A quote from Tam (who’s blogging again though unfortunately not permitting comments) regarding that guy who climbed the White House fence …
A Spyderco pocket knife… “He’s from Texas, honey,” I yelled at the television, startling the cats, “That’s not ‘armed’, that’s ‘dressed’, you island-dwelling herbivore!”
Jesus, you cud-chewing Eloi, how do you people open packages? With your teeth, like an animal?
Then she went on a riff about those impenetrable anti-shoplifting packages certain gadgets come in, which reminded me of an anecdote: A few months ago I bought a new multitool, and one of the tools on it was perfectly unfamiliar to me. So much so that I needed to risk my man card by actually consulting the instructions…
It’s a hooked blade designed for opening the above-mentioned impenetrable packages. Unfortunately the multitool came inside one of those very packages, so I had to hack it open with my pocket knife. Which I could do, because I was dressed.
And courtesy of Failure to Fire comes what will probably be the most tasteless thing you’ll hear today. I laughed. Guiltily, but out loud.
And here’s a funny picture I swiped at Sipsey Street.
Tom Leahrer (however its spelled) eat your heart out. I’m not sure how long it takes after the first symptoms start, for “the packaging” to open up, making that task much easier.
Yeah, I got this at the hospital the other day when i checked in for my most recent “procedure.”
I have a CRKT with a 2.5″ blade on a belt clip that carry for opening packages and such. The nurse chided me for bringing an “edged weapon” onto hospital property, and asked that I not bring it next time I come.
It took me a second to figure out which “weapon” she was talking about.
Most of these folks have no idea of how many “edged weapons” surround them in every exam room, much less “blunt objects, bludgeons, and suffocatory weapons”. They’d fucking melt down if they understood the carnage a 6′-4″ tall guy like me could wreak with just an office chair.
I laughed at her and told her that my little pen knife was obviously not a weapon so much as a tool, and that it was only a weapon if I decided to use as one, just like the chair she was sitting in, or the scalpels and hypodermic in the drawer right there. She clucked and let the room.
It makes me wonder how these people sleep at night. I mean, their neighbor could drive his car right into their bedroom at any moment. Or meteors. Jesus, don’t bring up meteors.
“It makes me wonder how these people sleep at night. I mean, their neighbor could drive his car right into their bedroom at any moment. Or meteors. Jesus, don’t bring up meteors.”
I LOL’ed. 😀 Thanks.
Just glad to be here at this point, Tam. You’re welcome.
Still a favorite story of mine…
A while back, my wife, our oldest daughter (middle and youngest had yet to make themselves known as a gleam in her mommas eye) and I were down in Jacksonville Florida visiting a friend of ours. While we were down there the friend had planned to have her daughters birthday party so we could celebrate with them. At the party were various late 20 somethings to early 30 something parents, and an assortment of 2-5 year old children. Near the end of the party, the friend was opening a blister pack encased toy and turned to one of her friends who was local and asked
“You have a knife right?”
He gave her a disgusted look like she’d asked “Do you kick puppies to get your rocks off?” and answered “Why on earth would I have a knife on me?!?!?!”
At which point I unclipped my knife from my pocket clicked it open, flipped it around in my hand to present it to her handle first and turned to him smiling and saying “In case a lady asks for one of course”.
She started laughing, hit me on the shoulder and said “God I miss Michigan men”
Ebola Polka: Worst thing I’ve heard in months. I listened all the way through to make sure and had to share it.
“not armed, dressed” Best thing I’ve heard all week.
Goober: I’m wearing a scrub top right now, and the medical advertising pen in my pocket is pretty stout with a metal ferrule; I should turn myself in to the authorities. Why would I ever not wanna have a knife with me? Idiots.
The Ebola Polka was so erm
that I sent it for a second opinion.
I now have that second opinion: It’s quite catchy.