News talkers gotta talk news…

(EDITORIAL NOTE: The staff and management of TUAK wish to interject that Joel is not suggesting that hurricane winds are no big deal. True hurricane winds are a very big deal. Also stunning and brave. But “sustained wind of 31 mph, gusting to 50” is not a hurricane. We’re not even sure that’s a gale. Thank you.)

I get such a kick out of local broadcast news talkers. They have been praying for a Florida-scrubbing natural disaster for over a week. But Dorian, the insensitive bastard, paused over land, lost strength, and hung a right. What’s a news talker to do? They still gotta fill air time. They could caper about and praise the gods for the reprieve, but instead they invariably go with some variation on this…


Young man, here at Joel’s Gulch we call that “a typical Spring day.” Harrumph, and also get off my lawn.

About Joel

You shouldn't ask these questions of a paranoid recluse, you know.
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8 Responses to News talkers gotta talk news…

  1. Cookie says:

    31 my ass That guy walks behind him like its a spring breeze. And his shirt is barely moving!

  2. Anonymous says:

    These talking heads aren’t reporters, they’re “weathertainers.” They stopped being part of the news media years ago when the bean counters chose to value profit over content.

  3. Phssthpok says:

    I have family in Florida that hail from the north Oregon coast. They were NOT impressed with the first few ‘canes they went through.

    Seriously. Do a search on ‘winter storm watching, Oregon’.

    It’s a literal TOURIST ATTRACTION… to the point where there are higher seasonal rates for hotels!

    IN WINTER!

  4. Norman says:

    Y’know, with a large electric fan and a garden hose the brain dead blow-dries wouldn’t even have to leave the studio to do their hurricane reports, just stand in front of the green screen and use CGI for the devastation pictures. (Hmmmm….has anyone checked to see if they’re not already doing that now?)

  5. Kentucky says:

    Another variant: “News talkers gotta MAKE news!”

  6. Zendo Deb says:

    No, 31 to 39 MPH is NOT a gale. “Near gale” or high winds.

    A Gale would be 39 – 44 MPH. Though you would fly 1 red triangle warning flag if you were running a marina, or something like that.

  7. Zendo Deb says:

    Oops. 39 to 46 MPH… the memory is going…

  8. Mark Matis says:

    And those speeds are for SUSTAINED winds. Gusts do not count.

To the stake with the heretic!