On sentimentality in a chicken flock…

Okay, so my sick girl was still alive this morning, but still obviously very sick. I’m surprised she hung on as long as she did, because normally when a hen puts her face to the wall she’s dead within a day. But she wasn’t getting better and clearly wasn’t going to get better, so I spread a bunch of sunflower seeds out in the chicken yard and shooed all the hens that would go out there to enjoy. Then I shot the sick one in the head with my 22/45.

I figure brain destruction must be the surest, quickest and most humane way to turn a chicken* off but visually it’s spectacular, even upsetting the first few times until you’re used to it. Like when you decap them, the body goes nuts until it runs out of blood pressure or whatever. So she flopped around for a while, ending up near the outside door where I trapped the body between my feet until it ran down. Didn’t want her flopping out into the yard where I’d put all the other hens so they didn’t have to watch, right? Guess I should have taken her outside entirely.

I picked up the body and took it out to a box in the Jeep so I could toss it into the boonies on my way home. Went inside to finish my chicken chores, and…


“Blood! Delicious blood! Get it while you can!”

Yeah, they were all broken up…


*Works the same way with rabbits. A headshot makes them flop all over the place even when they have to be dead as rocks.

About Joel

You shouldn't ask these questions of a paranoid recluse, you know.
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12 Responses to On sentimentality in a chicken flock…

  1. jabrwok says:

    One of the ways I’ve read of for killing chickens and rabbits is to just grab them by their heads and quickly swing them around to break their necks. Never tried it myself, but it seems it would be quick, and would save you a bullet.

  2. Bear says:

    Rabbits: my technique is to wedge the head in angle steel bars, then yank hard on the rear feet. Snaps their necks just fine.

  3. Mark Matis says:

    How hateful of you to not appreciate the comedic talent of that RIR. There she was, doing her best impersonation of a Norwegian Blue, and you go and off her!

    }:-]

  4. Waepnedmann says:

    I have found that this type of mercy killing on small critters is best done with .22 shot shells from about 18-24 inches. This reduces the possibility of a ricochet and the brain is instantly puréed. Also, the splatter and gore is reduced considerably.
    This is the most difficult responsibility I have in owning critters or defending domestic critters from predators.
    It is an unpleasant duty.

    I feel for ya bro’.
    Good on ya for being merciful.

  5. Waepnedmann says:

    Addendum:
    “Blood! Delicious blood…”
    I once turned over a board that had a mouse nest with probably a dozen very small pink baby mice.
    In the blink of an eye the chickens morphed into velociraptors.
    It was a little disconcerting to see how fast and aggressive they became.
    I believe they are direct descendants of T-Rex.

  6. Joel says:

    Oh, hell yes. Chickens love pinkies. If I can find a nest full of rodent larvae they do not go wasted.

  7. terrapod says:

    When I was a young un, my dad showed me how to terminate chickens with zero muss and fuss. Pick them up by the neck then with a flick of the wrist using the body weight of the bird whip like, the neck snaps and the hen is dead with very little fuss and no spurting blood all over the yard (did that once so I would know how it goes). That was the easy part, plucking and gutting was the hard work. Big pot of boiling water was set before termination, then holding the head, dip in said pot for about 10 seconds, this loosened the quills and we proceeded to pluck by hand with a rubber glove for protection. Hated that part, but there is nothing like fresh chicken cooked an hour after demise. Store bought packaged simply does not compare.

  8. Kentucky says:

    In my experience, that “head grab, neck snap” procedure quite frequently results with you standing there with the bird’s head in your hand while the rest of it scurries frantically around the yard. As a matter of fact my grandmother did it that way intentionally.

  9. terrapod says:

    Hmm, did not see the neck separate from the bird with that method but I can see that it might happen. Just a thought, when I was a kid, chickens were much scrawnier than what you see today. I suspect that bird body weight has increased over the years through selective breeding.

  10. Mark Matis says:

    I bet you wouldn’t have offed her if she had been snoring this cutely:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_uEfmQt34Nc

    Can your Arizona hummingbirds do that?

    }:-]

  11. Paul says:

    Grandpa had a good method when it came time for the chicken to be dinner – he got a bushel basket and upended it in the back yard with the chicken under it… all but the head. yanked the head off with a foot on the basket and the body stayed under the basket until still. No muss and little fuss.

  12. Zelda says:

    What’s wrong with a sharp hatchet and a killing cone nailed to a tree, porch post, corner of the house, etc. with a bucket under it. The chicken is confined and losing its head seems to be much less traumatic. And if you start with a clean bucket you can make blood sausages or blood pudding. Yum

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