was perfect,
any deeper triggering was also appropriate, just as it would be if a rattlesnake had slithered over your foot (the meat one).
A more prosaic observation – winter is coming – you couldn’t salvage the juniper for firewood? or smoking meat or fish? or toasting marshmallows? Juniper flavored marshmallows are really good.
My hunch is that your alarm bells are very finely tuned by now and your concern is valid. So far so good in your response, but it seems likely that encounter is not the end of the story.
I think the operative term here is “Former Cop”. Where I come from, that means “Not A Cop”.
Perhaps you shouldn’t hold his former job against him so much. In any case, I wouldn’t lose any sleep.
A scorpion gotta be a scorpion and a leo gotta be a leo.
The funny story smells like total B.S. because there’s no way that if you ran someone off with shots fired he wouldn’t call the cops, unless he had warrants out.
I have a few retired friends that have worn the badge and are good guys but trust them with things I am doing ‘outside the box”… not in this life. One thing I have learned over the years through several conversations with former cops is that there is no such thing as a former cop. Police (current and former) have a “care of duty” which means if they see or learn of something unlawful and don’t report it they are in trouble if found out. The old proverb is right… For three people to keep a secret two of them must be dead.
The reply is, “Nope wasn’t me, I wouldn’t have missed” and back to work. The excop will spend days thinking about it.
see or learn of something unlawful and don’t
misprision of felony (sic)
It’s Arizona. I mean the Arizona not near Tucson. The worst thing that could lead to, if it were a floating tale and made it to usual LEO ears would be to think poorly of you for missing or for issuing warning shots.
I actually had a cop in Phoenix tell me to cap the junkie who came a knockin a 0 dark thirty and insisted that some other jackass said he was cool and I should sell him drugs.
I’m not now nor ever was a dealer.
I didn’t know who the person he claimed offered his alleged references was.
No one pounding on my door at 3AM, seeking, is in any way “cool”.
I finally made a display of the 92F that was in hand out of sight as I was talking through a closed window at him; he left, made threats and I called the meat patrol in case he came back and I needed a record.
The PD type told me that they get one stern “go away” and if they outright refuse…BOOM!
Seems the various cops in AZ like having their jobs made on crack head less bothersome by the citizenry.
Orrrrr…the cop just wanted to take me for a murder charge….who knows.
My lawyer has his doubts about how valid that sentiment is even coming from a cop……then again, that jackass grew up in San Francisco.
M J RM/b>,
“I have a few retired friends that have worn the badge and are good guys but trust them with things I am doing ‘outside the box”… not in this life.”
And that’s part of why I don’t really do the freedomista thing anymore.
“One thing I have learned over the years through several conversations with former cops is that there is no such thing as a former cop. Police (current and former) have a “care of duty” …”
Maybe in your neckadawoods, but in the USA:
Current: True. Unless the crime was committed by another cop, or someone with the proper political connections.
Retired: Possibly. Some retirees drawing the pension keep police powers. See above.
Former: Nope; no more so than anyone else (bearing in Mike’s observation about general “duty” to report crimes — funny how the little people have a “duty” to help the cops, but the courts maintain that cops have no duty to help us).
[looks up] Hate it when that happens.
It might of been a warning that,some of the trespassers you are diverting might make trouble and be out to get you. I have had similar warnings from coworkers I wasn’t truly trustful of in the past. Reminded me to be careful and have contigencies.
I hate shit like this. Some asshole tells a trumped up story so his life looks more exciting, and some innocent man, in return, gets to be harassed by law enforcement for something he didn’t do.
Depends on DtFC’s attitude about his employment. If it was “just a job” you’re probably okay. But if it was a “true calling” and he thinks he’s a sheepdog there to protect the sheep, who got a raw deal from a bureaucrat lietenant and lost his job, he may very well contact the locals about it and you may get a visit.
If you do, just be cool. Remember, don’t be a dick.
“I think the operative term here is “Former Cop”. Where I come from, that means “Not A Cop”.”
Of course, that also usually includes “has friends who are still cops”. Consider for a moment this possible conversation:
Cop friend of DtFC: “Hey, DtFC, I hear you’re going to be out around J&H’s place this week, right?
DtFC: Yeah. I’ll be clearing some brush.
Cop: Doesn’t Joel do work for them?
DtFC: Yeah.
Cop: We’ve heard some rumors that he’s been chasing and shooting at folks, but the sources are folks that won’t hold up in court without some kind of corroboration. You think maybe you could chat with him, maybe get him to say something incriminating?
DtFC: Sure. I’ll see what I can do.
Former cops often like to think they’re still cops. Tread with caution, and admit nothing – even if you think there’s no crime.
I’m tellin’ you, it’s Arizona. They’ll make fun of Joel for not perforating the asshole. If things have not changed substantially in that area since the last I was there, it’s populated by people the cops would rather just ignore(Joel and the other merry bunch in his circle) or see dead outright(trespassing dirt bikers who are probably also part of the local meth research contingency.
In that same area(well…not real far away) Jeff Cooper had to literally BEG local cops to shoot him. That was after YEARS of direct threats leveled at them.
I wouldn’t get all pantiesinabunch™ over it.
There’s no such thing as a “former” cop. I know this is hard to remember, especially when approached casually, but NEVER TALK TO A COP. Casually, undercover, etc. is their favorite way to garner information. Tip your hat, wave aloha and carry on with your business. You don’t have to be polite and you don’t have to respond to people you don’t like. Life’s too short. I swear I need it tattooed somewhere visible at all times.