Our masters sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.

And they suffer so for it, the poor dears.

A former University of California-Davis police officer made famous after being filmed pepper-spraying seated activists during a Nov. 2011 protest has been awarded a $38,059 workers’ compensation settlement, The Guardian reports.

John Pike, a 40-year-old former lieutenant on the university police force, claimed he suffered from depression and anxiety after receiving death threats following the incident.

The staff and management of TUAK wish to extend Mr. Pike our congratulations on obtaining his settlement, and our best wishes for a complete recovery. And we wish him and all the other university cops who pepper-sprayed harmless but annoying college kids long, happy, productive lives, and we hope they don’t die coughing up their own lungs, or get hit by falling pianos, or anything terrible like that. Because we honor their brave, selfless service. These valiant men are the nation’s first line of defense against harmless but annoying college kids, and we gladly acknowledge the stresses and dangers of their honorable service.